


Destiny of mine

by milkxtea



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternative Universe- College, Cuties, Eliott's POV, Fluff, Lucas' POV, M/M, Open Relationship, Romance, little bit of angst with a happy ending, still dumbasses, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26476819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkxtea/pseuds/milkxtea
Summary: parallel universes- /'per.ə.lel/; noun; a separate universe or world that coexists with our known universe but is very different from it.destiny- /ˈdɛstɪni/; noun; the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future.Lucas wondered if he would have known that he had met his destinyEliott was sure his universe wasn't meant to be his.Two lost and unsure souls, whose paths cross in a way none of them would expect. Two lost and unsure souls, who are challenged to test their faith in personal beliefs. Two lost and unsure souls who didn't know how much they needed each other.One decision can make the lives of two men more complicated, or maybe more complete?or the universe where Lucas didn't expect to fall for his lecturer’s intern.* weekly updates *
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 29
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hii diamonds!  
> i'm coming back with a longer fic this time. it's really close to my heart since those two stories, of both Lucas and Eliott, are partly a combination of my own.  
> i hope you will enjoy reading!
> 
> i'm counting on your feedbacks :c

*** Lucas ***

Being mad or frustrated is not what could be said about Lucas right now. Indeed he was not happy at all about the situation he found himself in, but it was his decision to agree, nobody forced him to say so. At first, he didn't think about the further consequences or he didn't even bother trying to imagine how it could look. Especially how he could feel about that. Overall he was happy with his life right now, well... besides one small thing, which started to make him feel a little bitter. 

High school years were over and the truth was Lucas couldn't be happier about that. He was a pretty good student, had lots of friends even a girlfriend at some point, great parents, a younger brother, even a dog he loved more than you could think. The perfect life - some would say, but definitely not Lucas. He wasn't himself back then, he didn't feel the freedom, which others had. The whole image of Lucas Lallemant who everyone admired, was not him at all. Well, he had the same sense of humor, he- for sure- was terrible at playing Xbox and no matter what, when or with who he was, he used to cry on movies. Back then it made him feel a little ashamed, especially with the whole statement that true men don't cry. _"Fuck stereotypes darling"_ \- his mum used to say.

Even though he had always tried to be himself, no matter what. At some point, he just stopped going to the cinema with his friends “just in case”. The exceptions were horror movies because obviously, they were predictable and utterly boring- for Lucas. The whole idea of leaving for university made him realize that he had no longer any need to pretend, who he really was. It was the reason why he was finally sure and determined to come out to his family and friends- well parents, brother, and friends. He still hadn't told his grandparents- obviously, he didn't want to watch them getting a heart attack. Keeping it as a secret from them hasn’t really affected him, considering the fact that they see each other twice a year- just for the holidays. On the other hand, telling his parents and brother was important to him, but he didn't find it stressful at all. Lucas knew they wouldn't be disappointed in any way and especially not angry- maybe just at the fact he hadn't told them earlier. His relationship with them was beyond great, which was possibly caused by the fact they had him at a young age- they barely graduated high school. It was hard for both of them, yet they somehow managed to succeed not only in their careers but also in raising their son. He was an apple of their eye and they were extremely proud of him. What's more, it won't be an exaggeration saying they cheered on him at everything Lucas was doing: piano, acting in a school theater, guitar, drums- his every little achievement was enough for them to throw a family party just to celebrate this success. They were his number one fans- and since his little brother had started walking and talking he joined the fan club. Obviously, they acted the same way towards Micheal- which had never made Lucas jealous, on the contrary, he was his little brother's greatest supporter. Although his brother could be a pain in the ass sometimes, he would do anything for him, and it could be easily seen by the way he was always taking care of him- even in the most facile matter. The two of them were perceived as a perfect siblings duo, and he couldn't disagree with that. On the other hand, having two craziest people on the planet as their parents- they had to stick together. Being brothers, they also had some secrets. The thing which made the younger, the happiest about, was their pact called "Don't tell parents". Mike was excited about having any deal with the older one, however, it was more significant for Lucas, particularly in situations, which not necessary were acceptable at their home.

_"Shhh" Lucas whispered putting one finger on his lips suggesting his brother not to say anything. The older had just got home drunk from the party when he bumped into Mike in a hallway. He was totally wasted and you could clearly notice it even by his simple "shhh". He was currently on a mission- go to sleep without being noticed and possibly killed by his parents. It seemed like an easy thing to do... till that moment. He loved his brother to death, but he was still a little boy, a loud little boy._

_"You sound funny Luckie" he said quietly giggling while holding his Pat Patrol's cup with water in his hands._

_"Go to bed little one. And don't tell parents" Lucas whispered putting his hands on his brother’s back just to push him gently into his room._

_'Why?" Mike turned his head looking at Lucas with curiosity in his eyes. The moment they reached the door leading to the bedroom, the younger stopped and faced the older one, waiting for any explanation._

_"Because it's what brothers do. It's like a pact"_

_"A pact? We have a pact?" Lucas smiled seeing how Mike's eyes were getting bigger and bigger. The older one nodded and again put his finger on lips reminding Mike about being quiet._

_"That's so cool Luckie!" Michael said happily looking up at Lucas, who again put his finger on the lips being slightly angry. Being scared of his parents waking up was more accurate. "Oh, okay...shhh... got it" younger one winked and walked into his room waving back at Lucas._

He wasn't precisely the type of guy, who thought about everything he does or planning every detail and making sure it would end as the plan assumed. That's why the way he “decided” to come out was typical for him- unexpected. There was no serious conversation during which he would do a terribly long and touching speech, no thinking about what he could say and how it would turn out- it was a coincidence. He didn't see any sense in planning, because he knew that possibly it wouldn't have worked out. As his grandmother used to say _"You want to make God laugh- tell him about your plans"_ \- he didn't really believe in the whole God- thing, but the saying seemed to be pretty accurate. Lucas was being lazy as the definition was spread, that's why he treated this as an excuse- it'd never worked.

_It was a tradition to organize board game nights on Saturdays in Lallemant's house. Saturday after graduation wasn't an exception. They were all sitting in the living room playing charades as it was his mother's turn. Another fun fact about his parents- they both couldn't lose, like, literally couldn't. They didn't mind any failure in something their kids were doing- their supporting system didn't allow that. Every defeat which considered them was a nightmare. Not only for them, but the whole family was also suffering. A great example is one time during the monopoly when his mother accused her husband of cheating. Obviously, it was impossible- her words- for him to win while being so foolhardy_ - _bad move. The game turned into a fight and the long one week of silence between "adults". Of course, it was the last time they played monopoly, but the truth was Lucas and Mike had a great time, till both of them were forced to passing messages between parents. Sometimes, well, most of the time he was the only adult in their home, even Micheal acted more mature being only six years old._

_"Focus Adam!" the lady shouted looking at her husband with a frown._

_"Hey! You can't speak, that's cheating!" Micheal said jumping out of the couch._

_"She didn't say anything connected to what is on the paper, chill" Lucas laughed looking at his brother. He winked when the boy turned to face him._

_"It's not fair, they are winning" the younger sighed throwing himself back on the couch. Well, this kid was just like his parents- losing with grace wasn't his best character trait_.

_"Extension cord!" Adam finally shouted pointing his finger at the woman._

_"Yes! I started to think I've married an idiot" She said being seemingly relieved._

_"How the fuck did you actually guess that?" Lucas said looking at them with a shock. He could say many good things about his mother, but this performance she's finished seconds ago, showed everything, literally everything but not an extension cord._

_"Language sweetheart... Didn't we learn you how to lose? Your turn dummy" She smiled at her son, pointing at him. This was not a smile saying "I love you so much, my son", but it was more like "you loser"._

_"Well, he hears much worse from you when you watch your series, and like, are you serious right now?" he laughed shaking his head slightly. He stood up from the couch just to stop in the right place to be clearly seen by his brother. Being a pair with a six years old was much better than trying to cooperate with his parents. He took the phone with the charades app open on it, pressing the bottom, saying "next". A slight shiver came through his body while seeing what it had shown. He nodded at himself thinking for a minute if passing isn’t going to be the better option or just simply give it a try. He had a feeling like a universe was trying to push him, so taking it pretty seriously, Lucas put the phone back on the coffee table. A quiet sighed left his mouth and after seconds of thinking, he waved at his mum, who pressed "start" on the stopper._

_"You!" Michael shouted seeing his older brother pointing at himself. Lucas nodded again but moved his hand showing that's still not exactly the correct answer._

_"Boy? Idiot? Sibling? Brother? I don't know, that's not fair!" The boy sighed lying on the couch with his arms crossed._

_"Don't give up darling, you can do it" their mum pushed slightly the little boy making him, smile again. "Look, he's pointing at something" she added quickly making the younger look back at Lucas._

_"Closet? You're going in there? I know! Narnia!" Lucas rolled his eyes and after seconds they all heard a characteristic big, signalizing the end of the time._

_"It was freaking gay. Closet? Coming out? Seriously how could you not guess?" Lucas sighed annoyed throwing himself at the lovesac._

_"I am six, you dork! You pointed at yourself! How could I know? That's not fair, mum! Tell him, it's not fair!" Michael almost cried jumping out of the couch just to stamped his foot. Lucas looked up slightly nervously at his parents, who looked like nothing had happened. The truth was that that didn't really surprise him. He knew they had got it._

_"Lucas, darling can you stop sabotaging your own team?" the woman said and still decided to wink at her son._

_"Exactly" Mike said taking a pillow in his hand, throwing it at the other boy right away. Even though Lucas wasn't the best at sports but he was still capable of catching things. Later, the game was smooth because they changed the category of it to "easy/medium". That helped the younger pair a lot, not that it made any difference to Adam and Charlotte. When they finished, (of course, adults had won) Mike ran straight to the bathroom shouting about not playing "that dumb game ever again,". Obviously. No one could tell he wasn’t Lallemant. Lucas was about to leave when Adam grabbed his son's hand to stop him._

_"Luc, we're really proud of you... I hope you know that." He started still gently holding Lucas' hand._

_"Well, if you don't show up here with some handsome man, I will doubt that" his mother added, but she walked closer to Lucas, throwing her arms around him. "I love you, so freaking much darling that you don't even know" she sighed pressing her lips on the boy's temple. Lucas closed his eyes hiding in his parent's arms just like he used to do when he was a little boy._

_"I love you too" He mumbled with a smile on his lips._

_"Just bring someone normal here, I won't stand another idiot in this house" the woman sighed rolling her eyes, just before Adam poked her cheek, making her gasp._

_"Goodnight then… " Lucas said stepping back. He still kissed his parent's cheek knowing they wouldn't let him without that. They both smiled and soon after he was lying on his bed smiling like an idiot. He felt relieved, even though he didn't expect them to react worse than that._

The same thing was with his friends. Everyone could be surprised or even more confused considering the fact that he'd suspected their reaction to being so good. Then what was the point of waiting for so long to tell them? Well, he was just terrified, just by the thought of being out. He knew everyone would want him to date- as for them it was some sort of definition of happiness. Obviously it wasn’t for Lucas. His friend could even set him up with some guy, just to let him be “finally happy”. That was what made him so sick and frightened at the same time. The only relationship he was in, was just with Maria and he didn't hate it- surprisingly. She was thoughtfully great, and when they broke up, she understood the idea of "I am not ready for a serious relationship". Although ending things made him slightly sad, Lucas couldn't be more glad about how everything ended up. For a moment he felt like he could tell her the truth about himself, more precisely why this relationship couldn't work out. She was beyond great as a friend and girlfriend that was why she deserved much better- honestly the best. That caused that at some point he was about to say or suggest anything. As soon as Lucas opened his mouth, he just freaked out quickly saying something related to school.

The truth was that his way of coming out to his friends was more of an accident that the result of an actual intention. The fact that it happened that way, was even more relieving for Lucas.

_It was their rehearsal graduation party, before graduating and the possibility of Lucas drinking more than he should have was above high level. It was after 11 pm and the truth was that not only Lucas but all of them were already pretty wasted._

_"Fuck, she's so damn hot" Basile sighed while they were standing in the living room by the wall. All of them followed his eyes just to see Daphne talking with her friends._

_"Yeah... we know. You've literally said that like... many times already" Arthur sighed taking a sip of his beer._

_"And after all those times, we still don't really care" Yann laughed taking off one joint from his pocket. "Anyone?" He didn't have to wait long for Lucas to take the joint between his fingers waiting for Yann to light it up. Soon after all of them were sharing it, joking around about possibly everything._

_"Ok Lucas, your turn. Who is worth your attention today?" Arthur asked pushing his friend slightly with his elbow. Lucas looked around watching people dancing in the living room when he noticed a tall, blond boy surrounded by his friends. He chuckled quietly nodding seconds later in a boy's direction._

_"There. Black hoodie"_

_"Dude, where?" Basile asked and you could say, by his face, he tried really hard to find the person Lucas was talking about. "Do you see her?" He asked looking at Yann and Arthur who both cleared their throats. The two of them looked at Lucas, who still didn't stop staring at the guy, and then looked back at the other friend._

_"There Baz" Yann said slightly moving his friend's head in the correct direction, but seeing that this wasn't enough, he pointed the boy with a finger._

_"Dude, that's a guy" Baz laughed ignoring the boys' stare._

_"Yeah we noticed that, but thanks for saying" Arthur laughed winking at him, making Basile realize what was happening._

_"You're gay?" Basile said looking confused, pushing Lucas slightly. The action made the boy finally look back at his friends. The rest of them gasped stroking their necks, feeling the awkwardness of the moment._

_"What?"_

_"I asked if you were gay" He repeated himself taking a sip of his drink. The freedom that Basile had could easily make people wonder if he used to think before speaking. After meeting him, the answer was pretty obvious. Lucas felt a sudden rush of adrenaline in his body, realizing what he'd just said. He was about to say something when he felt Yann's hand on his shoulder._

_"I must agree with you tho. He's super hot"_

_"Totally, like... I would die for that face" Arthur added, throwing his arm around Yann's shoulder._

_"And that hoodie, wow" Basile interrupted, slowly nodding his head still looking at this guy._

_"What the fuck Baz..." Yann said frowning, both with Arthur looking at him trying really hard to understand what could be in his head. He finally looked back at them slightly shaking his head, not understanding what was wrong with that. Lucas smiled feeling relived as if someone had just taken off a heavy bag from his back. For the next ten minutes, three of them were arguing about who among them was more handsome. Lucas, who was supposed to be the judge, was just standing there laughing at his friends. They were literally what he could dream of._

The thing that some can find weird about him was that Lucas believed in destiny, he truly did. This thought was with him since he could have remembered and didn’t seem to leave him any time soon. Even as a little boy Lucas was double-minded to the point that he couldn't pick even a pair of socks in the morning. 

_"Lucas hurry up!" his mother shouted running with his husband knowing they were going to be late for her son's graduation ceremony in the kindergarten. Being concerned about Lucas' absence, she walked into his room. The sight of her son sitting just in his white shirt and briefs made her even more stressed. "Lucas darling we have to go, just put on socks and shoes. Chop chop!" she said wanting to walk further when a quiet voice could be heard from the room._

_"I can't"_

_"What do you mean? Just take out one pair and wear them. You know how to do it darling"_

_"I just can't. I don't know which one" his mother chuckled rolling her eyes on him._

_"It doesn't matter Lucas. No one will see them through the toga"_

_"It does matter. I will pick one and the others will be sad! I don't want them to be sad" He said looking up at his mother just for her to see his teary eyes. The woman’s heart melted at that._

_"How is possible that you are such a sweetheart baby" she whispered walking inside the room just to sit next to her son hugging him tightly. "None of them will be sad at you Lucas. You don't make anybody sad. Just do what doesn't make **you** sad" she said quietly looking at him carefully._

_"But what if I pick one pair and I should have picked the other one. When I pick the first one I will trip over. When I pick the other one, I won't" he pouted_

_"It's just picking socks Lucas, don't be silly and hurry up!" she said kissing his forehead and walked out of his room. The little boy sighed taking one pair with a hesitation. He wore it still looking at the drawer with underwear._

Lucas had no idea if he had met his destiny. There was a quiet voice in his head telling him he hadn't and he simply decided to believe it. It was eating him up. He was so anxious to fit in. To feel like everything was in the right place. To get any confirmation that the thing he had believed in, for his whole life, was true. The worst part was that there were moments he had doubts, and it made him scared. _If there is a destiny, then what if I am missing possibly the best choice, which won't come back_. _Did everyone has their own destiny? How can you know if you had met one?_ Maybe "here and now" was his destination- the exact place he was at that moment. That's why he decided to wait, to stop thinking and looking at every new opportunity as a "possibility to miss his destiny". If now was his purpose then there is nothing to worry about. If there was another plan for him, then it would find him, sooner or later. He just hoped, he won't miss it. 

In high school he had everything. Now he was at the university and he still had everything, but with some differences: he was out, and he had a boyfriend. Was he happy? Yes. Did he want to change some of his decisions? Yes. Did he plan to do it? No.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii diamonds,  
> a little warning: Eliott's povs will (not always tho) include therapies or mentions of mental health issues.
> 
> hope you will still enjoy!

*** Eliott ***

Eliott used to be truly hard to define. The issue was you even couldn't tell why- it was just the way he was. He used to have so many faces. He also had the unique ability to quickly fitting into society whenever he was and with whoever he was. Being himself was such a rare phenomenon that at some point in his life he just couldn't say when he was just Eliott Demaury. Some could envy him that because it didn't take him long to make new friendships and it was almost impossible to hate him. Simply he'd always created the exact image of himself that someone wanted to see. 

The moment he had realized how badly he made himself feel, was the moment he decided to get some help. It wasn't an easy process which was perceived by many as "I'll solve it by myself" and "don't be a child, it's nothing". After many attempts, he had just got tired of even thinking that way. However, he had finished high school and his thoughts were occupied with choosing the university or spending the last days with his friend, before leaving his home town. Soon after he had started university- his life was about to change.

He was no longer surrounded by known places, people, anything at all. It stressed him even more, but the only bright side of this situation, he found himself in, was the new beginning- as he liked to call it. Eliott wasn't really alone, he shared an apartment with his cousin- Fabien. As soon as he entered the university, inadvertently he started to draw people like a magnet. He promised himself not to wear a mask anymore but seeing how people adored his image and how he wasn't alone, it made him push previous thoughts away. Not for too long though. It was inconceivably obtrusive. Soon after Eliott started to be aware of the fact that he couldn't do this on his own, this time he searched for some help. The thoughts of going on any meeting and talking with a stranger about his possible problems drove him crazy. It was Fabien who helped him make a decision. That was the moment when he met Joceline.

_"So... what are you doing here Eliott?" She asked sitting comfortably in her big chair, taking a sip of a coffee from her cup with Michael Scott's face on it. Eliott noticed it straight away just when he came to the room, and he immediately felt more freely. "Maybe it won't be so bad" he thought._

_"Well... the same thing that most of the people do when they go to a therapist I guess" he answered being a little confused at the question he got. Wasn't that obvious?_

_"Possibly, but I am not asking about other people,. The question was what **you** were doing here" she repeated with a slight smile while putting her cup on the coffee table next to her. Eliott was sitting in the chair in front of her and he easily could say that was the most comfortable furniture he has ever sat in. _

_Silence._

_Eliott had a small hope that she would start a conversation, maybe change the topic but she was just sitting there, looking straight into his eyes. It made him feel weird, which was pretty understandable. He had a feeling she already had known everything that was in his head, and there was no reason for him to speak. He was paying for that meeting which made sitting in silence pretty dumb idea. After a few seconds- which felt like minutes- he finally spoke._

_"I don't know to be honest. I just want to feel again like... me"_

_"So how do you feel right now?" she asked naturally, crossing her legs. Eliott shrugged._

_"Depends on what are we going to talk about" he answered with hesitation, but only after a while. She sighed taking another sip of her coffee._

_"Tell me something about yourself"_

_"There is nothing to tell I guess. I'm turning 21 this year, I'm in the middle of the semester. I study music and art... that's all" He said looking at his lap. She nodded slightly while writing something in her notebook. Then she looked back at him_ _understandably._

 _"It's a pretty... knackering answer I would say_ " _She said after a while smiling at him. Seeing this, Eliott smiled back without any hesitation_. _"Why are you smiling?" confusion was not even a word that could perfectly and strongly enough describe what he felt at that moment. As soon as that smile appeared on his face, it disappeared. "Because I smiled?" She asked right away, receiving a nod as an answer. "Did you feel like smiling?" this time he slightly shook his head. "Then why did you?"_

_"I don't think I get this" he said slowly putting hands on his laps. "It's kind of natural to smile back at someone. It's just polite"_

_"Don't you think its more natural to smile when you feel like smiling?" she asked after a while, taking her cup in hands again. Eliott wanted to tell something but decided to stay silent thinking about what she has just said._

_"But... so when someone is nice to me, and I'm mad at something then what? I have to act like some asshole because I’m not in the mood?" he chuckled_

_"First of all, there is no **I have to**. When you're sad, then you act sad. You are mad, then you act the same way. As simple as it is Eliott. You act the same exact way as you feel at that moment- nothing else, there is no place for affectation. This is your first homework" She said looking closely at him. He didn't really get the idea, which she clearly noticed. "When you hide your emotions it's really hard to accept them- if you don't know them, don't you think? If you live by someone's life and emotions it's really hard to find your own feelings. What's vital is to live the way which will make you feel like you- as you said. Don't take that right to feel from yourself" she explained._

_"Easy to say" he sighed, scratching his temple._

_"I won't even lie to you- therapy is hard as fuck Eliott. It’s something more than talking to me once a week. It's seriously damn hard work and you should be aware of it. If you think you'll feel good, next month- you're possibly very wrong. Some therapies last years" She could say by his face he didn't think about that. "It's your decision to come here and work on yourself, nobody will do it for you. You're sad Eliott... deep down and you try to hide it by smiling, joking, but it can be easily seen. There are two types of sadness: static and dynamic. You are the first case and this type is the most dangerous one" she added seeing how Eliott's face changed slightly after hearing that. It touched him. You could see how slowly the little smile on his face disappeared, and there it was... Eliott Demaury._

He liked his therapist which was weird to say- he literally paid her for talking to him. Even though Eliott still enjoyed their talks and just the idea of throwing his thoughts out. The idea of them being heard by someone. Sometimes he used to forget where he was as well as the fact that Joceline was his therapist. Sitting there made him feel not only unhampered but also secure. It had been his "casual zone". 

It was as she said- fucking hard, yet he made a step, and he aspired to keep on making more. Eliott was doing staggeringly good- not in his opinion- however, he still noticed some improvement after months. Just by observing some changes in his behavior caused some sort of happiness and pride in what he'd done. For the first time, he felt such an intense feeling of satisfaction, which wasn't at the same moment connected to insurance or shame. In the past it was always the same scheme- he succeeded, he was overwhelmed with feelings and not only good ones. Besides happiness and pride, there was always the fear of thinking about fucking up, of him disappointing some people. The feeling of him doing much less than he was able to do- doing not enough, wasting is potential. 

Living by "homework" he was getting once or twice a month, Eliott seemed to feel a lot better considering not only his sanity but also appearance. His skin complexion got a lot better and his gluten problems started slowly to disappear- just that fact made his mental health slightly better. He even started working out at the gym, together with his classmate- Idriss. The whole therapy and "lessons" taken from it helped Eliott a lot. Not only in understanding how badly he had treated himself but also in enjoying his life. The decision about attending and starting going to the therapist was by far the best one he could have made- not only in his opinion but that was also what his closest friends claimed. 

For some people struggles, he had while simple living might be trivial and piteous. Even Eliott, at some point, was one of those people. Despite that, he learned how to overcome these thoughts, which were no longer drowning him deeper into his darker side of the mind. Although it still happened for people to made him feel like he was "being more dramatic than it was necessary", Eliott managed to don't give a shit about them.

After two years of the meetings, he and Joceline decided to stop the therapy. She, obviously, reminded him, her doors were always opened and he was not left alone- the woman believed in him and so did he. He was ready, he felt ready. That was at least what he had thought. 

***

_"So what do you want to talk about?” Joceline asked having her Scott’s cup in hand._

_"Should I buy you a new one?” Eliott mumbled looking directly at the item in her hands. He didn't feel like talking about his problems and he wanted to extend this part of the conversation as much as he could._

_”Do you have any problem with my cup?” she laughed taking a quick look at the cup._

_”Well its the last thing I have a problem with” he answered rolling his eyes._

_”So...answer my question. What do you want to talk about? And don't try to make it longer than it is worth it” she laughed again, knowing Eliott too good to know what he was trying to do. It wasn't even the first time. She looked at him carefully, taking a sip of coffee._

_”Can't you just ask that one question, which will lead us to my childhood. We will find the problem, talk about it, and fix things again?” he seemed tired and that was the truth. He felt like he was repeating himself and doing the same thing he did previously. That made him mad because he wanted everything to be normal again._

_”I can't bring up the topic, I can't force you to talk about anything and you know it Eliott” she said watching him closely._

_”I hate when you do this” he said after a while._

_”When I do what?”_

_”You stare at me the whole time”_

_”And what is wrong with it?” she asked but Eliott just shrugged, rolling his eyes. He almost forgot how irritating it could be- all the "Why?", "Why do you think that?", "What about that?"_

_”No idea. It makes me feel guilty”_

_”About?”_

_”No idea as well. I just... I don't know. Normally I don't feel so freaking bad about my life. Then I'm coming here, you stare at me, and imminently I'm starting to judge my life and literally every decision I've made this week” he sighed hiding his face in hands._

_”Isn't this the point of the therapy? To think about your concerns... But for sure judging yourself isn't the best idea Eliott" she said watching him carefully. She wrote something in her notebook and then looked back at the brunet. "How is your sleep?” she changed the topic, knowing that the previous one won't lead them anywhere._

_”Normal? Some nights I won't sleep because of upcoming exams. The third-year it's not that easy as I thought... Some nights I will sleep just for two hours but I'm kinda used to it. I try to force myself, but usually, it doesn't work so I end up playing in candy crush” he said taking a glass of water which Joceline got him, and took a sip._

_”Forcing yourself to sleep is an easy way to get insomnia... If you can't sleep, it's a simple sign that something is stopping you. The exams may be the issue, everyone’s organism reacts differently, but keep an eye on it. Write everything down- I hope you remember that homework. We will see after the exams” she said writing something down in her notebook again. Eliott had been always curious about what she was writing there, but obviously, it had always been a secret._

_Silence._

_”It's just so irritating. Studies, sleep, this feeling of... I don't even know how to call it. Like I don't belong you know? Like it's not my universe”_

_”Explain”_

_”I'm sitting here. And what if there is another Eliott in another universe, sitting as confused and lost as me. And it’s... Like I should be there and he should be here. Like I'm missing my real life. Here it's not my place to be” he said unsurely hoping she would understand it. The woman nodded looking at him for a while in silence waiting for him to continue. ”I have to study, exams are coming, two more years at the University... my friends have jobs, some of them started a family and I'm sitting here with you... No offense” he added quickly._

_”You don't have to anything Eliott” she said with a silent sigh looking at him carefully. He rolled his eyes looking at his fingers._

_”Yeah... I know” he said and smiled at her. ”If you gonna ask why I smiled, I'm gonna break that cup” he said causing a burst of loud laughter from Joceline. "If I don't have to study then how am I supposed to pass?" he asked raising his eyebrows. The woman sighed, taking another sip of coffee._

_"It's not the case. What I meant is that... sometimes people feel too overwhelmed with life, their problems, still having their "everyday things" on the mind. They tend to force themselves, because "they have to get up from bed". They don't have to. You see... if you want to lie in bed then do it. An hour, two- as long as you need. You'll study when you feel the need. It's vital to learn to listen to your organism, mind, and forcing yourself to study, tidy or even get up from bed can easily lead you to feel even more overwhelmed and annoyed" she said watching as Eliott was nodding his head trying to interiorize everything. Some things seemed so easy while sitting there and listening to her, but everything was utterly different outside this place._

_"That maybe makes sense, but isn’t it still a little bit egoistic? Like, I'm here to study to get a degree not to rest. People are working their asses off, and I'm here-"_

_"How do you feel?"_

_Silence._

_"Shitty"_

_"So what will that degree do? You'll be shitty with a degree. Do you hear what you're saying Eliott? There is always time for a degree, to write an exam even the next year- there is nothing wrong with it. But life is here and now Eliott, not in twenty years, not even in two. What is the point in doing everything to make the future Eliott happy, if this Eliott is not happy? If not now, then definitely not in the future as well"_

He didn't have any idea how was possible that one visit at that place could sometimes make such a big difference in his attitude or the way he was contemplating. He was glad he was back. On the other hand, it was scaring the shit out of him. Here he felt good, safe and things he was hearing or even talking made there more sense, while at home he felt like shit again. How was he supposed to be normal on his own? It made him feel irate about himself and his life, however, Eliott had decided to not give up on trying. Then, now and in the future. As much as fed up he was with himself, he was even more frustrated about his mind and what was happening there.

In the beginning, they got back to meeting once a week, but soon after Joceline decided to change that for once a month, saying it was enough for him. He was shocked but agreed, trusting in every word she had said. 

***

_”How are you today?”_

_”Good... I guess. I’ve just finished the internship so I feel a bit weird. But yeah... last year of university so it's kind of exciting, but the thought of writing the final paperwork is just making me sick”_

_”Why?”_

_”I hate writing, and especially an assignment for like 150 pages,” he said shrugging. ”But at the same time I'm excited to graduate” he added with a little smile._

_”And at home?” she asked knowing it's a sensitive topic and again this time, she was right. The smile on the burnet's face disappeared and the heavy sigh filled the room._

_”I don't know”_

_”Eliott... it's been literally eight months. I thought we had worked it out" she said causing the boy to roll his eyes._

_"Apparently we hadn't" he shrugged crossing his legs._

_"Why don't you want to confront him?"_

_"I just don't really see any reason why and especially I don't know how it could help" he said straight away as if he had prepared the answer before._

_"You've been at therapy for almost four years Eliott. You'll be 25 this year, you can't run away forever"_

_"If I'm not wrong, there is no such a word as **can't** "_

_"Confront your father Eliott. I am serious, it's impossible to move on without that. Even if you think this doesn't bother you, it does. We've worked on everything, you know how to deal with things, you haven't had any panic attack for years now... it's the last thing and you are aware of that" she said with her lips pressed together in a straight line. “It’s your decision, but as a therapist, I don’t really see any other problem”_

_"I'm just not ready"_

_"It's been thirteen years Eliott"_

_"What is a point in talking about that? Fuck, it happened, I won't go back in time, I won't unsee, undo. There is no point. I don't even want to talk to him about that... about anything"_

_"Isn't it the best sign that is necessary for you to take that step? Therapy is-"_

_"Is hard as fuck and it includes doing things that are really hard to accept or even think of" he interrupted her with a sigh_

_"Few more months and maybe you'll help me with therapies" she laughed shaking her head slightly. Eliott smiled insignificantly looking at his writs where he had a watch. Joceline noticed that and nodded in approval._

_"See you next month Joceline. Treat yourself with a new mug, you earn enough" he winked putting on his jacket._

_"Get out of here already" she winked back and smiled at him. "If you need anything, text and we'll meet". He nodded and waved closing the door behind him. The woman sighed watching the door and looked at her notes reading them all over again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo,  
> did you like it? what do you think about it so far? 
> 
> my twitter: milkxteam  
> see you soon diamonds!


	3. Chapter 3

*** Lucas ***

After the graduation, Lucas could finally feel like breathing... fully. He finished high school with great grades and some achievements in music, which wasn't any surprise for anyone. He was proud not at the fact that he finished high school since it wasn't a big success for him. Lucas was utterly proud of how his life turned out to be. Being out and proud, he still had the best family and friends he could ever dream of. It was something that made him thankful for every second of his life. It was his place. Lucas finally felt like everything he had done, led to this moment, which was meant to be his. Nothing more, nothing less, the perfect balance. The plan for his vacation before the university was plain and pretty common for the end of the high school era. Party, alcohol, and having fun- as simple as it sounded. Lucas' parents repeated all the time that "now" was the best moment of his life and he should take everything as it was, well- of course not drugs. That was his plan- enjoy every minute of it.

The university he chose was in a different city, and even though it could be a little overwhelming, he was still excited, because he wasn't going to be alone. All of his friends luckily managed to pass all exams and what's more, all of them got into universities in the same town.

_"Guys! That's so cool! Imagine being together for five more years" Basile said happily when they met after getting emails saying they had got in._

_"I would like to say how awful it's going to be, but I'm seriously happy as fuck" Yann laughed throwing his arms around Lucas, who smiled widely at his friends._

_"Yeah... me too. Maybe I don't say it often but I love you guys" he said looking at all of them._

_"I love you too, you fuckers" Arthur added softly coming closer to hug both Yann and Lucas at the same time. Soon after Basile joined them, jumping at the top of his friends laughing loudly._

_"You know what is cooler? Daphne and girls are coming there too!"_

_"Fuck us"_

The university was about two hours' drive from home, so it wasn't tragic, especially when the connection between these two cities was incredibly convenient. Either way, Charlotte still- just as dramatically as it was typical for her- considered this as a serious betrayal.

_"I was changing your diapers, taking care of you and now you're leaving me with them- all alone!" she cried dramatically, which made Lucas just roll his eyes._

_"I should be more concerned about them, not you mum" he said kissing her forehead. Mr. Lallemant laughed watching them while preparing the dinner for the whole family._

_"Promise me that you'll visit us at least once a month" the woman insisted, hugging her son tightly._

_"I promise mum, but I'm going there in three months, not tomorrow" he gasped trying really hard to escape from her grip, which wasn't so easy as anyone could think._

_"I know, but time goes so fast, that I am going to blink, and you’ll leave" she sighed finally loosening the hug, letting Lucas step back, and help his father. "Especially when you're leaving next week with your friends. Anyway, we can go shopping today so you'll get everything for that trip " she added pointing her finger at him. Lucas rolled his eyes and shouted for his brother to get his help, knowing he probably was playing some stupid game on xbox. Soon after Mike ran into the living room, and before he managed to enter the kitchen Charlotte grabbed him and pressed to her body._

_"I won't let this one go. Will you stay with me forever?" She asked kissing the little boy on his cheek._

_"Of course mama! I'll protect you" He said proudly, sitting on her laps, wrapping arms around woman’s neck._

_"I used to say exactly the same" Lucas mumbled with a smile, putting plats on the table. His mother frowned at him, yet still sending him a few kisses in the air, which Lucas immediately caught and hid in his pocket._

***

_As everyone said these vacations should be the best one in his life and all of his friends decided to make that happen. They didn't fulfill all of their plans, but the time they spent was amazing. Firstly Lucas wanted to spend some time with his family, so after getting his diploma, they left to stay at his grandparents' countryside for a week. After that Lucas, Yann, Basile, Arthur, and the girls left for two weeks to stay at Emma's brother's lake house, and it was the best time Lucas had had since he could remember._

_"Please" Emma begged while standing in the leaving room while the rest was just lying on the couch or floor resting after a heavy night. The lake party they had organized the previous night, made all of them feel dead, well, everyone besides Emma. "We were supposed to have fun!" She shouted sitting on Yann's lap, who immediately wrapped his arms around the girl’s waist._

_"Babe, we are barely alive, how do you think we will party in a club tonight?" he said softly looking at her, which wasn't a good idea. Seeing these puppy eyes he sighed being annoyed at how easy it was for her to manipulate him. Especially after she leaned closer just to whisper something into his ear._

_"Get your fat asses up, we're getting ready for the club," He said standing up just to push Lucas and Arthur of the couch._

_"You're so easy, you pervert" Lucas sighed massaging his hip, which hurt a little since he bumped it while falling. Both of them looked back at Yann rolling their eyes not being too surprised._

_"If you just could hear-"_

_"Stop... I really prefer not to" he quickly said pointing at Yann with his finger._

***

_"Left. After few seconds- just look at left" Arthur whispered straight into Lucas's ear. They were standing near the bar drinking their beers and talking about holidays and new life at the university. Hearing that Lucas frowned but as his friend said, after five seconds he slowly turned his hand in the correct direction. Seeing what Arthur was talking about a smile appeared on his face. Near the other end of the bar, there was a tall brunet standing and watching him carefully while drinking his drink._

_"How did you know? Were you staring at him? Do you want to tell me something?" Lucas asked with laughter seeing his friend looking at him. He winked at him and the next second he looked back the stranger smiling slightly._

_"He's been staring at you for minutes now. It was impossible not to notice you fucker" He laughed taking a sip of his beer. "He's nice tho... just saying" as quickly as he said that, Arthur raised his hands in defense._

_"Really nice, too nice"_

_"What do you mean? How he can be too nice?" his friend laughed looking at Lucas raising his eyebrows, being a little confused. They have been friends since middle school and after Lucas finally decided to come out, everyone in their group wanted this always grumpy guy to be happy. He had never mentioned any guy, and there was a chance it was because he came out just recently, however, his friends were simply curious about his interests or types. They tend to share their love interest and talk about it with friends, which considering Lucas- it wasn't a case. Although he was a great adviser and listener he wasn't the one to spill the tea about himself._

_"Like, too nice to be my first" he said after a while. Not hearing anything, Lucas looked at Arthur, and seeing the confusion on his face he sighed "I've never even kissed a guy, just Maria" he explained feeling like some kind of an idiot. The blonde one just shrugged taking a quick glance at the stranger, who still was staring at them. That was another reason why Lucas admired his friends so much- every single one of them- there was no judgment. Obviously, like in every relation, there were conflicts especially with Basile's nature of being so “direct” and not thinking about the possible consequences or strength of his words._

_"It's just a kiss Lucas, not an enigma" he laughed pocking him slightly with his elbow. "It's the same as with Maria, just more pleasant I suppose... I can kiss you if you want to tho... Just I don't know if you could stop yourself from falling for me" he added pretty seriously causing a burst of loud laughter from Lucas._

_"Yeah...no doubts dude," he said still shaking from the laughter._

_"Don't look back, watch out. The eagle is approaching his nest" Arthur said quickly and then he cleared his throat looking back as if he was looking for someone._

_"The fuck you are talk-"_

_"Hey you" That was the moment Lucas happened to know what Arthur had on his fucked up mind. Brunet heard a deep voice and felt a drizzle coming through his whole body just at the sound. He turned only to look up at the taller guy. He seemed to be tall but being so close to him, made Lucas think as he was next to the freaking hot giant._

_"Hey" he said nervously after scanning the male and looked at Arthur asking for some help. His mind went completely blank._

_"Hi. Arthur... and this is Lucas" His friend said switching his gaze between the two of them as taking a sip of his beer. The guy nodded smiling slightly just at Lucas, without even bothering to pretend to care about someone else._

_"So... Lucas. You seem kinda bored here. Thought I could change that... somehow"_

_***_

_"Lucas! What the fuck was that?" Yann laughed throwing an arm on his friend's shoulder, as soon as they all came out from the bar and with an aim to head home from the club._

_"He was so damn hot! I thought he was going to take you home or something like that" Basile added walking beside them._

_"Well, he wanted, but I'm not that dumb to agree" Lucas added feeling excited just thinking about what had just happened. Louis was utterly amazing and he didn't even bother to say otherwise. Thinking about the first guy who even could look at Lucas, not mentioning being interested in him, Louis was beyond any expectations. Basile was right, he indeed was damn h o t. The way he danced around Lucas, touched him so gently, kissed him..._

_"Earth to Lucas" Arthur said pinching his arm, which made him came back to the moment. They all rolled their eyes._

_"What?"_

_"I asked if you had his number"_

_"Yeah, he gave me, but I won't use it I guess" Lucas shrugged his arms, which made Basile chocked with is own saliva._

_"What are you talking about? Did you even look at him closely enough?" Basile gasped having his arm wrapped around Daphne. Everyone noticed right away that both of them started to act more boldly around each other, but decided to ignore it. They all knew, one comment could make either of them feel a little embarrassed and immediately step back leaving the other one far behind. None of them had any idea why Daphne was so shy about talking about liking and the possible thought of dating him. The same was about Basile, he wasn't himself around her, all dorky and flurried_ , _which sometimes caused some_ misunderstandings. _Even though the group could see all of that and knew the feelings were mutual,_ _they just played along._

_"Of course I saw him, you idiot. We met at the club, where I lied about my age to get in. He was like 26, and I'm barely 18. It was nice, but that's it" Lucas shrugged still feeling his skin burning from the older's touch. Lucas sexuality always seemed to bother him, since he's never been with a guy, he had thought of being perhaps straight or even bi. He couldn't be more wrong, and that night clearly showed it to him. He was totally gay, without any doubts._

_Everyone remained silent at that comment, which just confirmed that he was right, and it didn't have to be confirmed by anyone._

University was great. Nevertheless, it was definitely harder than high school, yet all the problems caused by studies were some kind of pleasure for Lucas. He was learning things which truly amazed him, making him grow not only in his mind but also in self-understanding, finding his own, original way of describing himself. The fact that he was sharing a living space with both Arthur and Basile made life more comfortable, especially at the beginning when everything was new and terrifying for each of them. Yann moved in with Emma, which seemed a bit extreme for everyone in the group besides them, but they've always stood up for each other. Lucas's been friends with Yann since kindergarten and that was why, he was the one who talked to him, about that. It wasn't even Lucas's idea, Yann was the one who called him at night.

_"I'm scared as fuck Luc" he said as soon as the other one picked up. Even if he wanted to lie and play it all cool, his trembling voice made it quite impossible. This made Lucas slightly relieved as he thought for a while, he was the only one who was literally shitting his pants just at a thought of their new lives. Brunet sighed, thinking about what to say. He knew what Yann was talking about and it didn't consider moving out or even the university itself._

_"I'm not surprised... it's a big deal you know. Like it's your third girlfriend, but the first serious one, and you're going to live together from now on, like... literally just the two of you" Lucas mumbled lying in his bed. He felt weird and it was the most gentle way to describe this. Everything was about to change, and since that moment he was going to be without his parents to help him, he was going to be responsible for food, flat organization, his studies... it seemed unreal. Sure, he had Arthur and Basile, but he couldn't count on Basile being as responsible and helpful as his mum or dad was. Still, he was excited about this new chapter of his life. The truth was that it was life and every chapter has its own ending, even if that ending was the beginning of the new adventure._

_"I know. I love her and I have a feeling that she is the one, you know? But... it was supposed to be us four, living in a dorm or flat, partying, drinking and being us. Doesn't it make you feel... insane?" Yann sighed sounding annoyed._

_"It does. But it's life dude. At first, I was kind of sad about you living together, but I'm truly happy for you right now. Of course only if you're happy. The only difference is you being in another flat, the rest stays the same. On the other hand, you will be living literally three streets away dude" Lucas laughed and he felt relieved hearing the laughter at the other side. "It's going to be sick, you'll see"_

_"Yeah... The gang forever huh?"_

_"You won't be even able to get rid of us"_

_"Try me"_

_"Let me sleep, you fucker. See you tomorrow"_

_"Goodnight buddy"_

The moment of moving out was less stressful and sad that he had thought it could be. Of course, he was sad, but he'd expected himself to cry or at least had teary eyes, but it didn't happen. The fact that it went smooth for him, it didn't mean his mother took it easy, and Lucas was glad his dad came with them. Arthur's and Basile's parents were there as well and that was a big help considering the number of boxes and things they all had brought. Being surrounded by that many people made Lucas busy not realizing the seriousness of the moment. It hit him at night. New place, especially the new bed, new noises outside the window, and a totally different smell, which was the worst part of it. Even though he was sad, he repeated himself how amazing was the opportunity he had gotten.

He quickly got used to the new environment, new people, and schedule which he honestly did love. Lucas missed his family, however, he and the other boys tried to visit their home town as often as it was possible for them. Besides that, which was pretty rare, but also their parents visited him from time to time, bringing for all of them homemade food- obviously, it was a rare phenomenon in their flat, making days like this feel like holidays.

The lectures were hard, especially some of them, but the whole aura of the university made him fell for this whole experience. Comparing his studies and his schedule to Arthur's -who picked medicine- was like vacations, but on the other hand, Basile with his social studies still made Lucas feel like he had a lot of stuff to do. With that, they all created a great balance. Obviously, they all struggled yet everyone was a big support to one another, becoming a small family. Even though Yann was pretty out of their "Gang flat" he still was non stop included in everything they were doing, every drama and pizza party after passed exams. His relationship with Emma had been great and everyone was glad either of them had listened and still moved in together. Lucas was single at that time and watching his friends all happy together made him dream about something like that: the warmth of someone's hands, body and just the idea of being a part of the duo, not just a part of "the gang" or that one friend who was going out with his friends and theirs dates. Arthur started seeing a girl from his year- Alexia, soon after the university had started and they were a perfect match- everybody noticed it straight away. Basile and Daphne finally got together and the truth was, all of the group was grateful that the era of "playing cat and mouse" was over. In the middle of that still was Lucas- forever single, love adviser with a poor, or rather without any, experience in love. Before the end of the first year, he started to think about changing that fact.

Was he happy? Yes. Did he want to change some of his decisions? Not now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back diamonds,  
> hope you liked the chapter!  
> i will post the next one pretty soon so stay tuned 
> 
> see you soon!


	4. Chapter 4

*** Eliott ***

Eliott couldn't say he was alone, because that wasn’t the case. Partly. He had friends, he was even in a few relationships, but saying he felt lonely was absolutely accurate. He loved his friends, whether he meant people from hometown or the "new" ones. The period which included his therapy was harsh and incredibly confusing- especially while trying to figure out his own sanity. Eliott seemed raw, upset and it was hard for him- to stop pretending. Joceline tried her best but as she said- it was Eliott's job that needed to be done if he wanted to feel better. After years of hiding his emotions, the moment he wanted to show them was more than confusing, not only for Eliott but also for people around. "What happened?", "You seem totally different dude" Well, the problem was that it was Eliott Demaury. It made him feel even more depressed - the moment he became aware of his friends -the new ones especially- not liking him as he really was. They liked the Eliott who was created for that exact aim- for people to like him and not leave his side.

He wanted to tell that nothing has changed, his friends were still there, as well as his girlfriend. In fact, everything has changed, mostly everything. He and Lucille broke up, or most precisely she did, and the truth was Eliott couldn’t be even mad at her- he fully understood that decision. She fell in love and got to know a funny guy who made fun of everything, who was seen everywhere. In the end, she got a silent guy who started to be invisible by choosing movie nights at flat over parties- it was a big difference. Even though he lost her, he felt better which seemed to be a paradox. Not only did Lucille leave, but some of his "friends" as well. There wasn't any dramatic conversation ending the friendship, they all just drifted apart, making Eliott aware that he had taken a big role in that. Still, it didn’t matter, which for some could be weird, however, for him, it was part of his journey of getting better.

_"Sometimes you have to sacrifice something small to get something big" Joceline said standing up from her chair to walk to the window, leaving it half-open. The woman sat back at her spot, taking her notebook and pen in hands, ready to write something, although her eyes were laid on Eliott._

_"How am I supposed to know if something is small? How can I be sure if I let go of the right thing? What if in the end, the choice will be wrong?"_

_"You don't know that"_

_"Don't you think it's fucked up? What if I let go of possibly the best thing in my life?" Eliott asked looking a little frustrated and it was understandable._

_"Why do you care Eliott?"_

_"Are you fucking kidding me?" he laughed, thinking he was not the crazy one here. Even though every time he used the word "crazy" Joceline would throw a pen at him, killing him with her stare._

_"You said you believed in alternative universes, right? Then why do you stress about losing something, if another Eliott would take that path and stay with the consequences? In the end, every path will be tried... The truth is, none of us is a diviner Eliott. You don’t try, you'll never know" She explained and crossed her legs looking directly at him._

_He knew that. What's more, the theory of additional universities always made him feel better, more relaxed- the thought of every path being taken and every possibility being tested. Why did he forget about it?_

_"Change isn't always bad or always good. Sometimes it's just necessary. Even if some choices made you feel worse and turned out badly, you shouldn't consider every change as a failure. Don't be scared"_

_Fear. Change. For Eliott is was the same exact world. The same feeling of nausea filling his body just at the sound of those words._

Even though he lost many people, he wasn't alone and the theory of best friends staying with you even during the biggest shit happened to be true in his case. Sofiane could be easily presented as his best friend as well as his girlfriend- Imane. What made Eliott feel proud of himself was the fact that he introduced them to each other and made sure they would end up together. He has never really believed in a term referring to soulmates- for him, it sounded like a fairytale. However, Imane and Sofiane were meant to be together, they were a perfect match and no one could change Eliott's mind about that. He'd never admitted but it was his little dream- to have something they had. Eliott, especially during his therapy era, was perceived more like a "bad" guy rather than a sweetheart, which was inconceivably far from the truth. He was a pure definition of a sweetheart and a romantic type, but there was no occasion to show it. Even if it happened, he definitely wasn't a type of guy to show off. During his relationship with Lucille, he was trying to be the best boyfriend he could possibly be, but as all know it didn't end up being his best idea.

“ _Putting people's needs above yours is never going to make you feel better. Perhaps for a moment, you would feel like Mother Teresa, however, this moment -sooner or later- would end up bringing just harmful consequences.”_ Joceline used to say.

Besides them, Eliott knew he always could count on his cousin Fabien. They basically grew up together and since he'd remembered he's always been by his side and vice versa. He was also the one who literally threatened him and nearly dragged him out of their apartment to the appointment. Fabien was an incredible support for him, who bore with his bullshit and depressive episodes, which were literal pain in the ass- especially at the beginning of his treatment. 

***

_"Eliott, fuck, at least eat something" Fabien sighed after he entered his cousin's room. It was a mess in here, and even this word, didn't perfectly suit this situation. The brunet was sitting in the chair sketching something in his notebook. It was nearly 8 pm and it was the first time they saw each other. That wasn’t because of their busy schedule. Eliott literally hasn't left his room yet._

_"There is no point if I'm not hungry" the boy answered shrugging, not bothering to look up, to meet his roommate's eyes. He could feel this gaze at himself, and most certainly that was the reason he decided to keep his head down. A silent sigh filled the room causing the atmosphere to be more inconvenient._

_"You’ve missed the therapy today" There wasn't any hesitation in his voice. He knew Eliott by heart and he was hurt just by the sight of his cousin being in this state._

_Silence._

_"Eliott... why? Fuck, it has been so good lately. You can't fuck it up, just like that. You missed your lectures, you will drop out the college if you keep doing that" Fabien sounded annoyed and indeed, he was frustrated. "I'm trying my fucking best to support you, but I have no more ideas dude. I'm done with you, seriously"_

_Silence._

_"Wow" Eliott thought ironically._

_He hated this. It wasn't even about his mood anymore. It was about any expectations people have, owning them fucking nothing. What was more hurtful was the fact he couldn't be angry at any of them- they wanted nothing but good for him. So Eliott decided to be mad at himself. For thinking it was his fault which made him even more fed up with himself. The brunet had the right to be angry, sad, scared. This ping pong game, Eliott used to play with an annoying twin in his head, was driving him crazy. It made everything more confusing than it already was. Should he be mad? Should he cry? He should act the way he felt- he knew that. The problem was he had no, literally, no idea what feelings were inside him. "I'm hopeless" the thought came into his head while tightening the grip around his pen._

_"Well... sorry for making you worried. There is no need. I don't need a fucking guardian here so leave me already alone" he gasped after few seconds of thinking. Hearing Fabien taking a loud breath, Eliott quickly decided to ve the first one to speak. "Just fuck off"_

_Silence._

_"There is some lasagne in the fridge" a quiet voice could be barely heard after a long while filled with nothing but silence. A few seconds later Fabien closed the door behind him, leaving Eliott alone._

_***_

_"Why were you mad at yourself?"_

_"He wanted to be nice. All of them, they always want to help. And I treated him like trash. Plus, I made him worried and all... I'm a literal piece of shit, hm?" he chuckled looking at his fingers while piling of some skin around his nails. It was a habit that was successfully gotten rid of, which obviously didn't last long._

_"How old are you?"_

_"22 soon"_

_"Don't you think, you're a big boy?"_

_"So? What's the point?"_

_"You're an adult Eliott. You are responsible only for yourself. You had all the right to be mad at everyone who thinks they are the ones who know you better. Maybe they want to make you feel better, but all they do is kicking you when you're already lying. Did you tell him how you're feeling about that?". A slight shake made Joceline sigh again, rubbing her eyes with her fist. "And what did I ask you to do?"_

_"Talk about my feelings" He murmured a little annoyed as shrugging. It wasn't Joceline who made him mad, but himself. He knew how he should behave, and react in certain situations, yet still, it was hard to remember, especially when he hit the dark spot if his mind._

_"Listen, I know it has been hard. I'm aware. I thought we worked it out, you've been doing great with these issues, what happened?" She asked playing with a pen in her fingers. Another shrug._

_"It's just this voice in my head. And maybe I already know how to turn it down, maybe I know how to control it, but-"_

_"But sometimes you don't want to"_

_"Yeah..."_

***

_"Dude, you look like a zombie" Sofiane laughed at his friend when Eliott sat next to him at the lecture._

_"Well, thanks" Brunet chuckled taking out his books from his backpack. "I've been studying all night, cuz obviously I won't have time to do it today"_

_"Obviously?"_

_"Dude... It's literally your girlfriend's birthday party tonight. Are you even serious right now?" Eliott frowned and seeing how pale Sofiane has become he laughed loudly. "Well, fuck"_

_"Fuck indeed" his friend sighed taking out his phone to check what time it was "Ok, I'm leaving... I have to buy her something. Did you get anything?"_

_"I don't even know how it is possible that I act more like a boyfriend than you. Of course, I bought her a gift, and no, I won’t give it to you and no again, I definitely won’t help you" The brunet mumbled while flipping over pages in his textbook, making sure he was well prepared for the lecture._

_"Eliott..." he heard that tone of the voice, trying his best to ignore it. It didn't take him long to figure out what he was about to be doing for the next hours. And it was obvious, making notes of the lecture was not that._

_"God, you're so annoying"_

_***_

_"This one looks pretty nice" Eliott said pointing at one of the necklaces they've been watching for twenty minutes. "Seriously, she will be happy even when you get her a nice phone case"_

_"And what did you get her?"_

_"New Bluetooth headphones and a gift card for her favorite drugstore" Eliott said still looking at necklaces._

_"I am fucked. Why didn't you buy socks?"_

_"Well, it's my best friend in case you forgot. I won't buy her fucking socks" he laughed_

_"You bought me socks for Christmas"_

_"Yeah... Christmas... do you feel the difference?" Eliott sighed "And you are you, Imane is Imane"_

_"Wow... that was offensive" Sofiane laughed rolling is eyes trying to focus on watching the potential gift for a girl. "How are you?"_

_"Em, good. Stressed about exams" Eliott shrugged and he slightly nodded at a woman on the other side of the countertop, who left them another board with the jewelry._

_"I mean, like mentally" Sofiane added quietly, looking unsurely at his friend, who momentarily seemed to tense a bit._

_"Good... better" he answered and smiled looking at him. It made Eliott always a little emotional, seeing how his friends were interested in his health, life and made it clear he was important for them. He loved them so much._

_"Great, cuz I want to get wasted with you, and with all that depressive bullshit it can be lame" he laughed causing the same reason from Eliott. That was another reason why he loved them. Maybe he was a depressive ball of emotions, but they all still managed to laugh about it- when it was fine by him, which was mostly always. It could be easily noticed when he found it as the right moment, and when they all were better to be quiet._

_"You're impossible. Better buy something, cuz I'm getting hungry" Eliott said stepping back away from the countertop to make more space for his friend. After he finally picked something, luckily for Eliott, they managed to arrive at their favorite restaurant at the lunch hours._

His university years were not easy at all- but he still considered them as one of the better ones. Despite his depression and the struggle of dealing with his part-time job and studies, it was much better than his high school years. Mostly because at some point he started to feel like he was at the place where he belonged, or at least he was getting close to it.

His work at the video rental shop was exceeding his expectation. Especially when the only reason why he chose it, was the fact, that this job seemed to be simple. The reality made him fall in love in movies, especially the old ones, which his friends found as a confirmation of the fact of how romantic and old-fashioned he was. He didn't care as long as he could enjoy movies, mostly on his own, because not many people admired the magic of the "old way of watching movies". Having netflix, hulu, hbo go, made people lazier and definitely not as interested in movies as in the past. The whole process of looking for a movie, reading the plot at the back on its cover, and the feeling of excitement while looking forward to watching it. Seeing a movie, going to a cinema- it wasn't something odd and exciting anymore, it became normal to many. Eliott was one of them, but after giving it another try, he immediately fell for it wishing, he never turns his back at it. It made him feel the same exact warm feeling of excitement, he used to feel while being young. It was happening mostly during times, the store was visited by young women with kids, who wanted to introduce "how it looked like back in days" to their children. There was always the same flashback played in his head, causing his heart to melt a bit. 

***

_"Eli, son, wait for me darling" the young woman laughed while running after the little light-haired boy. He stopped just after reaching the old, glass doors leading to the video rental store. The kid was definitely too young to know how to read, but the neon sign with the name of the store on the windows must have been clearly known by him. Eliott giggled, looking as his mother approached him, taking his little hand in hers. "You are so fast, sweetheart. I bet you'll win an Olympics one day huh?"_

_"I will mama. But only with you running behind" he said happily, pushing the doors with the whole strength he had. His mother helped him a little, but making sure he wasn't looking. Soon after they both went into the store, exchanging a gentle "hello" with a salesman, just to turn in the right direction._

_"You can pick two Eli since you did so well at the doctor’s appointment," the woman said causing her son's eyes to widen with excitement. "But you have to hurry up baby, we have to prepare dinner for your dad". The boy nodded and left his mother before walking through the cupboard, where his favorite animated movies were. "Eli, where are you going?"_

_"Shh... just wait mama" he said nagging her the exact way she used to do, which made her chuckle quietly. The woman watched him carefully with curiosity seeing how her son was slightly confused, still trying his best to act like he knew what he was doing. She looked at the salesman and smiled at him, nodding in her son's direction. He got the message and soon after he was next to Eliott looking at him with a smile._

_"Can I help you, young man? Maybe you need any recommendation?" he asked kindly, and Eliott couldn't be more relieved. The boy nodded insignificantly and moved his hand asking the man to move closer. When he did, Eliott whispered something in his ear, and soon after the man straightened up with a smile. "I think I can help you"_

_After some time, the store worker came back and handed Eliott one movie. He thanked him with a giant smiled and walked to his mom just to show her his pic of the cd, being seemingly happy about it. **"What women want"**_

_She laughed seeing the title and took the film in her hands._

_"It is not an animated story baby. Pick something you'll like" She said stroking his hair with fingers._

_"I'll like it" he insisted, crossing his arms just to show how sure he was at that moment._

_"You could pick two movies. Just pick the two you'll like"_

_"I want this one. It's more expensive because it's a new one. I want that one mama please" he said stubbornly. Knowing that it would work for sure, he looked at her in a way, no one would be able to say "no" to him. She sighed and walked to the cashier, to pay for the movie._

_"You always choose "Lady and the Tramp" She said as walking outside, hand in hand with her son. He shrugged kicking little rocks with his shoe. "Eliott?" she insisted._

_"I just want to watch a movie that you'll like. You always watch "Lady and the Tramp" with me, and you are the best mum... so I want to watch something you will like" he said and the woman's heart melted as it had never before. She knew her son was the sweetest boy in the whole world, but she didn't expect this... at all._

_"I love Lady and the Tramp" baby. But it was sweet, thank you" she laughed and squeezed his hand lightly in a loving way._

_"Oh...you do love it?" he asked raising his gaze at her, looking seemingly confused, at which his mother laugh. A slight regret mixed with a shock, made this boy look even cuter._

_"I do. We’ll rent that next time baby" she said and Eliott couldn't be happier._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi diamonds,  
> I hope you liked the next chapter and I promise that you don't have to wait long for something to happen.  
> what do you think so far?  
> hope you're having a good day, see you soon!


	5. Chapter 5

*** Lucas ***

Being in love was definitely something he's been dreaming of for quite a long time. Although finally being in a relationship, he just partly achieved everything he wanted so far. Satisfying studies, pretty good grades, still perfect relations with his family and friends... great boyfriend. Believing in destiny, he could be sure that it was his place to be. There was not such a thing as a coincidence for Lucas- everything had a purpose. 

Looking back Lucas's never been a party type -at all- and when he agreed on something which involved clubbing, dancing, or drinking in public, it meant there was no other choice or he was already wasted. Considering where he ended up and what he had at that moment, Lucas was grateful for this one time when he'd decided to go out- this one time when he had met his dream. 

_"It's going to be epic Luc!" Basile laughed throwing his arms on his friend's shoulders, who wasn't convinced about that even a little bit. Lucas agreed just because he had literally nothing else to do at home and it was better to go with them rather than watching another series on netflix. What's more, if his mother noticed that, he would be dead._

_"Hurry up fuckers" Yann rolled his eyes being far away, leaving them behind. They were invited by his friends from the same year and being late was the thing Yann hated the most. Even though while being friends with Lucas, Arthur, and Basile he was quite used to it, which drove him crazy. Every time they all made some plans he added 30 minutes to the original time just to make sure they would be on time. Mostly it worked out, but this time Yann was the one who fucked up and forgot about the golden rule- and here they were, running late. All of them rolled their eyes but speeded up not wanting to annoy Yann more than they naturally were doing._

_Soon after they found his friends standing in the queue, which wasn't that big as they all thought. Just this fact made Lucas think about that night in a better way- the beginning was tolerably good._

_***_

_"Fuck, watch where you're going, fucker" Lucas gasped when someone bumped into him while he was standing near the bar sipping on his drink._

_'Oh... sorry" a deep voice hit Lucas's ears making him turn around just to look at that person. When he did it, a weird, yet pleasant spark going through his whole body. "Sorry... I wanted to talk to you actually" the man laughed stroking his shoulder awkwardly "But someone apparently thought it would be funny to push me" he snorted and looked through his arm at someone. Lucas followed his gaze, right away, and behind the tall guy, he saw a smaller red-haired one._

_"Yeah... sorry dude. I wanted to make him braver and it turns out that I'm stronger than I thought" the other one laughed, which was commented by the taller one with a frown and eyes roll. Lucas bit his lower lip trying his best not to smile at the whole situation, which was hard._

_"Yeah... totally, That's the case Eric" he chuckled and quickly looked back at Lucas. Seeing him smiling made his own smile grow even bigger. "I'm Jean.. and this dumbass is Eric, but I guess you know it by now" he mumbled putting hands in the pockets of his jeans._

_"Lucas" he spoke loud enough for both of them to hear. Jean nodded slightly smiling, but after a few seconds, he cleared his throat looking at his friend. "I thought you wanted to do something somewhere"_

_"Oh... right. So, it was nice meeting you Lucas. Hope to see you around more often now" he winked at both of them, making Jean sigh loudly._

_"Sorry for him... I'm friends with him just out of sympathy" Lucas laughed hearing that. "Cute" he thought._

_"I'm the one who should be sorry... There is a high chance that I literally called you a fucker"_

_"I deserved that... Can I buy you a drink as an apology? Since you've already finished yours" Just now Lucas noticed the glass in his hands was empty. He must have drunk everything while watching these two talking._

_"Sex on the beach, please" he froze as soon as the realization of the sound of that sentence came to his mind. "Fuck"_

_"You go straight to the point" Jean chuckled, trying hard not to laugh louder seeing how red his new friend's face started to get. "Easy... relax Lucas" he winked and put his hand on Lucas' back just to stroke it gently. Feeling that, the shorter one looked up and smiled feeling the unwinding warmth just from the touch._

_"Sex on the beach and gin with tonic" he heard Jean speaking to the barman. Lucas watched him carefully, taking a moment to appreciate every part of the other's body. Jean was taller than him, which was a plus since the beginning. Big and dark eyes, quiet longer hair made him look surprisingly cute, however, the black t-shirt perfectly brought up his muscles. Lucas wanted to know if it was his dream because clearly, everything made him think that way._

_"Anything interesting?" the deep voice near his ear made him jumped slightly and just then Lucas realized he must have been staring at the other one for too long. He wanted to step back and make some excuse yet seeing Jean's stare, the decision was immediately changed._

_"Maybe..."_

Lucas has never thought in his life that he would agree on something like that. However, here he was. Questioning partly every decision he has made so far. Lying on the sofa in the apartment without any idea what he should do with himself or what was more important with the situation. Was he stressed? Obviously. Did he try to keep himself busy? Of course. He cleaned the whole place, prepared dinner for him, and Jean, he even read the materials for his lectures- yet his thoughts were all around. In his head, he would reply a certain moment all over again and wonder what would happen if he said no. During nights like this, he liked to play with himself his favorite game "what if". It was fucked up, yet no one said Lucas wanted to make himself feel better. He was always unsure, he'd always had doubts, but he found a way to turn them down- "what if". So what if he said no? What if he decided to stay at home rather than going to the bar that night?

_”Hi baby” he heard the familiar voice from the hallway, and the smile on his face widen as soon as he saw the tall dark-haired guy walking in the living room. Their apartment was small, however, Lucas loved it. The coziness which surrounded him made this place feel like home or sometimes even something more. He stood up from the couch and approached the man, just to kiss his cheek with a bright smile on his face._

_”Hey you. Thought you were staying late at work today” Lucas frowned and stepped back allowing his boyfriend to take off his shoes and jacket._

_”That was the plan, but I modified it a little” he smirked and took from behind his back, a bag with Lucas’ favorite sushi restaurant printed on it._

_”You didn’t,” the shorter one said immediately taking the bag in his hand, looking inside it. The satisfying sigh left his mouth as soon as he could smell fresh and still warm food, causing the extra saliva filling his mouth. ”I'm starving, how did you know?” he asked walking back into the living room. Sitting on the couch he still was looking at Jean, who soon took a seat next to Lucas._

_”Guess I’m lucky enough. I thought we could eat something fancy and watch the movie you had talked about” Lucas nodded but the truth was he didn't care bout anything else that his favorite food and Jean was surely aware of that. He smiled and laughed quietly shaking his head in disbelieve- sometimes Lucas acted like a little kid but the truth was it made him even more special._

***

_The evening started perfectly and most people would think that it was a sign that it was temporary and the prologue to the worse chapter. Well in this relationship it was not the case. It was perfect- most of the time. Of course, there were fights but the happy end was meant to be as well as the whole process of making up- which both of them liked the most. There were different in so many areas- that made their bond even special. They've rarely agreed with each other, with both of them being stubborn, however, this led to hours of discussions and debates about trivial or serious matters. Even though they were stubborn, none of them could be mad at the other for a long time, especially when the fight considered the disagreement. In the end, both of them were ready to agree with what he previously said was nonsense. The most serious problem was that Jean was more open to other possibilities in the bedroom and more out-going with parties, bars while Lucas was not. He just wasn't the type who felt comfortable with some things and he didn't want to force himself to any of them- the same as Jean. He's never made Lucas feel like he owed him anything. But Lucas knew he was stopping some of his needs. That was the reason he wasn't surprised at the topic which Jean started, and definitely, that was a reason he agreed._

_"I want to talk with you about something" Jean started when the movie ended. Lucas looked up with curiosity in his eyes. Someone would be worried, but Lucas was not. He trusted Jean, believed in his love and many found it stupid and irresponsible- maybe, Lucas didn't plan on changing that. He raised his eyebrows encouraging his boyfriend to start talking. Jean cleaned his throat and changed the position he was currently sitting in, wrapping his arm around Lucas, gently pulling him closer. "So... I've been thinking about something. Marco told recently that he'd started doing that with his girlfriend and I thought we could try it... obviously only if it would be okay with you, like... no pressure baby"_

_"Straight to the point" Lucas said quietly, frowning being utterly interested, especially seeing how nervous this made Jean._

_"What would you say about us being in an open relationship?" He asked and that was something Lucas wasn't prepared at all._

It was past 12 am and Lucas was done waiting. After thinking about staying till Jean would come back seemed to be dumb, even if at first he wanted to greet his boyfriends. in the end he decided he didn't want to see him the exact moment he will appear. Lucas took a cold shower forcing himself to wind down somehow -if it was even possible- and buried himself under the bedding. It was the moment he heard the door being opened and is heart rased a bit. 

"You asleep?" Jean asked while later, when he entered their bedroom, trying really hard to be quiet in case his partner would sleep.

"Not really" he answered softly, pulling his head up, just to take a better look at Jean. It was dark, yet while lying like his he was used to the darkness and managed to see -barely- taller man. He could clearly say he was smiling at him, which made Lucas' heart speed a little. 

"Okay I-"

"How was it?" a quiet question was thrown into the space between them and the truth was none of them knew what to do about it.

Silence.

"Hm...okay, it was okay" Jean said unsurely taking off his clothes. Lucas' eyes didn't leave his boyfriend while undressing or disappearing by the bathroom's doors. He sighed flipped over to his backs, staring into the ceiling. His thought made him so absorbed, he even didn't notice the mattress diffracting under Jean's weight. An armed thrown around his stomach made him realized he was no longer alone. Lucas turned his head to meet big, dark eyes staring at him closely. 

"I... We don't have to, if you do-"

"It's okay baby... I just need some time. It's fucking weird... thinking that you are with somebody else" he sighed looking back at the ceiling, biting his lower lip.

"I just don't want you to be hurt Lucas. We can stop, seriously... it's been weeks and you still haven't hook up with anyone. It's not the point" he said and Lucas just sighed heavily again.

"Ok... I will meet with someone. I will try at least. It's totally fine Jean, don't worry" he mumbled feeling the burning gaze. He rolled his eyes knowing perfectly it wouldn't end until he gave his boyfriend enough attention. "You're annoying" he laughed but turned over to face the other one

"You love me tho" he chuckled and learn to give Lucas a gentle kiss, which made him melt in his arms. 

"You wish" a barely understandable growling left his mouth but was immediately hushed by another kiss. 

"Just remember... one word and we'll end it"

Lucas found this decision incredibly hard. And it definitely wasn't "open relationship" thing related at all. Two weeks later he was sitting and staring at his phone debating with himself whether we should do it or not. Jean had to leave for a family gathering on which- obviously- Lucas was also invited, but because of the start of the new semester, he had many things to deal with. The younger knew about every of Jean's dates and what made him a little better was the fact he was open and honest with him about them. He shared their pics to ask whether Lucas would agree, which he clearly always did. Although he wasn't really a fan of this idea- from his side- he decided to give it a go. Lucas was satisfied with his relationship and he didn't need anything besides this. Moreover, he didn't imagine being with someone else even on a simple date. On the other hand, since Jean's been doing it, why wouldn't he at least try? After saying "yes" he hasn't thought about any consequences, he even hasn't thought about this situation at all. He just simply agreed. Just now after weeks of living like that, he knew his friends were quite right, but obviously admitting that was the last thing he would do.

When he first told the gang about that, they weren't pleased about that at all, and it was odd reflecting the fact that Lucas didn't mind it- and for them, it was the biggest issue. 

_"Is he fucking serious?" Arthur gasped sitting on the floor in front of the sofa on which Lucas and Yann were actually sitting._

_"Apparently yes" Lucas jerked his shoulders in a shrug, taking a sip of his beer._

_"And I hope you kicked his ass" the blonde continued looking closely at his friends._

_"No? I did say yes. Like, there are some things I don't want to do, and I won't give it to him... if you know what I mean. It's better for me to agree at this than living with a fear of him cheating or me making him unhappy" in a relationship. And it is not that a big of a deal anyway_

_"Fuck that Lucas-"_

_"Can you hear yourself? It's not healthy at all" Yann joined the conversation, not minding if his friend wanted to finish the sentence. Arthur's eyes drifted quickly to Basile with his eyebrows raised, asking him for help._

_"I mean... like it's his thing guys" he spoke shrugging, which was met with sighs as the answeres. "Lots of people have relationships like this and as long as Lucas is okay with that then we shouldn't give a fuck about that" he filled the silence and smiled seeing how Lucas' face softened at his words. "Just... you should think about it carefully. You're living together so you'll see him coming back from these hook ups, he might smell like them... all that shit."_

_"Yeah... I know. It's just... the truth is I haven't thought about it. I was so shocked. Still... I don't think like it's such a bad idea". It was true. Lucas wanted to make his boyfriend happy, and he was aware he wasn't able to do so, so why not? He knew Jean loved him and he believed it wouldn't change anything between the two of them._

_"Maybe... just don't understand that. How can you be with someone, claim you love them, and still sleep with other people" Arthur chuckled "I just don't image doing something like this"_

_"Everyone is different, dude. I wouldn't do it either, but yeah. life is life" Basile said texting something on his phone, which was possible a message to Daphne._

_"Thanks, Baz" Lucas spoke after a while of silence, seeing his friend winking at him in response._

_"Chill... just be careful"_

Lucas was supposed to study, but he couldn't focus on anything. That's why he finally installed Tinder feeling utterly weird about that. He felt like a cheater even though that was how their relationship was. A loud sigh filled the room, leaving no space for anything more than hesitation. Lucas scrolled through the app looking at guys and his eyes started to hurt not only from all of the options but some pics made him feel his dinner wanting to escape. He chuckled seeing another cheesy quote at the profile of some guy who wanted to sound cool, but obviously, the result was nowhere close to it. Lucas's never used Tinder, he only heard about the app, and from what he saw it didn't differ from all the stories. There were some exceptions which he gave them a chance but none of them texted him. He could do it first but being so confused, with still literally no idea what he could write, it didn't seem to be a good idea. Lucas had a great talent for making a full of himself. During the beginning of his and Jean's relationship, he always thought about every text he was about to send. He cared about other boy's opinion of him and having a pretty big crush on Jean, he wanted to impress him, especially being three years younger. There was obviously a dilemma about the possible message he could send, but in his mind whatever came to his mind, was stupid.

"Hey, my boyfriend is fucking some randoms so I want to do this too. Well honestly I don't feel like it but why not?" Sounded lame, even too lame even for Lucas. 

Being frustrated after the next hour, the brunet let a loud sighed and closed the app. He was staring at his lock screen thinking about texting his boyfriend, but in the end, he just blocked his phone and left to take a shower. There was nothing more he wanted more right now than to think about something else, which didn't consider love-related things. His project which was due to next week seemed to be a really good alternative still, not making him feel better. A quick shower, every night's face care routine, and one glass of water late, Lucas lied under all the covers taking a phone in his hand. The warm drizzle of shock mixed with excitement came through his body as a notification panel had one message waiting to be read.

 **Eliott D:** Wow, first pic without a penis on it. If you don't like pineapple on pizza, I'm impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi diamonds!  
> hope you like the chapter and the story still seems interesting to you.  
> hope you all are doing great and have a good day c:  
> see you soon!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi diamonds!  
> I am coming back with a new chapter as promised.  
> I am sorry if you find some typos- chances are really high lmao   
> ALSO, I'm working on a new shorter fic, so I will be glad if I get any feedback whether you like my stories- anything.   
> cc, tt, or here, you can find me everywhere.  
> Hope you're having a good day, and enjoy!!

*** Eliott ***

Sitting at Idriss' place drinking and talking about what's been happening in their lives, became a sort of tradition for the group of friends. They all have just turned 26- which for most people looked pretty serious- making it the right time to start a family or just the process of thinking about the possibility of finding someone. It was mostly referring to Eliott since the rest of them already was in the relationships still, it didn't seem to bother him. 

After graduating from the university, which was last year, they all tried truly hard on maintaining their friendship and the truth was it worked out really well. 

Usually, Fridays or Saturdays were their days of gathering at either their flats or just random places to catch up with their lives and simply have some fun. Since Eliott stopped taking his medications, all of them were again able to meet and drink, smoke, or just wind down altogether. Obviously, they tended to do it earlier as well, just without drinking, even though Eliott assured them many times it was okay for them to drink and have fun. Mostly it was Idriss's apartment or Sofian's and Imane's. It's not like, Eliott didn't want to be a host. To be honest, he loved being one whether he had a chance, which wasn't a case since he had moved out. Now renting a room in an old lady's flat made drinking and inviting people not necessarily hard, but just uncomfortable. The best part was that the feeling of discomfort wasn't referring to Mrs. Siphane, it was referring to Eliott. She didn't have any problem with parties, even encouraging him on doing them, asking when would he come back with some beautiful woman. 

Elena was a type of "crazy" woman, of course in a positive meaning of this word. It wasn't frequent, but every time Eliott's friend would come, she stopped them in the living room demanding some updates on their lives. That was why almost every gathering at Eliott's ended up in the living room with Elena, coffee, cake, and her annoying cat- Horace. He and Eliott definitely haven't been fans of each other, which was clearly seen since the time their paths had crossed. Still, anytime Elena was out, Eliott was trying his best to maintain Horace's existence, even if he hated him with all his heart. Vice versa. 

She was a mother figure to him even if he's been living there for two years now. The moment Fabien got engaged with Sophie it was obvious for Eliott that he needed to move out. Of course, none of them said it out loud and what's more, both Sophie and Fabien insisted on him staying with them. Living in a pretty small flat with two other people, who -being honest- were too cute around each other, wasn't Eliott's dream. Moving out and living with Elena was something new, and Eliott was utterly glad he ended up with her.

Of course, the whole living-situation wasn't helpful if you are thinking about any potential hookups. The moment your date looks at you in that way and all you can think about is to fuck them, mentioning living in a flat with 70years old and her cat, wasn't quite heady- to speak gently. He usually used some excuses to end up in the other person's flat which always worked out. 

Elena met just one of his partners who was a girl met in the restaurant. 

She was utterly cute, since the moment their first talk. He was at lunch with Sofiane at the cafe where she used to work after lectures. They both glanced at each other many times until Elle was the one who made that first step. After paying for the lunch, Eliott was about to leave a tip for her, when he noticed a note left on the bill. It was her phone number with a name next to it. 

They used to date for almost a year until she decided to move out to start another major at the university in the capital. She asked Eliott to go with her to start the future which was meant to be theirs. It freaked him out. He wasn't ready for something like that- at all. They'd been dating for a year, he was 25 years old and renting just a room, because he had basically no money. It was one of the hardest decisions, even though he had broken up with many people before. He loved her. At least that's what he thought till the realization had hit him. If he had loved her, if he was sure about them, he wouldn't have hesitated for even a second. That was the moment he had his first panic attack after years of not having a single one. He learned how to control it, thanks to which it didn't last long and for sure, wasn't at strong as in the past. The break up wasn't anyhow close to being easy and it didn't go well. 

Thinking about it now, he was glad about the decision. He wasn't ready to settle down back then, especially not with her. Now was different.

Eliott was quite tired of being single, and it's not like he dreamt of having a partner, but after so much time being alone, it felt just right. The moment seemed perfect not because of the "appropriate" age he was. It was because his sanity couldn't be any better now. It started to make him feel exhausted- sleeping with someone who possibly wouldn't be even there when he woke up. It just wasn't the way he wanted to keep living. Downloading tinder wasn't something he dreamt of either, yet he was hopeless, and continuing on blind-dates being set up by his friend started to be ridiculously pathetic. He heard many concerns about tinder and by far none of them was even close to being inaccurate. Treating this app like something serious wasn't the case. Of course, Eliott has been avoiding people with obvious intentions, since he was looking -at least- for someone to talk to. Even if he missed any kind of romantic interaction, being close to that level of desperation, wasn't a thing he would do.

Now being surrounded by his friends to catch up with news each of them wanted to share, Eliott was just busy with the app. He got matched with some pretty girls and interesting guys, but none of them was  _ that  _ choice. They were attractive, no one could say otherwise, although looking at their profile, the brunet couldn't picture himself with them in a serious relationship. At some point, it started to seem pointless, yet he gave it one more shot. 

The next picture came up and he smiled slightly at the sight of it. The guy looked slightly younger and utterly handsome. It was impossible not to notice how cute he was with his ocean blue eyes. Eliott clicked on the profile, just to find himself watching every picture attached to it and reading the bio. 

Something seemed to be wrong. The fact how good and normal it looked, couldn't be real- that was Eliott thought while spending so much time on tinder. Reading everything for the second time he bit his lower lip pressing the letter icon. 

**_ Eliott D: _ ** _ Wow, first pic without a penis on it. If you don't like pineapple on pizza I'm impressed. _

Yes, he was stressed. 

Yes, it was pathetic. 

Yes, he still didn't care. 

Eliott didn't allow himself to have high hopes. Even though he wasn't taking medications, he felt good, beyond good. It's been a long time since he had attended the therapy, yet he still struggled with disappointments. This time the urge to hope and expecting anything was stronger, which Eliott didn't try to change or somehow stop. Looking, every second, on his phone, unlocking it just to see if the guy answered back, made him look like a teenager. He felt like one as well, which was a good variation, considering the fact that during his teenage years Eliott was nothing like a teenager.

After a few minutes of not getting any answer, Eliott sighed, going back to his friends and the conversation they were having. The brunet put the mobile on his lap just to take a sip of his beer while listening carefully to what Imane was saying at that moment. At least he was trying to.

_ "There is no point in thinking about that now. It was predictable. Too good to be real, possibly another bot" _ he thought, looking at his friend without paying more attention to his previous problem.

The moment when he felt a buzz on his tight, made his heart drop a little. With the corner of his eyes, Eliott looked down at his phone, and seeing the blue-eyed boy's picture on the notification pad he smiled immediately. __

**_ Lucas L: _ ** _ Well, so it's better if I don't answer then. _

**_ Eliott D: _ ** _ You can't be serious. Jesus, you gave me high hopes :/ _

**_ Lucas L _ ** _ : I'm kidding. Only pepperoni and margarita with shrimps in my heart ;) Don't block me _

**_ Eliott D: _ ** _ Wow... I was about to do that tho. And shrimps? That can't be good _

**_ Lucas L: _ ** _ All way or no way ;). It's the most delicious pizza in the whole wide world. You don't know what you lose  _

**_ Eliott D: _ ** _ I will give it a try then... will blame food poisoning on you, so don't dare to block me _

**_ Lucas L: _ ** _ Haha no way I would do that! This will be the best decision you make in your life. Trust me _

**_ Eliott D:  _ ** _ Okaay... Maybe you would like to go with me? _

Brunet was sitting staring at the text starting to feel a little anxious about not getting any message back. He sighed putting his phone on the table, again trying to listen to the conversation between his friends. Even though Eliott couldn't resist glancing at the table from time to time. Could he fuck this up with one message?

"So when you're starting that internship?" Idriss asked Eliott, making his thoughts focus on something else than the dating app and beautiful boy.

"In one month I guess. Still, I have to go to the interview before I make a decision which one will be better" the answer is rather quick as he had thought about it before. 

His friends nodded understandingly drinking their beers.

"We were planning on going to the cinema tomorrow. Eliott you in?" Sofiane asked kissing his girlfriend on the cheek, having his arm wrapped around her neck.

"As a third wheel? no thanks" he chuckled rolling his eyes "Thanks for inviting me, but I will pass" 

"You are so boring I can't even..." Imane sighed looking at her friend, who rolled his eyes again 

"I'm going there too, so you'll be not third-wheeling" Idriss broke in throwing a pillow in Eliott's direction. 

He caught it and throw it back at the taller friend. "You are going? Or you and Ingrid are coming?" 

"Even if she is going, so what? It's not third-wheeling and you know it" 

"Is it that weird that I don't like going out with you on your double dates?" He let a frustrated breath out of his mouth and took the last sip of his beer finishing it. 

"So why won't you find yourself a date?" Sofiane asked and that cause laughter from Eliott.

"And what do you think I've been working on? Anyway, it's supposed to be my problem, not yours. Like no offense but mind your own dick babe" he smirked. 

Since he's been talking to Joceline and working on his sanity, he changed and he was no longer so easy-going or nice. If something made him mad, he was clearly showing it, not minding even to put it in gentle words. At first, his friends were a little surprised, especially when one day he had reacted harshly- totally different from what he used to be. Eliott explained to them the reason behind it and that was enough for them not only to understand it but also to encourage this kind of behavior. 

"Anyone wants another beer?" he changed the topic with a smile standing up from the couch. 

"Me. I will go get one with you" Idriss answered, smiling back brightly and without waiting for Eliott's approval, he jumped out of the couch just to appear next to the brunet. 

Standing in front of the fridge, taking out some beers, the taller one cleared his throat. "Look... we don't want you to feel like we don't want to hang out with you anymore. The fact that we are in relationships, doesn't mean we can't go somewhere all together" 

Eliott hummed. "Dude... I know. It just feels weird. Not always, but still... I appreciate that and I'm glad I have you all in my life." The brunet winked t him, taking one beer, from Idriss's hand.

"I hope so. I don't deal with your shit for nothing" both of them laughed looking at each other, before leaving the kitchen. 

Eliott throw himself back at the couch and glanced at his phone. Seeing a few notifications on his lock screen, a wider smile spread on his face, feeling a slight hope growing inside him again.

** Lucas L: ** That would be great

** Lucas L: ** Are you free soon?

** Lucas L: ** Sorry if it's too weird but this app sucks at messaging. Could you give me your phone number? 

** Eliott D: ** It's not weird, totally agree on that ;)

***

Eliott was sitting inside the restaurant bumping the table with his fingers, being slightly nervous. The brunet was taking a sip of his juice from time to time glancing at the black watch on his right wrist. 

Lucas wasn't late, he had still plenty of time to show up. It was Eliott who always tried to be half an hour before the planned hour- his mother taught him that. Since he was a little boy he had never been late to anything, which can be perceived as impossible to do. It wasn't that case. Eliott Demaury was included in the group of people who always plan and have everything organized- at least since he had been living by himself. 

The sound of the ring caused by opening the doors, made Eliott look up, but he sighed as soon as he saw a young lady with a kid. The truth was Eliott couldn't wait to finally meet Lucas. They've been texting for a week and it was the first time he felt something like that- he couldn't explain exactly what feelings there were, yet for sure he didn't want it to end. Lucas was about 5 years younger than Eliott but it was barely noticeable in their conversations. The younger boy was much more mature than people his age as well as Eliott- just otherwise. Demaury was at least 21 years old in the body of 27 years old guy.

"Hey. Hope you haven't been waiting for long" he heard the softest and the most comforting voice in his life, making him speechless. 

Picking up his gaze from the table to finally see Lucas in real life, face to face, didn't help at all. All he managed to do was to shake his head with a gentle smile. The younger smiled wider taking a sit in front of the man, frowning a little. 

"What? I look that bad?" he laughed nervously, looking a little lost. 

"What? Jesus no" Eliott chucked rubbing his neck awkwardly. "Totally opposite actually" he smiled watching the expression on Lucas face changing into a calmer one. His jaw loosened and through his eyes, you could see those little sparkles. "I didn't order anything for you. Since you like pizza with shrimps I expect you to drink something weirder than basic juice" Eliott winked causing Lucas to roll his eyes, which of course the older found adorable. "That's exactly how I imagined you. You are using too much of that emoji" he chuckled, laughing lauder as soon as he noticed Lucas trying his best not to do that again.

"Asshole. Exactly how I imagined you" Lucas puffed, smiling widely at the guy in front of him.

"So you have been imagining me, huh?" Eliott said with a smirk watching how Lucas' cheeks started getting a little pinkish. 

At first, he wanted to comment on that, yet decided to stay quiet. Making him feel uncomfortable around himself was contrary to his original plan. He cleaned his throat at moved the menu, which was next to his hand, closer to Lucas. 

"And you? Have you already picked?" 

"It's my favorite place, I know that menu by heart" Eliott smiled watching as Lucas took the paper in his hand scanning every single position. "32 is great. If you like pasta obviously" 

"I don't trust people who don't like pasta. Double 32 then" Lucas said with a smile and looked around just to catch eye contact with the waitress. 

The awkwardness was something Eliott was dearly scared of. Texting with Lucas was smooth, he didn't feel uncomfortable with cursing, writing inappropriate jokes, or even sending pictures of cute puppies saying how much he would like to have one. Even though he barely knew Lucas, they both seemed to feel relaxed around each other. It's nothing new that meeting in a person differs from writing and statistically, 80% of online relations ends after the first meeting. Not like he was checking or reading anything about that. 

Eliott was an awkward person, especially while the whole process of getting to know each other. Every time he had met someone, the friendship, or any other potential relation, ended as quickly as it has started. He was afraid that it can repeat, which obviously nothing he had dreamt of. 

To his surprise, the awkwardness was just his fear which, luckily for both of them, didn't take place. They wouldn't stop talking even after their food was delivered to their table, which clearly didn't bother any of them. 

After a small argument about how is going to pay for the dinner, Eliott gloatingly took the wallet out of his pocket as soon as the waitress came with a bill.

"At least let me take you for the best ice-cream in the whole city" Lucas pointed at him with a warning finger, making himself look a little more serious. Not happening. 

Eliott chuckled quietly while entering the password to his card. He nodded gently having his full attention tuned into the payment process. "They better be the best." He said glancing at the younger boy with a soft smile. As soon as he got the confirmation of remittance, Eliott looked at Lucas again raising his eyebrows. "Ready?" as an answer he got a nod, leading him to stand and put on the jacket. 

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Lucas doing exactly the same. It was noticeable the younger one was also shorter than him, which Eliott found incredibly adorable. It perfectly fitted the image of the boy he had created earlier in his head. Cute, tiny, funny, seem to be slightly lost but still trying to play it "cool". 

***

"I would never think you're gonna eat that much" Eliott laughed loudly sitting next to Lucas on the bench in one of the biggest parks in the city. They both had ice-creams in their hands, the only difference was that Eliott chose just two flavors, while Lucas went with five. The older's decision could have been impacted by the fact he simply didn't want Lucas to spend money on him. The truth was Eliott wasn't really an ice-cream eater anyway still, the first assumption took a big role in making the decision. 

"There are many things you would never think of me" Lucas chuckled licking the waffle from the already melting dessert. 

Seeing this Eliott quickly moved his gaze away from him, nervously swallowing his saliva. 

"I wouldn't be surprised with any of that" 

"That sounds like a dare pops" 

"I told you not to call me like that" Eliott rolled his eyes at the younger who was laughing satisfied. 

Seeing the younger one laughing that cutely, he himself, let a quiet chuckle escape his mouth, shaking his head in disbelieve. "You are impossible"

"Thanks. This is a compliment I can take" he said looking at Eliott who could perfectly feel his gaze on himself. 

Normally he would feel suffocated, however, knowing it's Lucas who is staring at him, Eliott wasn't uncomfortable with that at all. What made the meeting better was the fact that the silence was as much entertaining as talking to each other. It felt just right. 

Seeing a movement next to himself. Eliott looked up at Lucas who took the phone out of his pocket reading a message. The younger boy bit his lower lip and let out a quiet sigh staring at the mobile. 

"Something happened?" Eliott spoke after a few seconds unsurely. 

He didn't know if he had any right to ask, not mentioning getting the answer. 

"What? No... No, it's nothing. I just have to get going" He said after a while with a gently smile, writing something back and then he hid his phone again. "I will just finish this" 

"Um.. yeah, sure. Don't hurry then" Eliott said feeling some kind of disappointment growing in him. It was mixed both with sadness and stress, which was utterly hard for Eliott to understand or even find in his head a similar situation from the past. He was scared it could be their last meeting, which in Eliott's eyes seemed like a terrible scenario. 

"I know that in your age maybe it's necessary to eat slowly not to choke, but you know pops, I still have pretty healthy teeth and they are still all-natural" Lucas smirked which made Eliott chuckled 

"You are seriously a piece of an asshole, aren't you?" 

"Not much. Just for you, I guess. You can feel special then pops." 

"Whatever kid." He said with a bust of confidence. 

He knew that as much as he hated the "pops", the "kid" worked on Lucas the same way. A loud snort was just a confirmation. "I can walk you home, it's pretty late," Eliott said, and seeing that Lucas'd finished his ice cream, he stood up. 

"No. Actually, my mom is supposed to pick me up. She was doing some shopping so yeah..." the answer came quickly, to be honest too quickly. Eliott wanted to argue with that, yet seeing the expression on Lucas's face, he just sighed and smiled softly at him. 

"Okay... so see you soon?" Eliott raised his eyebrows questionably, just to move a little closer to the younger boy. As soon as he took one step closer, he clearly noticed the movement from Lucas- unfortunately not in his direction. Eliott took a step back while clearing his throat nervously, still trying his best not to look disappointment or angry.  _ Adorable _ . 

"Yes. Totally. Definitely" Lucas answered back, daring to look directly at Eliott's eyes. 

He wanted to kiss him, fucking really much. The urge was that strong, that after a while of their eye contact he took another chance. When he made a one-step forward Lucas, the younger body seemed to become more tense. Again- making him feel uncomfortable wasn't Eliott's goal, that is why seeing this, he just moved back. 

"Text me when you get home... I had a great time kiddo" Eliott sudden voice made Lucas breathe out with relief.

"Yeah... me too. Thanks for the dinner." He muttered with a smile, not breaking the eye contact they had. "So, see you... See you soon, yeah" Eliott wasn't sure if it was his imagination, or Lucas literally winked at him, before turning his back and walking away. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi diamonds,  
> Sorry you had to wait but I promise I will do better lmao  
> hope everyone is fine, safe and cozy during this time!  
> Enjoy and see you soon!

*** Lucas ***

Walking away Lucas smiled stupidly wide, feeling Eliott's gaze on his own back. He bit his lips, trying hard not to turn around, just to take a quick look at the older one more time. The pictures on tinder were insanely good, so naturally, Lucas didn't expect him to look so much more handsome in real life. Certainly, it wasn't something he wasn't happy about still, at the same time it made him feel a little scared and unsure. Imagining this meeting, leaving with the urge to plan another one- wasn't his original plan. Lucas wanted to stay there for a while, eat something good and leave so they could watch with Jean a movie after the other would come back from work. 

It didn't turn out the way it was supposed to, however, Lucas was glad. The evening was so incredible that he didn’t notice how fast time had flown. It was Jean’s message which brought him back to earth, making Lucas feel disoriented as well as confused with his own thoughts.

“Hey. How was your dinner with mum? Did her conference go well” Lucas heard the deep voice as soon as he had closed the door after entering the flat. 

He lied. Obviously, he lied to Eliott, because telling him the real reason for their first meeting was something he should have done, yet decided not to bring this out. Lying to Jean about his mother coming to the town for the conference wasn’t a good idea either. Especially since they both liked each other, so the lie couldn’t live for a long time. Every lie led to another one and soon after you could wake up in a deep hole full of your own shit. 

“Mhm. She killed it, as always anyway” He muttered with a smile, as he came into the kitchen just to see Jean in the kitchen’s apron cooking something. “It’s almost 11 pm, what are you doing?” Lucas laughed jumping on one of the counters next to his boyfriend, who smiled widely. 

“I was hungry so I’m making scrambled eggs. I am making more in case you want some” He answered walking closer to kiss Lucas’ cheek. 

The younger one smiled slightly seeing how excited the other one was. The guilty slowly started to eat him up. Jean was honest about his hookups. Indeed, hookups, and in that case, it wasn’t anything like that. It was a regular meeting, without doing anything sensual- just two guys eating pasta and laughing, ending up in some weird sexual tension while saying their goodbyes. 

Definitely, not something worth mentioning. 

“I am not hungry, but thanks babe” Lucas answered watching the older one carefully. 

He felt weird. It wasn’t caused by the lie, it was something totally different and Lucas couldn’t work it out. Seconds later he felt a buzz in his pocket, which made him take his phone out. Seeing the notification he smiled slightly.

**Old raccoon:** Did someone kill you? Or u still live and I have to do it myself?

 **Me:** Funny pops. I’m alive, all ready to be the pain in your ass.

 **Old raccoon** : tbh can’t wait for that 😉

Seeing the last message Lucas felt a drizzle coming through his body. 

“Who is it?” 

“Yann. He wants to meet tomorrow” Another lie. 

“Nice. Maybe we can go somewhere with him and Em. Cinema, pizza, whatever you would like” Jean suggested raising his eyebrows while taking the pan off the cooker.

After seconds of silence, the older one looked at Lucas, who seemed to be somewhere else with his thoughts. Hearing the man next to him clearing the throat, Lucas nodded immediately winking at him.

He chuckled jumping off the counter. “Great idea. Will text him later and now eat you fatty” 

“Asshole”

“Yeah, I hear it too often these days”

***

"Don't you have lectures or anything?" Eliott smirked seeing Lucas approaching his table. 

They had found their place, which was an old coffee shop near the west end of the town. It gave this vintage vibe which both of them loved and quickly decided to call it _theirs_ , especially since barely anyone was here. 

Lucas rolled his eyes sitting on the chair in front of Eliott. "Shut up"

They had been texting and meeting for the past two weeks while getting to know each other better and better. Lucas noticed that Eliott wasn't that quiet and calm as he seemed to be at first. His every attempt to make Lucas laugh was a success, mostly making Lucas choke on the drink or cake he was eating at that moment. Sometimes the younger one thought Eliott was reading in his mind, saying things he was thinking about or was about to say. 

"Did you order something?" Lucas asked taking off his jacket, hanging in on the back of his chair.

"Obviously. One latte caramel macchiato with extra cream, one hot chocolate with two pomps of gingerbread syrup, and two pieces of cheesecake with oreos" Eliott said proudly smiling at the other one. 

"Wow... you have learned. I am impressed that at this age you still manage to remember that well" he snickered making Eliott roll his eyes as always. 

"Not even surprised. So, how are you?"

"Good? I have some projects to do for university, so the next days will be a living hell and also I am going home for the weekend... the only good news so far..." Lucas sighed quietly taking a leaflet just to play with it, making his hands busy with something. "And you? I bet you have a much more interesting life"

"You would be surprised. In the dictionary, below boredom, is written Eliott Demaury" he chuckled making Lucas do the same. "And being serious, I am starting the job next week so I am trying to prepare myself the best I can. It seems to be a really good one, so I don't want to fuck this up -"

"Omg, you won't fuck this up. I have known you for a month or so now, and I already know you will destroy them" Lucas interrupted the older one smiling widely at him. 

Eliott was a perfectionist. He was always on time, he always fixed every fork and knife on the table making them lay in a perfectly straight line. Everything he did, he did on 100%, which Lucas admired a lot since he was a total opposite. 

Eliott expelled a heavy breath, letting a gentle smile spread on his face. "I hope so"

"And besides that? Any family meetings, parties?" Lucas asked and straighten up seeing how the waitress approached them with the orders. Both of them nodded, helping her with all the cups and plates. 

"I don't do family staff... and parties, well I am not a party guy. I am meeting with my friends this weekend and to be honest, I hoped you would come with me, but since you already have plans... next time?" Eliott asked with clear hope in his voice and especially eyes. 

Lucas tensed a little, which Eliott seemed to quickly notice. "It's okay if you don't want to... it was just a proposition" He added and send the younger a wide smile to assure him nothing had happened. 

"Maybe next time" Lucas answered taking a sip of his drink.

He knew how badly he fucked up by not saying Eliott about his situation, and he obviously reached the point where he had no idea what to do or how to fix things. The only positive thing was that he told Jean about meeting a new friend, still not going into any details. At first, he didn't see any reason to tell him even this small fact, since these were just meetings. After some of them, Lucas didn't feel right with calling them like that. It was obvious Eliott seemed to like him, just by the way he looked and talked to him, not mentioning occasional flirting via messages. He had to tell him... He just didn't know how. The fear of losing their relation was making Lucas go numb, as well as the fear of talking to Eliott about this. 

They spent in the coffee shop a few hours before leaving when the owner decided to close it earlier. Lucas had plenty of time, despite having homework which should be quickly done, he didn't want to go back since Jean worked till late evening tonight. Eliott agreed on being walked by him to his flat, which made the younger slightly relieved. After five or so minutes of talking about the new movie, they reached the destination, which appeared to be a quiet old building.

"Wow... you are really old fashioned, aren't you?" Lucas chuckled hiding his hands in the pockets of jeans. 

"It is not that far away from the center, silence, cheap... everything I need" Eliott shrugged looking at the place which truthfully looked as if it was about to collapse, yet still gave a nice vibe. 

Lucas nodded, clearing his throat. "Oki... thanks for today, it was really... awesome and -"

Lucas didn't have a chance to finish the sentence since his mouth was smashed by Eliott's. Being in shock Lucas didn't react anyhow standing still with his eyes wide open. Eliott immediately noticed something is wrong and stepped back, clearly panicking.

"I... I am sorry, really. I thought... yeah I don't really know what I have thought..." Hearing how stressed out Eliott was, Lucas looked up at him and smiled lightly. 

"Hey... you just surprised me... it is okay" he shrugged and soon after stood on tiptoes just to give the older one a gentle kiss on his cheek. 

It could be easily heard how the other one exhaled relieved. Eliott took a step closer, putting his hands on Lucas' waist looking directly into his eyes. He wasn't dumb, he knew perfectly where it was going, and he perfectly knew how bad it is. 

"Stop" Lucas gasped before he could feel those lips again. "I... I have to tell you something" 

Eliott frowned a little, still being close to Lucas. 

"It can wait -" Eliott whispered, putting one of his hands on Lucas' cheek, gently stroking his skin.

"I would rather not" Lucas mumbled not looking into the other's eyes. 

He knew how bad it could turn out. Eliott sighed and straighten up, making a little more space between them. 

"Okay... tell me now, so I can kiss you already".

Impatience. Everyone could hear it and even feel it in the air. Lucas was about to say something when he heard a voice calling Eliott from above them. They looked up and as soon as they did, Lucas saw an old lady looking out of the window.

"Eliott! Take him up here! He looks cute!" She shouted which made Lucas giggle.

The brunet sighed taking his hands away from Lucas. "Close window! It's cold outside!"

"Did you buy milk?" 

"Jesus Christ" Eliott sighed more to himself, rubbing his eyes. "I didn't! I will buy it now! Close the window!" he shouted back, seconds later watching as an old lady disappeared behind a frame.

"Lovely... You didn't mention you live with your grandma" Lucas said watching with a satisfied smile as Eliott's cheeks are becoming reddish. 

"It's not my grandma... I just rent here" He explained a little awkwardly, which made him look even cuter. 

"She seems to be cool" He assured with a tender smile. Lucas didn't know why Eliott acted as if it was something bad, that is why he wanted to show him anyhow that he didn't find it weird. 

"That's true... anyway you wanted to say something, but can it wait? If I don't buy milk, I am sure she will go by herself and it's literally getting fucking cold outside." Eliott explained with laughter, watching the younger one more carefully, which made Lucas just stress again at the thought of telling him.

"Yeah... sure. Go get that milk prince charming" He chuckled, laughing louder as he saw Eliott rolling his eyes. 

"See you soon Lucie" At the sound of his new nickname Lucas felt a drizzle flooding his body, and saying he didn't like that would be a lie. He didn't have time to say anything before Eliott gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and started walking away, still facing Lucas.

"See you and watch where you are going idiot" The younger said louder enough for Eliott to hear him, trying his best not to laugh at this sight. 

He wanted to tell him... he really did. 

***

The weekend came faster than it actually should have. Lucas managed to finish all the project he was supposed to do even if half of it was in his meaning a pure shit, Jean still assured him that it is not bad. 

What irritated Lucas about his boyfriend was the honesty about things like this. He knew that he could gain 10kgs, look awful, and still Jean would say he looked like a size 36. They talked about things like this many times, yet that was the way he was and nothing could change that. Obviously changing him, wasn't Lucas's intention. There were sitting in the car, driving to Lucas's hometown for Mike's birthday party. 

"Who are you texting to?" Jean asked staying focused on driving, while he still could see with a corner of his eyes that Lucas was writing something on his phone.

"Hm?"

"I asked who were you texting to" Jean sighed turning the volume of the radio down so they could hear each other better.

"Oh, sorry... Yann and Emma are inviting us on Wednesday, what should I reply?" Lucas looked up at the older one waiting for the answer. 

"Hm... I work till 5 pm, so I don't really think I want to..." Jean answered causing this time Lucas to sigh.

"Okay... no problem, I will go have fun for the two of us" he laughed writing back to his friend about him going for sure. Even though he didn't look at Jean, he perfectly knew how he would react to that, as well as he knew what he would say in a few seconds. 

"I thought we could do something together. I would buy sushi, Netflix, and chill" Jean said with a smile putting his hand on Lucas' lap. The younger one looked at it thinking about an answer. 

"I think I will just go-"

"Lucas... you can meet with him in the morning and later spend the evening with me. Just reschedule it"

"Because? It will be the third time I'm coming back to an empty flat and you won't even once change your plans?"

"First of all when I am not at university I sit at home all alone, literally all the time. I am 20, I won't sit on my ass all the time... Second of all, I can't change that, Yann has a job too, which isn't that tiring to find some time to do something" Lucas said quietly moving his legs, making Jean take his hands off.

"What was that supposed to mean? You act as if I was doing nothing when I am working and making money for food and other staff" He said and it could be clearly heard he was starting to be a little frustrated while glancing at the younger one, who just shrugged.

"Nothing, nevermind" Lucas mumbled, looking back at his phone to see another notification. This time it wasn't Yann.

 **Old raccoon:** hey, I've just read the essay you had sent me earlier

 **Old raccoon:** how honest should I be?

Lucas smiled slightly seeing the message. He sent one of his English essays to Eliott, but he didn't even think he would read it.

**Me** : 100%

 **Old raccoon:** its trash

 **Old raccoon:** like an actual trash 

**Me** : ?? how

 **Old raccoon:** did someone read it?

 **Me** : em, yes??

 **Old raccoon:** so apparently they didn't pay any attention 

**Old raccoon:** mistakes, grammar, so sentences just don't make sense

 **Old raccoon:** lucie, do you need a tutor? 😏

 **Me** : shut up 🙄

 **Me** : is this that bad?

 **Old raccoon:** not THAT bad, but better write it again

 **Me** : whatever then, I'm coming home, won't have time for it 

**Me** : nevermind

 **Me** : thank you tho and sorry you wasted your time

 **Old raccoon:** omg, dw. it was actually really interesting, just the mistakes

 **Old raccoon:** give me two hours, I will do it

 **Me** : what?!

 **Me** : no way

 **Old raccoon:** it wasn't a question. i was bored anyway and the essay is v good, it deserves a good grade

 **Old raccoon:** you deserve it

 **Me** : you are an angle, did you know?

 **Old raccoon:** duh. have fun kid

The brunet smiled slightly looking at the phone, blocking it soon after. He looked back at Jean frowning a little.

"So... how did you like my essays?" 

"I told you... they were great" Jean answered without any more enthusiasm. Lucas rolled his eyes looking at the views they were passing.

"Sure..."

"What is your problem Lucas? for real" Jean gasped, making Lucas chuckled quietly.

"I don't have any problem Jean. You have it"

"Excuse me? And where do I have this problem?" He chuckled glancing from time to time at his boyfriend.

"Whatever" Lucas mumbled hiding both hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

"Jesus are you on your man's period or what? You literally don't make any sense right now Lu"

"Man's period, fuck, are you being serious?" Lucas gasped straightening up in his chair. "Jean what the -"

"Sorry! Okay? I'm sorry, I didn't want to say it, I'm sorry" the older interrupted Lucas as quickly as he could.

"You wanted to say it, so you did, don't play an idiot" Lucas sighed slightly shaking his head in disbelief. The other just exhaled looking at the street in front of them. Lucas hated it. What always has been irritating him since the start of his relationship with Jean were people with this dumb and fucked up question "who is the woman?". He hated it so much and Jean was aware of it, so he clearly knew how Lucas would react to this comment. That fact didn't make Lucas less angry, however, more disappointed would be a better word. 

The drive wasn't that bad, since they had spent it in the silence. Being finally at home, was much worse, especially the part when both of them in one second started acting as nothing had happened. Lucas maybe was a part of the theatre in high school, but without a script, around his closest, he wasn't a good actor. One of the advantages was the whole party, which took the majority of the time for everyone at home. Having ten wild kids in one room, was something above normal and definitely above Lucas' patience, that is why he ended up outside after a few hours, which was, while others were bothered by the play station. After a while, he heard the doors being opened. He could easily say who it was without bothering to turn around. He was right, and he could state it as soon as the person spoke.

"You okay?" Jean asked sitting on the bench on the porch next to Lucas who was drinking his beer.

"Yeah... better at least" he chuckled showing the other one his beer. Jean laughed quietly, but after that, he cleared his throat and looked at the younger one.

"I am really sorry... I-"

"It is okay. I don't really want to talk about aby of it here" Lucas said looking directly at the older who just nodded understandingly.

"Oh, here you are boys. Good choice... I escaped too. Adam will survive I think" they both turned around to see Lucas' mother closing the doors behind her. She traditionally squished between them, hugging Lucas to her side after kissing his temple.

"So... how is your big world? Jean I hope you take good care of my baby" she said smiling widely at the older boy, who nodded straight away.

"I am trying my best ma' dam" He smiled smiling at the sight of these two together.

"It is soo good to have you here boys. I have missed you so much" she sighed putting her hand on Jean's lap glancing once at him and later at her son.

"It hasn't been that long" Jean chuckled, which made Lucas realize what is going to happen next.

"I haven't seen you guys in ages, what are you talking about sweetie" she laughed pretending to be mad at Jean, gently squishing his knee.

"I mean... You two saw each other not that long ago" he spoke after a moment looking directly at Lucas who escaped with his sight at his beer.

"I wish. A month without this brat is always like a year" she laughed fixing Lucas' hair as she always used to do. She hated it when he had them disheveled like that.

"Oh... right. It has been a whole month. I forgot" Jean said with a slight smile, yet Lucas knew he was fucked.

Lucas tried his best not to stay with Jean alone during the party, yet it was clear that the other man didn't want to talk either. The moment the party was over, everything was cleaned and everyone was out to their bedrooms, Lucas found himself sitting on the bed, while Jean was searching for his pajamas in the suitcase.

"You won't even ask?" Lucas asked after debating with himself in his head whether he shout speak first or wait for his boyfriend to start.

"Is there anything to ask about? You lied and I think I know why" He shrugged not bothering to look at Lucas which made him a little disappointed.

"So you don't care?" Lucas asked again frowning and hoping to hear something which would make him feel a little better. The older one sighed and turned around to look at the brunet. Jean put the clothes at the desk and sat next to Lucas.

"Lu... We agreed on something. You do what you do. Just don't lie and that's it. I tell you when and where I am going... I expect the same" he spoke looking at Lucas carefully. The other one sighed and shrugged, he could say that he hadn't hooked up, he could tell the truth. It seemed pointless to him, that is why he just nodded and smiled at the older man, who soon stood up and went to the bathroom. Lucas sighed loudly and lied down on the bed. As soon as he lied down, the sound of the notification could be heard. Brunet took out his phone and smiled seeing the message.

**Old raccoon sent an attachment**

**Old raccoon:** sweet dreams cutie

 **Me** : good night 

After a moment of hesitation, he bit his lower lip and sent another message

 **Me** : ❤️


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii diamonds,  
> welcome back and hope you will enjoy the chapter  
> see you soon~

*** Eliott ***

It has been one week since he last saw Lucas, before his leaving to the hometown. Obviously, they still messaged each other whenever they both could, which worked out- for now. He missed him, even if it seemed a little pathetic to say since they literally had met a little more than a month ago. Deep down Eliott had a feeling as if he had known Lucas for his whole life, hoping it was mutual. It all seemed to fit in its own place, making Eliott question if everything for sure wasn't about to fuck up. Too perfect.

He didn't remember the last time he slept so well. At some point, it started to make him scared that he was addicted, somehow, to Lucas. Despite the fear, it felt right and as long as Eliott was able to sleep the whole night, he didn't plan on changing anything. 

In the past, he didn't sleep at all or had the same, exhausting dream, which made him feel even more tired in the morning than after a sleepless night. 

_ „Did you have any dreams recently?” Jocelyn asked while taking off her shoes just to sit more comfortably in the chair. Eliott ignored this action, his eyes drifting away from her feet, being used to this kind of behavior. It was her office and she could do whatever she wanted- even Eliott could do that too, yet he preferred not to. Brunet shrugged observing the view outside the window next to him. _

_ ”Kinda, it's hard to describe... You know. Still the same” _

_ ”Can you at least try to describe it?” _

_ Silence. _

_ ”It's like... Like I am a bowling. It's dark and I don't even know if I'm an object or something else, but it just makes more sense... I can hear the ball coming. But at the same time, it's getting louder as if someone was shouting at me. My heart is beating faster... I'm waiting for the ball... Or whatever to come at me. As if it's my place to be, either way” he muttered slowly none stop watching the outside life. _

_ ”You said that someone was shouting. You didn't mention it earlier-” _

_ ”Because then no one was shouting” he filled in jerking his shoulders off. _

_ ”Was it your father?” _

_ Eliott's attention immediately was focused on the woman still, not saying a word. _

_ ”No. I don't know who it was... It was just someone”  _

_ Silence. _

_ ”Did he shout at you?”  _

_ Eliott was more than sure that they were no longer talking about a dream. _

_ ”He was a parent and I wasn't an angel so it's obvious-” _

_ ”He is” _

_ Silence. _

_ ”What is your first memory of you being with him?” _

_ ”What is this about Joyce?” _

_ ”The first thing that came up to your head Eliott” _

_ He exhaled loudly, straightening up in his seat.  _

_ ”He worked till late so when I was home alone I did a dinner for us, drew him a painting. He came home, said he had worked hard, went to the bedroom, and fell asleep” The brunet sighed and shrugged as if he was not being affected by what he had just said. _

_ ”Did you do it often?” _

_ ”Did what? Being a responsible child?” _

_ ”Did you often try to bring his attention to you?” _

_ ”I didn't do that-” _

_ ”When you're hungry what do you do?” _

_ ”I eat?” _

_ ”You ask for food or you just eat?” _

_ ”I just eat.. but what is the po?” _

_ ”If you are not hungry, do you ask for food?” _

_ ”No” _

_ ”That is how it works. If you are provided with something, and you don't feel the absence of something, you just don't ask for it. You wanted him to give you the attention you had been asking for. You gave love and you expected to get it back”  _

_ Eliott stayed silent for a few minutes analyzing what had been just said. "Sometimes we do things without thinking about any potential meaning behind certain actions... but after further analyzing, every word, every move has its own reason. Nothing is left without explanation" She added after a while. _

_ ”Was it after or before-” _

_ Silence. _

_ ”After... Can we just end here?” _

After. For most of Eliott's life, he had been dividing everything into "before" and "after". It took him a lot of time -years- to stop doing that, which was the hardest thing he had done in his life. Eliott always wondered if it wasn't Jocelyn, would he ever feel better or ready for what he had to go through? 

***

_ "So how was it?" _

_ "I think you don't even need to ask me that" Eliott answered right after, looking at Joceline as if he was asking her not to ask more questions. _

_ "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to"  _

_ Jocelyn's voice was soft and gentle. It was something, which had always made Eliott feel better, the thought or freedom, not being forced to anything. _

_ "It's not... I want to talk about it. Just... I don't really know how to start" _

_ "From the beginning. You came back home and-" _

***

_ Just standing outside the house made Eliott sick. As soon as left the train station, the feeling of regret flooded his body, not leaving even the slightest space dry. He knew there was no chance for him to walk inside. There was never a turning back. Without any exceptions.  _

_ "Can I help you?"  _

_ The deep voice from behind made Eliott jump in place. Looking through his arm, the brunet saw a middle-aged man with a little kid, who was hiding behind his legs.  _

_ "Oh... sorry. No, I was just walking by" he answered sending them both the warmest smile he could afford. "Actually, I used to live here... years ago"  _

_ The men smiled grabbing the kid's hand in his. _

_ "Great house. It needed a renovation, but I think we did good" man laughed looking at the house. _

_ Eliott followed his gaze and smiled right after, nodding as a confirmation.  _

_ "Yes... it looks great" Eliott spoke quietly.  _

_ He wasn't looking at this the same way as the man. Looking at the front yard, he saw a little boy running away from the lady who was holding the watering can.  _

_ He smiled at this image, just to come back to reality when the man passed him. Without making the whole situation even weirder, Eliott walked away, looking back one more time.  _

_ He stayed at his friend's house, which made him absolutely grateful since it wasn't something expected at all. It took him one day to gather his thoughts and some kind of courage to take that step _ .  _ Before he managed to change his mind, he found himself standing in front of the nursing home in the suburbs.  _

_ "Demaury" the unsure voice was barely heard through the noise of nurses and wandering patients.  _

_ The lady, whose identity card suggested her name was Julie, looked up at him, slightly surprised after hearing the name. Eliott just stared at her with a bare face, possibly making it obvious that he wasn't feeling good about being here.  _

_ "I thought I would never see anyone" she said smiling, which Eliott found a little stressing rather than calming.  _

_ She put the paper and a pen in front of him, showing where he should write the signature. After he did that, Eliott passed the paper back to her, waiting for any further instructions.  _

_ "Room 503, the third floor. On the left side of the corridor, the fifth doors" Without paying any attention to the conversation, he turned around, and even if the elevator was right next to his side, the staircase seemed a better option.  _

_ During the whole process of healing, as he liked to call it, Eliott found a way to deal with the stress of any anxiety- physical effort. That was the reason behind his new  _ **_ body _ ** _ , which as a consequence made him proud, especially seeing how people started to glance at him, passing by.  _

_ The third floor came definitely too fast in his estimation. Being surrounded by so many people, caused the feeling of nausea to hit with a stronger strength.  _

_ 499, 501, 503... _

_ "Now or never" he thought grabbing the door-handle.  _

_ Without spending any more time thinking, the brunet pressed it, unsurely entering the room. What hit him first was the smell, which immediately brought his whole childhood back- the spiced cologne. After closing the doors, Eliott started to look around, noticing straight away how clean the whole chamber was.  _

_ Just then... _

_ There he was, sitting in the rocking chair in front of the window. It seemed awkward and it was still the most delicate word to describe that.  _

_ "Dad?" Eliott asked after a while of not earing even a word, which wasn't a big surprise to him since he knew exactly what to expect.  _

_ Still, no answer.  _

_ The brunet cleared his throat, taking a few steps forward, just to sit on the edge of the bed, right next to the chair. The moment, Eliott took the seat, the men turned his head slowly, looking directly at him.  _

_ "This seat is taken" the voice was something totally different from what he had remembered.  _

_ "Oh... sorry" the brunet seemed confused, being sure that in that case, he was not alone in the room.  _

_ Maybe someone was in the bathroom or went out to bring something. He stood up and places himself right behind the man, playing nervously with his fingers. Standing there, Eliott didn't really know what to say, or how to act. The truth was, he expected his father to be mad at him for not seeing him for so long, or for any other reason, which particularly wouldn't make any sense.  _

_ "I am waiting for my son. He will come today"  _

_ Hearing this Eliott could feel his stomach tightening up more and more. He should have known.  _

_ "Em... it is me. I am here dad" for the second time, Eliott took a seat on the bed looking at the men in front of him.  _

_ The moment their eyes met, the brunet felt a cold shiver coming through his whole body.  _

_ "Hi" this time Eliott's voice was more confident, which was surprising even for him. Seeing his father like this was a weird experience and something totally different from the past. Pity, satisfaction, compassion, and for the first time Eliott couldn't find any anger in his thoughts.  _

_ "Eliott. Oh, right. My dear... of course it is you" he laughed quietly sitting more comfortably in the chair, making it swing a little. "How are you? How is school? Did you win this competition?" the man asked looking again at the trees outside.  _

_ Eliott frowned trying his best to find in this memory anything connected with any competition.  _

_ 11th grade. Music classes...  _

_ "I won. And I am okay" he said, watching carefully every move the man made.  _

_ A smile started to appear on his face soon after turning into laughter.  _

_ "Of course. You sang so well" he sighed after a second, swinging slowly in the chair.  _

_ Eliott nodded not being sure what to say next. In his head, he created many things he wanted to say, but when the right moment came, he wasn't able to collect his thoughts.  _

_ "My son used to sing too, you know?" the man broke the silence after a minute looking back at Eliott. _

_ The brunet saw that. His father's eyes were drowning in sadness. Even if it might seem hard to notice, for Eliott it wasn't- at all. Mostly because he has never seen it. _

_ It was uncomfortable. It was sad. It was exhausting.  _

_ "I need to get the fuck out of here" it was his first thought right before the men decided to speak and leave Eliott speechless.  _

_ The voice, the sight, some true emotions which could be seen, wasn't something Eliott was familiar with considering his parent. It made him curious enough to stay.  _

_ Eliott bit his lower lip, debating whether it was a game he wanted to start. "And where is he now?"  _

_ Although it was a scary game, the urge to play it, was much stronger. _

_ "Oh... he lives in New York. He got his degree and he works in a bank. His mother would be so proud"  _

_ An impulse of anger hit Eliott, making him tighten his fists. _

_ "Probably" he answered quietly looking at his hands.  _

_ At the same time, the thought of his father actually knowing anything about his life made the anger slowly disappear.  _

_ A snore.  _

_ Eliott looked up and sighed seeing how the man was breathing slowly and smoothly.  _

_ "Suure" he mumbled to himself.  _

_ After waiting for a couple of seconds, he stood up just to start walking around the room. It was surprisingly clean, and to be honest too clean. Making sure the man was still sleeping, Eliott opened his closet looking through all the clothes- only checked shirts and black trousers. A typical wardrobe of 70 years old man, some would say, but Eliott knew it has been his style since forever. He closed the doors quietly, making sure not to wake him up, changing his direction to the bed, located in the middle of the chamber. At the stand near the bed, Eliott found something which was not expected at all. After walking closer, he took one of the frames with a photo presenting a young couple outside the new house with the sign "sold".  _

_ "Right" He chuckled ironically, putting it away. _

_ Unsurely Eliott grabbed the second one, gently touching the picture with his fingers. The same couple, just many years later, with a little boy standing between them with a grin and a toy in his hands. _

_ "You've got to be kidding me" he whispered feeling his heart beating faster and faster.  _

_ "Eliott" the voice made the brunet turn his head right to meet the man's eyes. "You came. That's wonderful!-" _

_ "What the fuck is that?" Eliott asked showing him a picture. _

_ "This is us... I missed you, my-" _

_ "Don't bullshit me. There is no us. There was never us... Since" Eliott stopped looking directly at his father. "You fucked up! You have fucked me up so bad. You have fucked up her. Everything. I hated you so much, I still do" he said harshly feeling as every emotion is escaping his body. At first, he didn't want to bring this conversation up. He felt bad for him and making it worse with his shouting, wasn't something he wanted to do, but seeing all of this... He didn't even care anymore. _

_ "Eliott... I"  _

_ At first, he was surprised that the man still remembered who he was talking to at this point, but it didn't make any difference for the brunet.  _

_ "Don't... just don't. For four years I have been trying to fix the mess you had made and I came here just to tell you that, right in the face. I have always dreamt that you died instead of her, every fucking night" he hissed through his teeth. Men's expression changed the moment Eliott had finished his sentence. It softened.  _

_ The silence was unendurable.  _

_ "Whatever. That's all" Eliott chuckled putting the picture back on the nightstand.  _

_ "Wait, please don't leave me"  _

_ He wasn't sure if he heard exactly that, or his mind was fucking with him. Before he reached the handle, the brunet turned to face him again. _

_ "I will, just like you did when we needed you... The only difference... you will die alone".  _

_ *** _

_ "How did you feel?" Joceline asked after a while of silence. _

_ "Like a fucking king" he said playing with his fingers, watching them carefully. "For a while... later I felt horrible, cuz... I don't want to be like him" a whisper left his lips, which he soon after a bit to the blood.  _

_ "Don't hold it back"  _

_ A quiet sniff.  _

_ "It's just... He didn't look like he... you know?" he whispered looking at his own hands, avoiding any eye contact with Jolceline.  _

_ "So like who?"  _

_ Silence. _

_ "Like me... back then"  _

_ "And what did you wanted to do? Do the younger you" she asked, moving the tissues closer to the brunet.  _

_ "Hug him... I guess" he shrugged sniffing. _

_ "Then do this, next time... whenever you will be ready. You have done so much Eliott, I am really proud, you know?" _

_ "I did nothing. I just fucking felt him there and-" _

_ "Who pays for the nursing home?" _

_ Silence. _

_ "Eliott you do a lot. Much more than anyone else would do. The anger blocked out everything else, but you had already let it go. You are way too harsh on yourself. We both know it's the only thing holding you back" her calm and smooth voice has always made Eliott peaceful, which worked out this time as well. "Don't push yourself tho, remember that"  _

_ "I know... I know that" he whispered after a while grabbing one tissue to wipe his wet cheeks. _

_ *** _

_ That was not something, he would ever think of doing.  _

_ The thing is- everything changes.  _

_ "Change isn't always bad or always good. Don't be scared" Even though Eliott heard that years ago, Joceline's voice still could be heard every time the situation seemed to fit into the scheme.  _

_ Standing in front of the nursing home, the brunet looked at the Chinese food in his hands. A Heavy sighed was thrown into the space making his body relax a little bit.  _

_ "Fuck this" he said to himself making his way inside.  _

_ The scheme was the same, just this time Julie smiled wider seeing Eliott enter the building.  _

_ "Marc was asking about you" she said right when he came closer to the reception.  _

_ Being nervous, a smile was all he could afford for that moment. A quick signature, a little piece of information about the patient's condition, and that was all. At least that was what he thought.  _

_ "Please wait"  _

_ Eliott stopped himself, watching as the young lady walked to the nearest cabinet and opened it, searching for something. "Here... We couldn't really find your address" She said while putting the pile of closed letters with his name on it. "He wrote that before it got worse"  _

_ "Oh... thank you" he said unsurely taking them from the desk.  _

_ It was literally everything he could think of.  _ **_ Oh _ ** _. _

_ There were so many of them...  _

_ "So... I'm going" he said with a smile, although he wasn't aware of it.  _

_ "See you soon Mr. Demaury"  _

_ *** _

It turned out, as always, that Joceline was right. It was the only thing that held him still back, making his life even more complicated. Even though Eliott thought, he had already done the hardest thing during the therapy, facing his father changed his mind right away. Especially letters. The truth was, he had read two of them, leaving the rest closed till now. 

It was beyond anything he had expected, still making the whole experience worth it. The moment he confronted his past face to face, was the moment when the dream became just a memory, as well as many of his anxieties. 

Obviously, the relation with his father wasn't perfect, yet it was much better to the point where he visited him from time to time. It made him feel a little bit better and more peaceful for sure. 

The thing which made him worried, or more precisely stressed, was the new job. Leaving on his own, Eliott had many jobs, more or less serious ones, yet none of them brought him satisfaction or any kind of pleasure. Previously he worked at the bank, which was meant to be temporary, but a few months turned into a year and a half. In the end, he gave up, since working there just made him sick. Every time he walked into the building the feeling of nauseousness was coming back, as a perfect sign that it wasn't his place. Of course, money was great, but what was the point of earning so much if the possibility of spending that money on therapy later was just ridiculously high. 

He hadn't visited Joceline in more than a year and it felt more than great. The truth was Eliott missed their meetings- just the thought of their long talks and him being listened to. 

Once he decided to count how much money he had spent on Joceline, but after summing up one year, there was no sense in continuing further. In the end, money didn't matter, his sanity was what has always mattered. Yes, possibly he had let her earn thousands, yet Eliott didn't regret any dollar. 

For the first time, since he has been able to remember he was alive and he was alive in this universe. Was it his universe? He didn't give a fuck about that. 

As long as he could see Lucas, he could live in any universe. Eliott felt like a teenager, which was now the reason for his friend to tease him about it. A week was definitely too long for him, however, he didn't feel okay with messaging Lucas that often, since obviously, he was busy. On the other hand, Eliott had no idea if the feeling was mutual, so acting like a psycho fan or a stalker was not an option. In any universe. 

The brunet was trying his best to focus on his internship which was about to start pretty soon. It was incredibly hard since every notification made his heart stop, forcing Eliott to check who texted him. A high hope every time changed into a high disappointment since none of those messages was from Lucas. For now.

**Lucas:** __ Anything interesting?

** Me: ** Deadly bored. How was home?

** Lucas: __ ** Not great, not bad

** Lucas: ** any plans for the week?

** Me:  ** no

** Me: ** you?

** Lucas: ** depends on you tbh. cafe? 

** Me:  ** cafe

Time flew really fast, but it was something Eliott hoped for, especially since he was set up with Lucas. On Monday it was his first day at work, which made his thought a little occupied by something else than those big, blue eyes. He was nervous, yet still excited knowing it was something made for him. Being a lecturer. 

After entering the campus, he felt different from what he had experienced while being a student himself. Now it was his job to ask questions, require some knowledge, make people stress at the thought of the subject. Obviously, the last thing was far away from what he planned on doing, still having it as an option made him a lot calmer. 

Walking into the auditorium never has felt that good, as well as sitting in the first row for the first time in his entire life. What brought him back to earth, was the professor's voice, which was hard not to hear. 

"Either way, Eliott the stage is yours..." almost immediately a smile appeared on his face, as he was standing up to welcome the students. 

He used to be scared of changes. Now he was excited for a single one of them. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi diamonds,  
> i fucked up again, i know. hope you'll forgive me :c  
> as always- hope you'll like it and see you soon- hopefully!!

*** Lucas ***

„Dude I thought you would be late” Sander whispered the moment Lucas took a seat next to him, as he had always done during the contemporary compositional techniques. 

Lucas rolled his eyes being annoyed ”It was close to that. You could have said that segment b is being renovated and it's closed” he hissed. 

Sander rolled his eyes looking back at the professor who just came in, right after Lucas.

„If you didn't skip two days, you would know it yourself. That's what you get for going on random hookups”

„They are not hookups asshole, and definitely not random” Lucas corrected his friend giving him the most serious look he possibly could.

„Yeah. Whatever you say” Sander chuckled not minding Lucas who still tried to kill him with his gaze. 

Being left without any answer Lucas unpacked his staff, at least trying to pay some attention to what the oldish man was saying.

"Welcome all of you. As I warned you for the rest of the semester I won't be alone. The lectures will be carried on by one of my new coworkers every other meeting. Today will be his first day, so don't be too harsh on him and just pretend to have any knowledge- don't bring any shame on me... Either way, Eliott the stage is yours" 

Lucas choked on the air, seeing who just stood up from the first row and turned to greet everyone. He quickly hid behind the guy in front of him, slumping into the chair. 

"Oh fuck me" the whisper quickly brought Sander's attention.

"What now?" he sighed simply unimpressed.

"It's him. This is Eliott"

"THIS is Eliott?" Sander snickered straightening up a little just to have a proper look at the man. "Oh... nothing weird you ditch lectures for him. Just wow... having an affair with the new lecturer? What a piece of a badass you are" he chuckled wiggling his eyebrows at Lucas who quickly shut him down by kicking his leg under the table. 

"Shut the fuck up... Is he looking this way?" Lucas asked seemingly stressed, leaning forward, picking from above the shoulder of the guy who was his shelter at that moment.

"Dude. It's more than 300 people in here, he won't even notice you" Sander rolled his eyes looking skeptically at his friend. "This semester will be hilarious. I already love it here" 

"It's an actual disaster...-"

"Why? You are with Jean, either way... just find someone different to hook up with. Not a big deal... Anyway did you tell him about Eliott?"

"Yeah... Not directly about Eliott, but I mention meeting someone... kind of" Lucas whispered trying not to bring any attention to them. 

What he forgot was the fact that he was the one who made an effort to hide, not Sander. 

"I'm sorry. You. Yes, the guy in white hair and jacket... Am I interrupting you and your friend?" 

Lucas whined, sinking into the chair, even more, hearing that deep voice, which he perfectly knew. With the corner of his eyes, he saw how Sander's body tensed. His friend cleaned the throat drifting his full attention back at Eliott.

"I'm sorry... I wanted to borrow a pen. I will be deadly silent for now on" He answered right away, sending Eliott a slight smile. 

"Right... So let's get back to the terminology according to

Schaeffer's typology. Anyone?" Eliott turned around again just to hear out a girl who volunteered. 

"You didn't mention you have daddy issues" Sander laughed silently glancing at Lucas whose face was resembling a beetroot.

"Fuck off... I need to change the group" 

"You can't you idiot. It's a compulsory subject and the other group has a much worse exam at the end of the period. Don't be such a drama mama. Nobody knows" 

He knew that, yet it didn't make things better. Eliott was his new lecturer, which meant a few things. 

1\. problems;

2\. more problems.

"That would be enough for today... see you next week. Wait! Read chapter 5, pages from 101 to 173" 

Everyone started to gather their things, which was the best occasion for Lucas to leave. Smoothly he left his seat just to leave the auditorium, not minding Sander who still was sitting in their spot. 

"And you. Yes, you with white hair again... come here for a second. Where is your friend?" Eliott added pointing a finger at Sander, who sighed heavily looking benignly at the brunet. "Don't look at me like that and come here" The older one laughed gathering his papers himself.

Lucas knew Sander would kill him later, yet not thinking about it, he left the auditorium as fast as it was possible. In one moment he felt as if someone poured a bowl of hot water at him. As his life couldn't get more complicated, the shit had just slipped out. 

Knowing that Eliott would spend most of his days in building A, Lucas knew all he had to do was staying away from it. 

After making sure he was far enough, Lucas leaned on the wall feeling his phone buzzed in the pocket. He expelled a heavy sigh, rubbing eyes with his hands, trying to calm himself down. With hesitation, he pulled the mobile out of the pocket and chuckled seeing the message.

** Sander: ** u little piece of shit

** Sander:  ** you own me some pizza, that's for sure

** Sander: ** i have to write a short essay for his next lecturers :)) 

** Sander: ** in case you didn't get it- you have to write it.

Another buzz made his smile widen, as soon as he saw the pop-up notification with the name on it.

** Eliott: ** know you are probably busy, but it's my first day and I am stressing out

** Eliott: ** for now it's good is?? i feel pathetic lmao

** Me: ** You will do great, I'm sure. trust me

** Eliott: ** i do

And the truth was, Lucas knew it was a bad thing to do. 

Staying away from Eliott was hard, but meeting with him on Wednesday was much, much harder. What Lucas knew for sure, was the fact that they couldn't meet, even if he really wanted to. Not only was it a bad idea, but thanks to Eliott he had to sacrifice his evening to write an essay. Obviously, the essay was just an excuse for Lucas to avoid the whole meeting, yet he didn't want to admit it. Even though his thoughts should be focused on the subject, there were occupied with everything else. His boyfriend, Eliott. Lucas had never been more confused and lost in his life than at that moment. 

Hearing the vibration, he expelled a heavy sighed taking a quick pick at his phone, which was lying on the desk next to him. It was nothing unexpected since Lucas was sure the question would appear as soon as he canceled their meeting. 

_ Of course. _

** Eliott:  ** you sure, you can't make it?

** Me: ** Sorry, no chance

** Eliott:  ** Thursday then??

** Me:  ** for sure

** Eliott: ** great!!

He wasn't sure. At all.

Firstly, he had no idea what he wanted. Secondly ending his relationship made him sick to the point, Lucas didn't want to think about it even for a second. Thirdly it was scary. 

Meeting Eliott, being caught by anyone who knew them from campus. Obviously, he wasn't scared for himself, it was Eliott who could lose his job or get into any trouble. Lucas didn't know how much trouble the brunet could get into, by having any relations with a student. What made him both sad and relieved was the fact that this relation wasn't erotic. They had barely kissed. The only bad evidence could be their messages, which sometimes were pretty direct. 

Last but not least- Jean. Lucas was in a relationship, about which Eliott had no idea. 

For weeks Lucas had been thinking about it almost all the time, analyzing every move and word Jean spoke to him. After more than a week, he couldn't really remember the last moment he had stopped and admired his boyfriend. Fights, slamming the doors, apologizing, these were the most recent memories he had. Not mentioning their sex life, because, simply, there was nothing to mention. At some point, during debating about his relationship, Lucas was annoyed even without any particular reason. The moment Jean stepped into the flat, was the moment Lucas started to be mean and annoyed justifying it with the stress about the university. The fact that Jean started trying even harder to be a better boyfriend, made the whole situation even worse- a paradox. 

Walking out of the market Lucas didn't expect to see Eliott at all. Even if they saw each other maybe five or six times, he knew his appearance by heart. Even a quick glance between the shelves at the store was enough for him. Meeting him right now was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Lucas quickly changed the direction beginning to walk faster just to quickly leave the market without unnecessary meeting. At least he tried.

He has never been the most coordinated guy in the bord not mentioning being discrete with his presence. 

"Lucas! Hi"  __

_ Fucking hell  _ the first __ thought came as soon as he heard that voice. 

_ Great.  _ Nothing he couldn't predict. 

Holding already opened doors Lucas slowly turned around and smiled slightly seeing Eliott right in front of him, looking fucking perfect in his black turtleneck. As soon as their eyes met, the shorter one frowned, trying to look as surprised as Eliott was.

He smiled right after, clearing his throat "Oh, hi" 

"If I knew, you shop here, I would come here more often. Maybe then, you would actually have time to meet with me" Eliott chuckled walking a little closer, standing in doors next to Lucas. 

Even if he laughed, Lucas knew he was pretty serious, and it was an actual question, waiting to be answered.

"You know it isn't like that" Lucas sighed rolling his eyes. 

"It is okay Lu... I get it, I guess. Maybe now you want to go for lunch?" Eliott asked and it was impossible not to notice clear hope growing in his eyes as he was staring at the other one. 

"Fuck... I can't right now, for real... and-" he said but there was no chance for him to say anything more.

"Luc!" 

They both turned around just to see a car in the parking lot with a window down. 

Jean. Lucas took a step back clearing his throat. 

"U coming?" he shouted again frowning.

Lucas's attention drifted back at Eliott who was seemingly confused by the whole situation. 

"I have to go... Will text you later, okay?" Lucas asked softly, begging with his eyes for him not to ask any questions.

Eliott nodded, clearly not happy with how things turned out. The tension between them was insane, especially when Lucas, despite the fact that he was supposed to leave, was still standing near Eliott.

After a while, he finally huffed "Okay, bye" 

Without waiting for any response, he started walking to the car, quickly jumping in, after opening the doors. 

"Who is that?" Jean asked the moment Lucas closed the door behind him.

"Nobody... just drive" Lucas said forcing a smile while fasting his seatbelts. 

"It didn't look like nobody" Jean said still observing the brunet standing in the entrance of the market.

Lucas looked back at Eliott, feeling his heart going faster and faster with every other second. He was still standing there and looking at Lucas curiously, but there was something else. As if he hoped for the other one to leave the car and come back to him. The truth was, at that moment, Lucas wanted to do exactly that thing. 

Things were different.

"Can you just drive? It is just a friend" Lucas sighed looking back at his boyfriend. 

Jean frowned seemingly not convinced. After a second, he expelled a heavy sigh and started the car driving away without saying a word. The silence didn't last for too long.

"You two are fucking?" 

It hit Lucas like a bullet.

"What?"

"Don't act like you didn't hear me..." Jean wasn't mad. In his voice there was no anger, for sure- it was something different. Lucas wasn't sure but for a moment he thought it was some kind of fear.

"He is my lecturer Jean, Jesus" Lucas tried to play along, rolling his eyes.

Jean puffed, tightening the grip on the steering wheel. "Well... when I was at university, the lecturer wasn't looking at students like that unless they were fucking" 

Lucas felt his heartbeat drop at that sentence. Eliott was looking at him like  ** that ** . He bit his lower lip, trying as hard as he could not to smile. 

"As we said earlier, you are kinda old" he chuckled after a minute staring at the man next to him. 

A soft smile appeared on Jean's face.  _ Success _ . 

"Asshole" the older sighed, yet you could hear laughter in his voice, which made Lucas a little calmer. 

Even if he seemed better, after a moment his serious face came back. Lucas just rolled his eyes looking out of the window his tough being occupied with something else. Somebody else. For the first time, he actually didn't feel a need to argue about Jean calling him an asshole. He was one, and he hated it with all of his heart. The vibrations in his pocket brought him back, yet Lucas knew taking out his phone right was not a good idea. 

** Old raccoon: ** it was nice seeing you 

** Old raccoon: ** your friend didn't seem too happy haha

** Old raccoon: ** thought he was going to kill me tho

** Old raccoon: ** Lu?

He had to deal somehow with this, yet in his head, there was no idea how to do it. The truth was Lucas no longer had any idea what was happening nor what to think about it. 

"Can we talk?" Jean walked into the bedroom, while Lucas was sitting on their bed reading the chapters Eliott told them to read for the next lecture. 

"Yeah... sure" he answered, putting the book next to him, straightening up. The older sat on the edge of the bed clearing his throat. Lucas frowned not being sure what he could expect, especially since the look on his face was hard to define. "So? I am quite busy" he added quietly not wanting to sound harsh, what was a common thing for him these days. 

"Yes, sure... I would like to end this whole 'open relationship' thing" Jean spoke right after looking straight into his eyes. 

Lucas raised his eyebrows not being sure if he heard him right. 

"I know I was the one who came up with this idea, but... I love you Luc, and it was a really dumb idea from the first second... You said you didn't meet anyone, so I thought it wouldn't be an issue for you to end it..." 

Jean was looking at the younger one expectantly, his eyes betraying

his nervousness.

Lucas sighed, rubbing his neck awkwardly. At first, he was speechless, not knowing what to say. Truthfully the anger flew into his blood, yet he tried hard not to affect his response or behavior.

"Well... first of all, wow" he muttered looking up at Jean. "And second of all... I said that once-"

"So you hooked up with someone?" 

"I didn't hook up with anyone Jesus" Lucas gasped rolling his eyes "I am just saying that I had said that at the beginning, it could have changed" 

"Has it changed?" Jean asked raising his one eyebrow, which made Lucas a little bit more annoyed. 

"It hasn't"

"So if it is still the truth, where is the problem? I don't get it Lu-"

"There is not any problem. Just why do you think that way? Do you think I wouldn't hook up with anyone? Or maybe that no one would want me?" He knew that was not what Jean meant. Even if he was obviously aware of it, Lucas was annoyed just at the potential meaning behind these words.

"What? Fuck Lucas... please. I don't want to argue again. I thought you would be happy..."

"Well, obviously I am happy my boyfriend doesn't want to fuck other people. Wow, what a progress" he chucked taking the book in his hands again

"What is your problem, Lucas? What the fuck is happening with you?" Jean stood from the bed just to watch Lucas carefully with a serious face.

"What is wrong with me? You came up with a fucked up idea, without any further conversation with me. I agreed, just because  ** you ** wanted it so bad, and now  ** again  ** without talking to me you want to end the whole thing because  ** you  ** want to?" Lucas huffed not being able to hold it back anymore.

"I've just come here to talk about it! What the fuck?!" Jean asked with a quiet chuckle, being completely confused.

After looking into each other eyes, Lucas sighed leaning his back against the wall behind him "You don't get it. You never get it" he whispered his eyes drifting back at the book.

"Then tell me Lucas. Please... tell me just for once, what is happening with you. You have been acting weird as fuck recently... What is wrong?" Jean asked sitting on the bad again, his hand resting on Lucas's ankle.

"Fuck! You. You are wrong Jean. And we. We are fucking wrong. Is it that hard?" Lucas hollered, shocking himself with it.

The older one froze for a moment.

"What do you mean we are wrong?"

"Nothing. Let me study" 

"Are you really-"

"I said let me study Jean. I have tons of work to do and I don't have time for your fucked up bullshit" Lucas said harshly looking at the older one, who was clearly shocked by the reaction he got. He dropped his gaze at the book, waiting for the other one to leave.

Silence.

"Great. Okay... As you want to" 

Lucas bit his lower lip watching with the corners of his eyes as Jean took his sweater and left the door, by slamming them. He heard a loud "fuck" before another sound of slamming doors.

"Fuck" he sighed as well hiding his face in hands. 

He didn't feel sad. Previously in situations like that Lucas felt horrible, and he couldn't stand the thought of them not speaking or Jean being mad at him. Now he didn't care. Just like that. At some point it made him feel better, making the decision a little bit easier. However, it scared the shit out of him. 

What happened was not his intention. Not at all. Jean didn't deserve that, yet Lucas couldn't act any other way, even if he tried to convince himself to be more gentle around the older one. It used to be easier. Before the whole open relationship idea. Before Eliott. 

There were two paths waiting for him to decide. One of them was insane, unsure, and frightening, something which wasn't expected from him. 

The other one was convenient, yet it wasn't that decision that felt the right to be taken. 

It was sure, Lucas wasn't going to focus on either book or anything else. Firstly he thought about Yann, but he was sure it was his and Emma's anniversary which was clearly meant not to be disturbed. Basile and Arthur came back home since both of them had some family events going on, making Lucas left alone. Wrong. He was not alone.

***

Standing in the rain outside Eliott's flat wasn't the best thing he came up with, yet it seemed to be better than staying home. The truth was Lucas didn't want to wait for Jean. Especially with no idea what he should tell him. 

Lucas didn't catch the moment he decided to come here, as well, as he didn't know how he ended up here. Alone, in the rain, waiting for, basically a stranger. 

At first, the hoodie and his cowl were enough, but after a while, Lucas was soaking wet. He looked at his phone, checking the time on it, wondering how long can it take for a man with such long legs to come down. 

Hearing the characteristical sound of old doors being opened, Lucas looked up. A slight smile appeared on his face as soon as he saw the brunet in his tracksuit and camis holding his hands above the head to prevent wetting his hair. 

The perfect image of an idiot. Wrong. The image of the perfect idiot. 

Lucas didn't know that it was that small, the smallest thing he needed at that moment. Seeing the older one, made his mind go blank for a moment, just to come back with the only one thought. 

"Jesus, what are you doing here? The weather is fucking nuts Lu-" 

Eliott didn't have any chance to finish the sentence, since Lucas quickly came closer to him and crushed **** their lips together. It took the older one by a surprise. He was standing with eyes wide open, dropping his hands along his body. Lucas slowly moved his lips away, looking at Eliott with some kind of fear. 

"I..." he whispered glancing back and forth between the older's lips and eyes.

"Don't" Eliott said with a smile, gently putting his hands on Lucas's cheeks. "Don't ruin it" he whispered again and this time he lowered his head to steal a kiss from the younger one. 

Without any hesitation, Lucas wrapped hands around Eliott's neck deepening the kiss.

Lucas has always thought about how it could feel to be sure. How would it feel to know it was your destiny. People said you would feel it right after, without any hesitation. For the past year, he had been telling himself he had found one and that he had known the feeling. 

_ "You will know what you are missing, the moment you will find it" _ his grandmother used to say. 

For the past year, he was terribly wrong. And now he knew that for sure because he had finally met his destiny. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi diamonds!  
> another chapter and this time it is a litttttttle bit longer, so I hope you don't mind c:  
> the next one is ready and also it is longer, any guesses what can happen? how do you think things turn out to end?  
> hope you're healthy and having a great day  
> see you soon!

*** Eliott ***

Eliott didn't want to believe in what was happening, but the truth was, he didn't want to focus on this at that moment. Lying on his bed, with Lucas in his arms, was something which has never left his dreams, and finally was something real. He didn't have to imagine stroking his brown and soft hair or drawing the outlines of his face while watching the other one sleep peacefully. It was happening in real life. Lucas was here, next to him.

Obviously, there was something that bothered Eliott. Lucas didn't text him back, he didn't want to meet with him, and all of sudden he came to him despite the rain, kissed him, and asked to stay the night. 

It was a mess, which for Eliott didn't matter for as long as he was able to be with Lucas, no matter how stupid and naive it sounded. For the first time, he felt something like this. For the first time, he felt this kind of happiness, and he didn't want it to pass. For sure it wasn't the smartest idea he came up with, yet Eliott was tired of making decisions "because it is the smart one". If "the smart one" meant not being able to lay in here, with Lucas hugging him so tight, he didn't give a fuck about it. 

"Why aren't you asleep?" a silent voice broke the silence, bringing Eliott's attention almost immediately. 

He lowered his head, watching the back of Lucas's head, which was resting on his chest. 

"I was sleeping. Just woke up" he answered as quietly as the other boy, leaving a soft kiss on his hair. 

A quiet mutter came straight after, making the smile on Eliott's face spread even wider than it already had been. 

Lucas yawned loudly, switching his current position. He hid his head in the hollow of Eliott's neck, throwing his leg around the waist of the older one. "Then I won't sleep as well" he muttered quietly.

Eliott chuckled softly, wrapping his arm a little tighter around Lucas's body, making it a lot easier for the other one to lay like that. "I'm just not tired, sleep if you are" he whispered, poking Lucas's temple with his nose.

"I'm okay" the answer came fast, making Eliott snicker again.  _ Stubborn little brat. _

In his head, he had many questions, which almost were fighting about which should come out as the first one, yet Eliott didn't want to push. He decided to wait till Lucas would start talking. 

Eliott raised his hand, checking what time it was on his watch, and sighed quietly.

"Better sleep now, at six Elena wakes up and it is impossible to fall asleep after that" 

Lucas giggled raising his head just to rest his chin on Eliott's chest frowning. "What possibly could seventy years old do to not let you sleep?"

"You would be impressed by her skills, trust me" Eliott said with a smile, stroking Lucas's hair. 

"That sounded a bit nasty, you know it right?" Lucas wiggled his eyebrows, laughing as Eliott rolled his eyes. 

"O shut up and sleep already," Eliott said, a smile not leaving his face for even a second. 

He pulled Lucas in, making him lay again in his previous position. 

After a minute of silence, Lucas cleared his throat. "So... what is your favorite skill of her?"

Eliott gasped, rolling his eyes. "I warn you-"

"She is not that tall after all so-"

Lucas stuttered loudly as Eliott quickly changed their positions, crushing the younger into the mattress. He covered Lucas's mouth with his hand, glancing at the doors. 

"Shh... you will wake her up, you idiot" The brunet snorted lying with his whole body on top of Lucas's.

The younger one tore his head out of Eliott's hand gasping. "I am an idiot? How was I supposed to react hm?" Lucas snarled rolling his eyes. "Get off me, you are heavy" he whined trying to push Eliott off him. 

"I warned you. I am not coming off" Eliott protested and hid his head in Lucas's neck hugging him tightly. 

Lucas moaned breathing heavily feigning choking.

"Don't be a dick. I'm not that heavy" The older sputtered and bit the skin of Lucas's neck, who quickly let a quiet scream came out of his mouth. "Lucas!" Eliott hissed rasing up, frowning at the other one seriously. 

"What? You fucking bit me!' Lucas gasped quietly, looking at Eliott. 

A smirk appeared on an older's face. "Didn't know you are so sensitive. It is kind of cute"

Lucas rolled his eyes, but despite the darkness, Eliott was able to notice a 

blush on his cheeks. 

"Shut up-"

"No. You are incredibly cute" Eliott broke in, pulling his hand up to Lucas's cheek, stroking it softly. 

Their eyes met and Eliott thought the time has stopped for both of them. He lowered his head a little bit until he was able to poke Lucas's nose with his own. This time he didn't pull back, his eyes scanning Lucas's expression making sure the distance between them was okay for him. He didn't manage to do anything when Lucas raised his head and connected their lips in a soft and gentle kiss.

Eliott felt a warm shudder coming through his whole body just at the touch of Lucas's mouth. Without waiting any longer, he kissed him back, tangling fingers in his hair, pulling the younger one much closer to his own body. Even if they were very close to each other, the distance was not enough for Eliott. He has been waiting for a long time to feel Lucas so close, to taste his lips and kiss him till they both would get out of breath. His desire had been driven by his imagination which was the only tool he had till now. Eliott was tired of waiting. He finally could take what he wanted and he couldn't fight the urge to take all at once. Feeling another electrical shiver as Lucas's tongue touched his lower lip, Eliott couldn't hold back the quiet moan, which soon after left his mouth. Taking it as a suggestion, he deepened the kiss, wanting to make his fantasies come true, even in the slightest way. A silent groan was the best answer Eliott could have expected, at the same time being a perfect "approval" for him. His lips left Lucas's just to occupy his jawn, soon after focusing on the neck. Another silent whine struck Eliott's ears as if it was some kind of lightning, causing his body to shiver uncontrollably. It felt like he was in a totally different world when there were only him and Lucas. Their world. The world he has never been and he didn't want to leave even for a second. Lucas moved his head back, giving Eliott much more space to kiss his skin, tightening the grip around the older's shoulders. The brunet softly bit the skin of his neck, repeating it two more times, noticing how it affected the younger one, whose hips were nervously moving under his body. 

"Did...Did Elena teach you this?" Lucas asked quietly, before letting another whine came out of his mouth. 

Eliott chuckled raising his head, just to look at the younger one. With his fingers, he pulled off a fragment of Lucas's t-shirt, making now his collarbone visible for him.

"Do you seriously want to talk about her right now?" He asked with a silent, yet deep voice, lowering himself again to kiss a new fragment of Lucas's skin. "I can say what I have learned by myself... if you want to" he whispered, smiling when Lucas's body tensed the moment his mouth touch him again. 

The answer didn't come out. The silence was disturbed only by silent groans and quicker breaths, shared between the two of them. Eliott lowered his body connecting their hips together, with satisfaction discovering how hard Lucas was. Another groan came from the younger one, this time a louder one. Even if the position seemed to be perfect, Eliott pulled away from Lucas's skin, moving closer to his ear.

"What? Why so silent suddenly?" he whispered kissing softly his earlobe.

"Not funny" Lucas gasped biting his lower lip.

"And am I laughing?" Eliott asked catching the fragment of Lucas's skin with his teeth.

Lucas snuffled quietly putting his hand on Eliott's head just to pull him into a hard and deep kiss. The brunet's hand moved to Lucas's hips, again pulling them closer to his own, rubbing against it. The kiss was chaotic, which made it even more intense for both of them. Quiet moans, tangled hands, legs, hips rubbing against each other- that was all, either of them cared about at that moment. Everything was happening so fast, yet Eliott had a feeling he saw everything in slow motion. He wanted more. He wanted so much more than that. 

He pulled away, taking his shirt off and throwing it away on the floor, helping Lucas do the same with his. Seeing how the younger one was looking at him, brunet bit his lips, watching Lucas lying under his body. It was intense. Everything around them seemed to be blurry and any sound that reached his ear was muttered. Despite the heater being turned off, the faces of both of them were reddish and their bodies were burning.

"Come back here" Lucas muttered his hands touching the bare chest of Eliott, who was still kneeling between his legs, staring at the body of the younger one. 

He chuckled lowering his body right after, reconnecting their lips once again. Eliott's hands slipped between their bodies, just to unbutton the younger's jeans.

"You sure?" Eliott mumbled in Lucas's lip lowering the material of his clothes. 

Lucas didn't answer, raising his hips just to make it easier for Eliott to take his pants off. Seeing this the brunet giggled, lowering his mouth to kiss Lucas's neck. Lucas threw his head back, asking Eliott for more.

"Cute" he whispered biting a piece of his skin.

Eliott reluctantly pulled away from the other one, now fully taking the clothing off Lucas, feeling his head pounding as it has never before. He was going insane and it has never been more intense for him. As much as he loved it, Eliott was frustrated with the fact that he let something like this happen. He let someone basically strange come into his life. He let Lucas make him feel something that he has always promised himself not to get lost in. He let himself fall for someone he barely knew. The slight anger, made things even more heated for him.

Eliott broke the kiss glancing at their bodies. As his eyes met Lucas's crotch a wide smile spread on his face. He was perfectly hard and it was the best thing Eliott has seen in a long time.

His eyes drifted back at Lucas, smirking "So... you like me that much, hm?" 

"Shut up" Lucas moaned quietly sucking his lower lip between his teeth. 

"Why so harsh?" Eliott lowered his head, still not breaking their eye contact. 

"Just... please" the younger one tilted his head back again, as Eliott's breath touched his bare chest. 

He kept kissing his chest, starting from Lucas's nipples, pleasing himself with sounds made by Lucas. His mouth went down, now paying more attention to Lucas's abdomen, feeling as his body was getting tense. As quickly as he wanted to stop, Eliott ignored it when the other one's fingers tangled in his hair. Eliott felt his body burning. Every part of his body was shouting and demanding more and more. Not losing any contact with Lucas's skin on the stomach, Eliott slid his hand lower, beginning to pull off his boxers. Everything after that happened too fast for Eliott to react anyhow. Lucas immediately sat on the bed, the same pushing Eliott off himself. Eliott looked up at him, and before Lucas managed to cover his face with his hands, Eliott could see how shocked the other one was. There was something more than that. Shock, fear, embarrassment. 

"Shit.. sorry" Lucas sighed seconds later into his hands. "I'm... sorry" he muttered again expelling a heavy sigh. 

Eliott frowned seemingly confused, yet he was more worried. Obviously, he wasn't mad. Yes, he was disappointed but definitely not mad. He breathed out and lifted himself up, sitting next to Lucas.

"Hey" He said softly pulling Lucas's hands away from his face. "It's okay... just I would rather you use words than push me" Eliott chuckled stroking Lucas's cheek.

Lucas rolled his eyes, which was now tripping over Eliott's bare chest.

"I'm sorry" He repeated himself again, making Eliott giggle.

"I already know that" He said, slowly wrapping a shoulder around Lucas's waist, pulling him closer. 

As he did that, the younger one leaned into his arms so quickly, and perfectly to the point where Eliott wondered how it was even possible. 

"Just..." the brunet started after clearing his throat. "I'm sorry if I did something wrong, or I moved too fast-"

"Stop" Lucas broke in raising his head, just to look at Eliott seriously. "You didn't do anything wrong.. the opposite, to be honest" he added focusing his gaze on the other's legs avoiding the brunet's eyes. "Just... I think it's too soon, you know?" 

Eliott's heart softened as he saw Lucas's guilty puppy's eyes raised to look at him. He lowered his head, to stroke the younger's lips with his own, smiling widely.

"You are too fucking cute" he whispered and soon after a muttered cry left his mouth, as Lucas hit his shoulder "What was that for?" Eliott hissed frowning.

"I'm being serious right now Demaury" 

Eliott smirked leaning again to gently kiss the other one. "Me either. You are so damn cute and sexy Lucas Lallemant"

"Mhm" Lucas muttered into the kiss, smiling into it.

Eliott moved his head away, eyes not leaving Lucas's face. He stuck his lower lip between his teeth, seeing the younger boy with his eyes closed, pinkish cheeks, and lips slightly drifted apart waiting for another kiss. The brunet slightly bent again, leaving a gentle kiss on the other one's ear. "Sleep" he whispered lying on the bed, pulling the covers on his almost naked body. 

Lucas whined slowly opening his eyes. Seeing him pouting, Eliott chuckled quietly. He lifted the quilt, straightening his arm as an invitation for Lucas. 

Eliott raised his eyebrows "You have three seconds"

Lucas rolled his eyes, crawling under the covers, lying on his side, backs facing Eliott. 

"No hugging?" The brunet smirked, throwing the quilt on Lucas's body. 

"Yes hugging" Eliott giggled hearing a quiet voice coming from the other side of the bed.

"Yeah?" He teased him, getting great satisfaction from the way Lucas was behaving.  _ Too fucking cute.  _

"Stop being a dick and hug me you idiot" Lucas muttered wriggling impatiently. 

_ There he is.  _

"So you want me-"

"You have three seconds" Lucas broke in, wrapping the quilt more tightly around himself. 

Eliott smiled widely at himself, quickly coming closer to become a big spoon for the younger one. Before resting his head behind Lucas's, he kissed his neck one more time. Lucas hissed bowing his head, making his ear and shoulder meet.

"Don't" He said, elbowing Eliott's stomach, which was supposed to be painful but was exactly the opposite.

The older one laughed, now resting his head on the pillow. 

"Sorry, Mr. sensitive" 

"Not funny," Lucas said trying his best to sound annoyed. 

"No?"

"100% no"

"100? Wow, that's a lot"

"200% then"

Eliott giggled and smiled wider seeing Lucas's shoulders shaking a little which perfectly betrayed him. 

"Okay... let it be 200% sleep tight Lu" the brunet smiled, hiding his head in Lucas's wild hair, kissing the back of his head. A quiet and soft moan was heard, which make Eliott's heart beat a little bit faster.

"Good night Eli" 

_ Eli. _

When Eliott opened his eyes, he whined unhappy, as he saw an empty place next to him. He rolled over on his back, rubbing his face with hands expelling a heavy sigh. His phone vibrated on the desk next to the bed, bringing his attention right away. Eliott ignored it for the first time, but the second, and the third were hard to be missed and left with nothing. He stretched his arm, grabbing the device as he didn't want to change the position he was comfortably lying. Holding the phone above his head, Eliott sighed seeing tons of messages, but none of them were from Lucas.  _ Obviously _ . 

**Idriss:** everybody's still in? 

**Sofiane:** yes man. who do you even ask 

**Idriss:** Eliott?

**Imane:** He hasn't texted me back since yesterday

**Sofiane:** eyes emoji

**Sofiane:** maybe this Lucas guy

**Idriss:** about the time

**Idriss:** if he exists 

**Imane:** try to not be a dick

**Idriss:** ?? just saying

**Sofiane:** ELIOTT

**Sofiane:** DEMAURY

**Sofiane:** ANSWER U BITCH

**Eliott:** people are sleeping in here, respect that bitch

**Sofiane:** he lives

**Imane:** people? who are you with

**Sofiane:** Lucas's guy, I knew that

**Eliott:** ...

**Sofiane:** great confirmation, thanks man

**Imane:** shut up

**Imane:** let eliott text

**Eliott:** that's the reason you are my only friend

**Idriss:** ouch?

**Idriss:** will talk about that later. so, Lucas guy?

**Eliott:** yeah

**Eliott:** he came, stayed the night, but he left ig

**Eliott:** AND we didn't have sex

**Eliott:** will stop you there

**Sofiane:** what, why

**Idriss:** why did he come then

**Imane:** not everything is about sex you idiot

**Eliott:** thank you

**Sofiane:** anyway, sex with Elen next doors, imagine that

**Idriss:** bet she would come in

**Eliott:** she was asleep

**Eliott:** fuck my eyes

**Eliott:** now i won't have sex, cuz i won't be able to get hard after that

**Imane:** stop

**Imane:** i had enough of that

**Imane:** can we add Ingrid, i need backup

**Sofiane:** No

**Eliott:** no

**Idriss:** Ouch again

Eliott smiled at the phone, till some noises brought him back. He raised his body on the elbows, looking at the doors, from behind which the brunet could hear muttered voices. 

"Oh no" he whined quickly jumping out of bed, starting putting on his shorts.

Before he managed to grab a t-shirt the doors slowly opened and Lucas came in, backwards, with the tray in his hand. 

"Thanks again Elena. Will talk to him about that!" He spoke loud enough for the lady to hear. 

"Sure darling! Eat well!" she shouted back, which made Lucas laugh quietly. 

When the younger one turned around, he jumped in place 

"Jesus Christ" Lucas muttered, calming his breathing down.

"Sorry" Eliott spoke right away, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

Lucas shrugged, closing the doors behind him, with his foot. 

"It's okay... The food is still on the tray so-"

"I didn't mean scaring you" Eliott interrupted, clearing his throat, before pointing with his head at the doors. "I hope she wasn't a pain... I'm really sorry" he stuttered

"What? Elena?" Lucas asked putting the tray on the desk, against which he leaned after a second. 

Eliott nodded, putting hands in the pockets of his shorts. "She can be... time-consuming? I don't know. It annoys-"

"Eliott... She's lovely. I like her... don't even be sorry about her" Lucas said surely, sending a warm and assuring smile in Eliott's direction. "Okay?"

"Okay" The older one expelled a relieving sigh. "I thought you left... actually" 

Lucas tensed a little, intertwining the fingers of both his hands, being seemingly shy "Oh... no. But I can go... It's pretty late anyway, and you probably have lots of shit to do"

Eliott felt a warm wave flooding his stomach, going up to his heart at the sight of that. He chuckled quietly, which brought Lucas's attention right after, making his face look more confused than before. 

"Lu..." he started, and came closer to the boy, resting his hands on Lucas's hips. "You can stay as long as you want to... really" 

The younger boy stepped from one foot to another, looking up at Eliott with uncertainty filling his eyes. "100%?"

The brunet snickered "200%" 

Lucas smiled almost as wide as Eliott, nodding slightly at the older one. 

"So.." He started pushing Eliott a little away from him, just to turn around and show him the tray. "I was going to the bathroom, but I ran into Elena on my way back. She made us breakfast and apparently she had bought your favorite butter animal's biscuits" Lucas filled in looking back at Eliott with his eyebrows raised.

"Don't judge. They have the best composition and still are gourmet" He said taking some of the biscuits from the plate, putting them into his mouth right after.

Lucas smirked "Gourmet? Who says that?"

"What?" Eliott mumbled frowning.

Lucas slightly shook his head laughing quietly. "Nothing... but don't ever doubt that you are a grandpa" He said taking the tray and walking with it to the bed, in the middle of which he sat.

Eliott rolled his eyes taking a spot next to Lucas, soon after lying on his side, lifting his upper body on the elbow. With a smile on his face, he watched as Lucas was eating the scrambled eggs, which Elena made, talking about how delicious they were. He was laughing from time to time, shaking his head in disbelief as the younger boy seemed to be the cutest person he had ever met- with everything he had done. Not only cute, but he had this ability to be extremely sensual and appealing at the same time. It was hard for Eliott to stop looking at him.

"What?" Lucas muttered with his mouth full of bread and eggs. 

He wiped his chin with an arm, being sure he was dirty and that was the reason Eliott was staring at him like that. Nothing more wrong. 

The brunet shrugged taking a sip of his coffee "Nothing" 

Lucas frowned swallowing everything he was eating 

"All you do is watching me eat. You barely said anything..." Lucas grizzled taking another piece of bread in his hand. 

"I am just not hungry... and I can see that you have an appetite" Eliott said with a smile, which quickly disappeared when Lucas put the bread back on the plate

He cleared his throat "Oh... Sorry"

Eliott rolled his eyes, lifting his body, even more, to be closer to Lucas "I didn't mean anything bad. Eat if you are hungry baby" he chuckled and when Lucas raised his head to look at him, the older one winked smiling widely, as he saw the other's soft expression. 

There was something that at some point was hard to define. Eliott wasn't dumb, and he was pretty sure what caught Lucas's attention and made his eyes so sparkling.  _ Baby. _

"Just don't eat me" Eliott laughed pointing a warning finger at the other one, which quickly changed Lucas's expression to tired, his eyes drifting back on the plate.

"You are too old. Meat like this is disgusting" He said jerking off his shoulders as if he didn't care about that. 

Eliott sputtered quietly throwing himself onto the bed right next to the younger. He wrapped his arms around Lucas's waist, hiding his head in his stomach.

'How am I supposed to eat?" He heard a muttered voice from above him. 

Eliott shrugged again "Not my problem. I need hugs"

Lucas laughed putting his one hand on Eliott's back, stroking them slightly as he kept eating the breakfast. 

Eliott didn't mind having Lucas at his place at all and for sure either did Elena, but he didn't expect him to stay for the whole day. Obviously, he didn't dare to ask about him leaving, since on the one hand, he wanted him to stay as long as it was possible. On the other hand, he was extremely curious about firstly why the younger one came to him in the middle of the night, and secondly why he didn't leave and what was more it didn't seem he planned on doing it anytime soon. What made the whole thing even more worrying was the fact that Lucas's phone was going crazy from time to time. Many calls and messages, about which Lucas seem to not care about at all. 

Eliott assumed that it was something related to family staff. Lucas might have an argument with his friends and now he needed some space. To be honest it was nothing concerning Eliott. He had no right in asking questions or demanding from Lucas to open up about his issues. Maybe he was wrong and it was one of the most stupid things he was doing in his life, but he trusted Lucas. 

They were lying on his bed watching some movie on Netflix, or at least Lucas was watching. Eliott had his arm wrapped around the body of the younger, who was lying with his head on the brunet's stomach. He couldn't pay any attention to the movie, while Lucas was around him. His heart would speed its beat every time the other one would laugh, emotionally gasp, or anyhow comment on the scene playing on the screen. Eliott loved movies, and he could watch them every day, but he has never before met anyone in his life, who would emphasize this much with any character. Feeling his phone vibrating again, Eliott carefully slid it out of his pocket taking a quick pick at the message. 

**Idriss:** u free?

**Eliott:** not raellyu whatsup

**Idriss:** u ok?

**Eliott:** writing witone hand

**Eliott:** so?

**Idriss:** tomorrow we are meeting at the coffee. Will you come? 

"Something happened?" a silent voice made Eliott jump a little, looking back at Lucas, whose head was raised a little watching him carefully. 

"What? No... just a friend" he smiled blocking the phone.

"It's okay, you can text back" Lucas laughed frowning at him. 

The younger lifted himself up, leaning his back against the pillow next to Eliott, who pouted right after.

"Come back here. I'm already getting cold" He protested pulling the sleeve of Lucas's sweater in his direction.

"Text back like a normal human being, and I will lay again. You are too comfy not to be a pillow" Lucas muttered with a smile, hugging a pillow as a replacement, focusing on the movie again. 

Eliott rolled his eyes, taking the mobile in the right hand reading the messages again. He sighed biting his lower lip as the thoughts were flying inside his head, fighting about what he should do. At some point, he wanted to stay with Lucas since he had his day off, but on the other hand, he didn't even know if Lucas wanted to stay for another day. 

"You are going to text this friend back or...?" Lucas chuckled resting his head on Eliott's shoulder. "Can I?" he asked looking at the older one.

Eliott nodded and moved his thumb so Lucas had a better look at the messages. 

"You don't want to go?" he asked slipping his hand between Eliott's side and his arm, hugging him more comfortably. 

"I want to... but I don't know" Eliott muttered blocking the phone again just to wrap Lucas's body with his arm, pulling him closer. 

Lucas laughed not moving even a little bit, and Eliott couldn't be more glad for that. "It doesn't make any sense Eliott" 

"I don't want to leave you alone here. I can meet with them later" He said after a while looking at the movie, yet not paying any attention to it. 

Lucas gasped, moving away from him "Seriously?" He raised his eyebrows looking skeptically at the other one.

In response, Eliott raised his one eyebrow, as if he was asking "what".

"First of all, I'm not a child, I can stay on my own. Second of all, maybe I will just leave and if you are scared to let me stay here alone, just say so" Lucas said shrugging, but in his voice, there was no annoyance and Eliott was a little confused. At one point Lucas might be mad, but he didn't seem to be. 

"What?" Eliott laughed straightening up being shocked. "Why would I be scared? Damn it, no" he added stroking his eyes confused. 

"Then?" Lucas asked lowering his head with eyebrows still raised, waiting for an explanation. 

"Just... I don't know. You seem sad, I don't want you to be alone and the meeting is not that important. I can meet them later... Only you matter" Eliott answered not so surely observing as Lucas's expression softened when he finished the sentence. "Lucas?"

The younger boy seemed to be in a totally different word as if he drifted away from where he was. Eliott cleared his throat, repeating his name once again. This time it worked since Lucas's eyes moved and met Eliott's. 

"I'll be okay Eli... really" he said softly and right after he moved to sit again next to Eliott, hugging to his side. "Thank you" a silent voice reached Eliott's ears making him smile widely. 

"Don't be stupid... don't thank me baby" he whispered hugging Lucas tightly to his body.

"I really don't deserve this" it was a whisper, barely heard, and as Eliott thought, for sure, wasn't supposed to be heard by him. 

That's why he left it without any comment. He simply kissed the back of Lucas's head and threw a blanket around him, making sure the whole body was covered with the material. The rest of the movie they spend in silence, till Eliott could hear quiet snoring under his chin. The brunet slowly and gently, moved Lucas to the side, lying him on the pillows trying his best not to wake the other up. After taking care and making sure Lucas was all comfy and warm, he took his phone again in his hands, and seeing another message from Idriss he sighed.

**Idriss:** i start to dislike this lucas guy

**Idriss:** maaaaan

**Idriss:** you better write back

**Eliott:** what a drama queen you are

**Eliott:** i will be there

**Idriss:** with lucas?

**Eliott:** alone

**Idriss:** pussy

**Eliott:** bitch

He smiled putting his phone away on the nightstand when Lucas's phone which was laying there started vibrating again. Eliott bit his lower lip, looking at the sleeping boy behind him and seeing that he wasn't going to wake up he took the phone in his hand. The brunet turned it again to see who is calling and he sighed seeing "mum" on the screen. He put it down once again, but that was when the call ended and he could see a lock screen. There were six missed calls from mum, two from someone named Yann, and seven from someone name Jean. Eliott expelled a heavy sigh, again thinking about Lucas and the reason he was so absent during the whole day. Eliott turned the phone with its screen facing the furniture and soon he laid down right behind Lucas, hugging his back. A silent moan escaped from the younger's mouth made him forget about the previous problem at the same time making it negligible. Lucas wriggled, moving his back much closer to Eliott looking for more touch from the other one. 

"Night baby" Eliott whispered kissing his cheek, soon drifting away in his sleep, holding in the arms the most precious thing in his life. 

*** 

"What?" Eliott asked raising his eyebrows as he approached the table where his friends were sitting.

"Sofiane was hoping you would bring Lucas" Imane said, putting her hand on her boyfriend's shoulder stroking it gently. 

"I already said- it's not going to happen" The brunet laughed taking a seat next to Idriss, who was drinking his coffee.

Sofiane puffed, taking a menu in his hand, passing it to Imane. "You talk about him all the time, but we haven't met him"

"It's not the right time, okay? He is going through something and meeting you is the least he needs... no offense" Eliott sighed looking back and forth at his friends. 

"All you guys do is offending me, so yeah" Idriss muttered leaning his elbows at the table. 

Imane rolled her eyes, which drifted from her brother back to Eliott. "We will meet him, when you two are ready" she said softly winking at the brunet.

"And you ask why I like her the most"

Sofiane smiled widely, throwing an arm around Imane's shoulder, slightly pulling the girl close enough for him to kiss her cheek "I already know she is the best, don't have to tell me"

"Cliche" Idriss couched focusing his gaze on his cup with a hot drink.

Eliott frowned elbowing Indriss's side "Where is Ingrid?" 

"These two didn't want me to invite her" The taller one puffed looking harshly at the couple sitting in front of them.

Eliott chuckled raising his eyebrows

"And you didn't want her becaaause?" he stalled observing them carefully. 

"We wanted to talk like we used to, some gossips, these kinds of things" Sofiane jerked off his shoulders nodding in a direction of a waiter, who started walking towards them.

"But Lucas was invited" Idriss cried offended.

"What can I get for you?" The man asked with a wide smile, ready to write down their orders. 

"One americano, two lattes with caramel, and one hot choco for a mature child" Imane said with a warm smile, giving the man menu back, ignoring the murderous look sent by Idriss. 

The man raised his eyebrows in a question, but Imane just nodded as an answer. He looked at Idriss, feeling that the "child" was referred to him. 

"Yeah, whatever. One hot choco, with extra heavy cream" he said watching as the waiter wrote everything down. He repeated the order, and after another wave of nods, he stepped back walking to the bar. 

"Heavy cream? Someone is having a cheat meal I see" Eliott said wiggling his eyebrows at his friend who nodded winking at him.

"But I don't see you anymore at the gym" he pointed out.

Eliott shrugged leaning against the table "Don't really have time, work and other stuff"

"You mean work and Lucas" Imane corrected him with an innocent smile. 

"Not you too" Eliott whined trailing his head back "Yes, I mean work and Lucas" He conceded.

"Aaand how are things?" Imane continued "Look, you don't have to talk if you don't want to. We are just curious... " she added raising her hands in defense. 

"No it's okay" he sighed stroking his neck awkwardly. "It's okay I guess... Hard to say since something is happening in his life. He didn't say anything and I don't really want to push him, you know? But besides that... I literally fell into the deepest hole. He is perfect, like for real..." he said looking up at his friends. "It feels like home with him... and I don't really want him to leave-" 

"Wait" Imane interrupts putting her hand on the table as if she was saying calming him down. "Haven't you met him like a month ago?"

Eliott nodded "Around that" 

Idriss sighed, leaning again his chair with a loud whine "Dude"

"Eliott..." Imane said softly, looking at him with that look Eliott hated with all his heart. 

He snorted, his eyes drifting at Sofiane, who was just sitting in silence. When their eyes met, Eliott raised his eyebrows waiting for him to say anything. 

"I am as neutral as Switzerland, BUT are you sure Eli?" he spoke seeing that Imane was ready to say something more.

"I am sure" Eliott said as if stubbornly.

"And how do you know? How do you know he is not a serial killer? Or a psycho, or maybe something else... Eli, you don't really know him. Have you met his friends?" Idriss broke in moving his chair a little closer to Eliott. 

"What do you mean a psycho? I was a psycho too and what about that?" Eliott hissed

"Oh my God, you weren't a psycho. I didn't mean like that" Idriss rolled his eyes annoyed.

Eliott took a deep breath ready to say something, but he was interrupted by Imane. 

"Let's stop, please" She sighed. "Eliott nobody is saying he is this or that. We are just worried, because as you said- you had fallen into a deep hole, but you might be still falling, and the hit can be really hard-"

"We just don't want you to go back where you had been two years ago" Sofiane filled in resting his hand on Imane's shoulder, who nodded in agreement. 

"Look" Idriss spoke, making Eliott focus now on him "I really hope he is perfect. I really do, but I don't know him, I've never seen this guy and I don't really trust him either. I don't even like him-"

"Idriss" Imane spoke, but the taller one just raised his hand stopping her

"No... I don't like him now. He is a potential threat to you. And I didn't like Sofiane at first, because he was one too. We do care about you as much as you do about us, and you would be like that too if it was me" Idriss said, letting a soft smile spread on his face. "Just... be careful, dude. And I hope we will meet him and fall in love with him too" he added elbowing Eliott who rolled just his eyes. 

"Chill?" Sofiane asked looking at Eliott, who was switching his gaze between his friends. 

"Chill..." He answered and smiled right after to assure them about that. 

During times like this, when he winded down, Eliott was utterly glad to have friends like this. Even if their words made him wonder about some things, he was happy to see them. 

Maybe they were right. Maybe they were wrong. But the ruth was Eliott was tired of selecting thing into "do" and "don't". He had been doing that all his life, and it was time to end this. All the way, or not even a little bit. He had started. And he was planning to keep on going. 


	11. Chapter 11

*** Lucas ***

The past couple of days were balancing between the best of his life and the most stressful ones. On the one hand, he felt extremely comfortable around Eliott and at the same time, Lucas knew what he was doing, or more precisely what he wasn't doing. 

Avoiding every call he was getting, was the opposite of mature behavior, but it was the only thing that came to his mind. Lucas knew what Jean wanted to say, and for sure he knew what his mother could say either. She adored Jean and was already calling him her son-in-law, which from the start could suggest her potential advice. What was more, Lucas was sure that his mother was the first person Jean called, without mentioning the real cause of their argument. 

He knew his conversation with Jean was something that had to happen, yet he didn't see any sense at his point. He didn't think of him as his boyfriend anymore, even if nothing official had been said, at least not directly. 

He obviously texted his mom, that he stayed at his friend, not telling who and where, since it could end up with Jean standing in front of Eliott's flat. 

Lucas was glad he had a chance to stay there especially since Eliott didn't seem to mind him being here. Lucas was lying on the older's bed, reading one of the books he had found on Eliott's shelf when he heard the doorbell. 

"Can you open?" Eliott asked loudly enough for Lucas to hear him. 

He rolled his eyes and jumped out of bed, walked out of the room, and stopped in front of the front doors. Without taking a quick pick through the viewer, Lucas opened the doors and blinked seeing three people standing in front of him.

"Hello?" He said not sure, still tightly holding the doors, ready to close them. 

"Oh... our famous Lucas, aren't you?" The tallest one, dark-skinned guy spoke first, pulling his hand out waiting for Lucas to shake it. "Idriss"

He raised his eyebrows wondering if it was the right time to close the door and lock them or maybe he should wait. 

"Hi" he finally spoke and took the other's hand.

"Where is Eliott?" The girl asked with a smile. 

"In the bathroom" He answered slowly, turning his head back in the right direction.

As he finished the sentence, Eliott appeared from behind him, with only a towel wrapped around his hips. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked, being seeming as surprised as Lucas. 

"We came with a visit. You didn't want to come to us, so we came to you" the other boy shrugged and winked at Lucas, which make him a little bit more taken aback than he already was. This was something he didn't expect to be a part of.

Lucas cleared his throat looking at people in front of him "You want to come in?" he asked.

"Lucas we wanted to-" Eliott hissed quietly putting his hand on Lucas's shoulder, who shook it off.

"Eliott... " he sighed rolling his eyes and stepped back, inviting others to come in.

"I already like this Lucas guy" The girl said with a widely spreading smile on her face. 

Lucas smiled back, even if he could feel Eliott's gaze at his back. When everyone walked in, he closed the door and turned around to meet, nobody else but frowning Eliott. 

"What?" he asked quietly looking at the brunet, who had his arms crossed in disapproval. 

"What was that? Why did you let them in?" he whined pouting.

Lucas rolled his eyes, sighing "These are you, friends... What was I supposed to do? Kick them out?" 

"For example" Eliott nodded.

Lucas dropped his head a little, looking skeptically at Eliott with his one eyebrow raised. "For real?"

"I wanted to spend some time with you baby" The brunet said softly coming closer to Lucas, wrapping his arms around Lucas's body.

Eliott could do with him literally everything. He was his weakness and Lucas hated it.  _ Baby.  _ Nothing has ever had this kind of effect on his body as this word said by nobody else but Eliott. Jean used it many times, but he has never admired it so much. Eliott's voice was the most beautiful melody which could be listened to all the time, no matter where Lucas was or what he was doing. At the same time, it made him calm, excited but more importantly happy. He has never felt more at home than with Eliott.

He rolled his eyes, stopping Eliott from coming closer, by resting his hand on his bare chest. "Don't"

Eliott smirked "What?"

"You perfectly know what. Don't  _ baby _ me now. Go put on some clothes" Lucas said his eyes not leaving the other's body. 

"Are you sure?" Eliott said wiggling his eyebrows. "I can ask them to leave-"

Lucas whined stepping from one tooth to another "Please, just put on your clothes" 

Eliott chuckled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "Okay, okay. I'm coming" he sighed, reluctantly going into his bedroom. 

Lucas expelled a heavy breath and went to the living room where Eliott's friends were already sitting and whispering. 

"Tea, coffee, maybe beer?" Lucas asked intertwining the fingers of his hands.

"Maybe a tea for me" The girl said taking off her jacket

"Coffee with milk for me then" The boy next to her said with a smile sitting more comfortably on the chair.

"And beer" The boy who introduced himself as Idriss spoke winking at Lucas, who frowned a little. 

They all seemed to be nice, but still, it was a little uncomfortable to him since it accrued they knew a lot about him.

"Be right back then" Lucas nodded and went to the kitchen when he sighed heavily. 

He has been here for three days now and he managed to learn where certain things were, especially in the kitchen. Even if he had lecturers, Lucas didn't really leave the flat, spending more time with Elena, when Eliott had to go to work. She was a literal definition of an angel and a queen of the kitchen. During their afternoon dates, she managed to teach him to cook many things, which by Eliott were even better than the originals made by Elena, of course, it was said before "just don't tell her I said that".

"Do you need any help?" 

Lucas turned around to see the girl standing in the entrance to the kitchen leaning against the doors. He smiled softly turning on the kettle and shook his head.

"I'm actually pretty good since all Eliott drinks are coffee or black tea" He chuckled taking three cups of the cupboard. 

The girl laughed as well and hummed in confirmation. "I'm Imane, by the way" 

"Lucas" he added looking at her again with a smile "But I see, you already know that"

"Oh... right" She said and laughed quietly. "Sorry about that. We didn't want to be too much-"

Lucas interrupted her with a wave of his hand. "Don't be sorry. I just didn't expect Eliott to talk about me" 

"You are all he talks about actually" She said, catching Lucas's attention. 

He frowned and was about to say something when Eliott appeared from behind Imane.

"Already replacing me with him?" He cried walking past the girl just to approach Lucas and hug his back. 

"Not yet, but he is on a good path to take your place on my fav list" She said winking at Lucas, who winked back, feeling much more relaxed when Eliott was right next to him.

He heard a sad hum behind his ear, to which Lucas reacted just with an eyes roll. 

"Your place on my list is stable" He said turning his head a little to take a look at Eliott. 

The brunet smiled widely and loudly kissed his cheek "Perfecto" 

Imane cleared her throat catching their attention"Don't put any sugar in my tea, I already saw too much sweetness" 

Eliott laughed and pulled away from Lucas, taking the kettle, which turned off and poured the hot water into cups. 

"We will be right back" Eliott said to Imane, who nodded understandably and stepped back to the living room. 

Lucas walked to the refrigerator and took the milk out of it for Sofiane and a beer for Idriss, hiding it right away in his back pocket.

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Lucas asked as he was pouring some milk into the coffee.

He could feel Eliott's gaze on himself, but making eye contact with him right now, was not the best idea.

"Lucas...-"

"Eliott" Lucas broke in, raising his head to look at the taller one, who was now leaning his back on the cupboard next to Lucas, watching him carefully. 

Seeing these puppy eyes made his heart soften every time he was doing them. Nobody has even looked at him like that, not counting his family. The pure worry and care were coming out through his eyes. Obviously, Jean also was worried and cared about him, at some point. Yet, Lucas has never seen anything like that in his eyes. As if he was the only person in the world. As if only Lucas mattered. 

"What  _ Eliott _ ? I'm worried Lucas... you can pretend in front of them, but not me" he whispered, putting his hand on Lucas's cheek. "You know I am here, right?"

Lucas expelled a sigh, his gaze dropping on cups "Yeah"

"Okay" Eliott said, pushing himself away from the cupboards, grabbing two of the cups in his hands. 

Lucas took the last one, but before either of them move forward he could feel the warmth spreading through his forehead. When he looked up, he saw Eliott and his lips touching his skin. Lucas smiled at him, watching the other boy moving away, with as much soft smile as before. They both entered the living room, leaving the cups on the table. Lucas took out the can of beer and passed it to Idriss who nodded as a thank you. 

Lucas had to admit they were extremely nice and funny, especially when all they were doing was arguing about some little things, which didn't really make any sense.

They left pretty late, which was more of a problem for Eliott than for Lucas. 

"I thought they would never leave" Eliott whined throwing himself on the bed.

Lucas smiled at him taking a seat on the chair beside the desk, putting one leg under his butt. "It was fun" 

Eliott lifted his body on elbows frowning. "Were we at the same place? They were annoying and embarrassing-"

"They or their stories about you?" Lucas chuckled taking the phone out of his pocket checking if he missed anything new. 

Jean. Jean. Mum. Emma. Dahne. Jean. Jean. Jean. Sander.

He decided to open the last one since it was the lastest one and Sander was the only person with no closer connection with anyone. 

** Sander: ** you alive?

** Sander: ** just checking if i have to look for another study buddy

** Sander:  ** in case you drop out, u know

** Sander: ** cuz you will

** Me:  ** I will not

** Sander: ** DUDE u live 

** Me: ** i do... some things had happened and im a little out

** Sander:  ** noticed. u okay tho? Jean was here yesterday and today

** Me ** : omg, did u talk to him?

** Sander:  ** hell no, why would i? did u fight?

** Me ** : kinda. i'm staying at eliott's. needed some rest, but i think it's permanent

** Sander: ** spill the tea sis

"Lucas?"

Lucas looked up and seeing Eliott's face he immediately help bad about not listening to the older one. "Can you say it again? Please..."

Eliott sighed heavily looking at the phone in his hands. "Nothing important" he said and before Lucas managed to say something, he added "I'm serious, it's okay... Glad to see you finally texting someone" he chuckled, but Lucas rolled his eyes. 

Eliott winked at him and took the book from the nightstand and opened it ready to read. Lucas observed him for a while, and then looked at his phone again. 

** Me: ** nothing to spill. im hiding at eliott's, but sooner or later i have to talk to jean. don't really know how

** Sander: ** just do it. it's not an enigma lucas. and make it fast, cuz seriously you are missing too much at uni.

** Sander: ** even sleeping with a lecturer won't help you

** Me: ** i'm not sleeping with him

** Sander:  ** you have been living there for days and no sex?

** Me:  ** no

** Sander: ** what is wrong with him??

** Me: ** with me. he wants. he wanted to make it happen twice ig, but i didn't want to

** Sander ** : are u ok?

** Me: ** ...

** Me: ** not everything is about sex u perv 

** Me: ** i can't till i talk to jean. it doesn't feel right.

** Sander: ** then talk to him jesus

** Me: ** im about to

** Sander:  ** mhm

** Me: ** im serious

** Sander:  ** bye pussy

Lucas sighed heavily blocking his phone and he hid it again in the pocket. He knew he had to do something and he knew it had to be soon.

When he entered the flat all he met was silence and darkness. He knew Jean was at work, otherwise, Lucas wouldn't come right now. After taking off the jacket and shoes and leaving them on the dresser, he walked into the flat observing everything. Lucas sighed seeing empty boxes of pizza on the coffee table, some boxes after noodles, a couple of cans of beer, and a blanket thrown at the sofa. 

Lucas whined throwing his head back "Jesus Christ"

He rubbed his neck and walked into the kitchen, taking the trash can out of the cupboard. Cleaning this mess took him about an hour and honestly it was a success since Lucas was ready to spend hours doing this. He loved this flat, he really did. It wasn't a big apartment, but it was cozy enough to feel comfortable in it. Obviously, it wasn't his and he never felt as if he was at his place. It has been always been Jean's place since he was the one who worked and paid for the majority of things. 

Despite his tiredness, Lucas forced himself to enter the bedroom, which he also cleaned from trash lying everywhere. He took his suitcase out of the dresser and threw it on the bed, unzipping it right after. 

Luckily he didn't have many clothes, which most of the time was making him want to buy more, but now he was glad he hadn't done so. Another hour passed by and he was almost done with the packing when he heard the key switching in the lock. Lucas swallowed and threw the rest of his clothes in the suitcase, zipping it quickly. 

"Lucas?" Jean asked loudly and Lucas could hear him starting walking around the flat looking for him. 

Lucas walked out of the room and that was the moment Jean wanted to enter it, causing the two of them to run into each other. Before he was able to do anything Jean hugged him tightly to his body. 

"Jesus, Lucas. Where have you been? Don't ever disappear like that" He said into Lucas's hair, who was standing straight. After a moment he raised his hands and rested them on the other's hips, slightly pushing him away. 

"Jean" he started, but the older one didn't let him go on. His hands cupped his cheeks, watching his face carefully.

"Are you okay? Where were you?" 

"Jean" Lucas repeated, but the man grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room.

"I see you cleaned, but I promise I wanted to do it today. Sit, I ordered some groceries yesterday, I will make you foccacia maybe hm? Sounds good?" He asked and left Lucas in the middle of the room, walking into the kitchen, which was half-open to the livingroom. 

Lucas sighed, rubbing his eyes "Jean please" 

"What?" the older stopped walking and turned to look at Lucas. 

"I'm here just for a while-"

He frowned "What do you mean 'just for a while'?"

Lucas sat on the sofa and swang his head, asking the other one to sit next to him. Jean looked at him unsurely and still was standing in the same place. 

"Please, just sit" Lucas said softly sitting further on the sofa, bending his one leg, just to sit on it comfortably. 

Jean sighed and walked to the furniture sitting on the other end of it without saying anything.

Lucas had no idea what he should start, or even what he wanted to say to him. He had many days to think about it, what was more he imagined this situation already many times, yet his mind went blank the moment he saw Jean. Hurting him was the last thing he wanted to do, but Lucas was aware he was going to do it, no matter how hard he would try to avoid it. 

He took a deep breath and decided to do it the most simple way possible. 

"I..." He started, but hearing his voice cracked, Lucas cleared his throat. "I don't think it will work out between us... anymore" He added not looking at Jean even for a second. He was playing with his fingers, watching them, but not paying any attention to it. He was stressed like he has never been before, but Lucas didn't want it to be seen so easily. 

"Is this a joke?" Jean asked quietly and Lucas even without lifting his eyes at him, could predict what his expression was looking like. 

"Look... I've tried, I really have, but it just won't work out. I'm sure about it. I'm really sorry, so, so, sorry" Lucas said biting his lower lip. 

He knew he didn't really have anything to be sorry about. He was aware of it two days ago, he was aware of it before coming here, but now it was something different. Sitting in front of him, in the place, they used to share so many memories, and hearing his voice... it was different.

"You are literally fucking joking right now" Jean chuckled and even if he was trying his best to pretend to be okay, it wasn't a big success.

"No-"

"No. I mean... you can't" Jean interrupted his voice being a little bit louder.

Lucas frowned, daring to look up at him "What do you mean 'i can't'. Obviously, I can, since I am doing it"

"Lucas... just think about it-"

"I already did Jean! Did you even listen to me?" Lucas raised his voice, but after realizing it he sighed again. "See? I can't even talk to you without being annoyed... It... I... just no Jean" 

Lucas hated his stuttering, yet he couldn't help it. He couldn't decide what to tell or what should be left without any comment. 

"I've really changed Lucas. Look... I really do want to change for you. We can start all over again. Only you and me, okay? This time it will be different, no other people, just you and me" Jean stammered chaotically, moving a little closer to Lucas, who was at the edge mentally and physically. 

His breathing got a little faster, and his fingers started playing harsher with each other, tearing out the fragment of skin around his nails. 

"Lucas, I need you" Jean added.

Lucas tilted his head back expelling a muttered cry "You. You and you. Only you.  ** I ** don't need  ** you  ** Jean" Lucas said as softly as he could, his eyes drifting again back at the other one. "I just fucking don't need you anymore. Just like that" He fessed up sucking his lower lip between his teeth. 

He wanted to scream, cry, and fight, but at the same point, he was devoided of any energy. Lucas looked into Jean's eyes and all he could see was shock and sadness, and truthfully he wasn't surprised. He was getting ready to see something like this, but in reality, it was a totally different feeling. 

_ I am an asshole. I have always been one.  _

"What... What are you talking about Lucas? How do you think is this possible? You can't love someone one day, and the next day you just wake up and decided you don't feel anything anymore. It's fucking impossible-"

"But it happened! I don't love you anymore Jean, Jesus. And it's not like it took me one day, you know? It has been a whole process" Lucas whined.

Jean leaned against the backrest of the sofa looking at the spot on the table. 

"Because... you met someone" It was more a statement than a question to which Lucas had no idea how to refer to. "Am I right?" Jean turned his head and looked at Lucas, who was left speechless. 

"I... it doesn't matter if there is someone else Jean. It is something I had on my mind for a long time-"

"This lecturer?" Jean interrupted 

"Jean!" Lucas burst out and rubbed his eyes. "Can you just stop? I really don't want to argue right now..." he sighed "Look... It is only about you and me, there is not Marc, Carlos, or whoever it might fucking be. Jean and Lucas. It's just... not meant to be-"

"For me, it is" Jean muttered quietly, which was a surprise to Lucas.

He really expected some argument or harsh words, but he got something totally different. 

"It isn't. You will see" Lucas mumbled back.

There was a silence between them and Lucas had no idea what to do with it. After a minute he cleared his throat and stood up.

"I've already packed my stuff, so... yeah. I will just go" Lucas sighed rubbing his hips awkwardly as he was still glancing at Jean, who didn't move. "Jean?" 

The older boy shook his head, coming back from his thoughts, looking up at Lucas. "Yeah... go ahead," he said quietly and Lucas could see the corners of his lips twitched.

Lucas breathed out and left to the bedroom just to take the suitcase and leave his pair of keys on the dresser. While walking to the corridor he glanced at Jean who still was sitting on the couch without moving or saying anything. He knew him very well and any emotions that he was feeling at the moment, would be let out the moment Lucas would close the doors behind him. 

Before leaving the flat, Lucas stopped, still holding the handle "I'm sorry Jean" He said the only thing that came to his mind. 

Not thinking for any longer, Lucas closed the door behind him, leaning against them. 

"Fuck" He whined closing his eyes tightly.

He wasn't sad because of the end of the relationship. For him, it has ended some time ago. The only thing that made him upset was Jean and emphasizing how he could feel right now. He took out his phone and unblocked it right away, choosing the only number he thought of.

"Hi... Can I come?"

***

"And what are you going to do now?" Sander asked lying on his bed with a joint between his fingers. 

Lucas shrugged and stretched his arm asking for the smoke. Sander turned and passed the joint to Lucas who was lying on the other end of the bed.

"Why didn't you go to Eliott?"

"I just don't really want to... Today was too much for another serious conversation" Lucas sighed taking a puff of joint. "One hurt person is enough right now" he added quieter.

Sander nodded, but after a second he raised his eyebrow "But you are coming for tomorrow's lecture? 

Lucas snickered rolling his eyes "Yeah...I'm" 

Even if the potentially harder part was done, Lucas didn't feel anyhow calmer. For him, a conversation with Eliott was much worse. He was just simply afraid of losing him, and that was the reason why he hadn't told him in the first place. 

At first, it was just an innocent relation, which was supposed to be temporary and definitely not serious. Lucas didn't expect it to end up like this, but it had happened and he had to deal with it somehow. 

He took his phone feeling a vibration coming from it. 

** Old raccoon:  ** ??

"Oh fuck"

"What?"

"Eliott. I didn't tell him about leaving... " Lucas whined throwing his head back, hitting it several times against the wall.

Sander chuckled shaking his head "You are a disaster Lucas" 

** Me: ** Sorry, i'm staying at my friend's tonight

** Me ** : I forgot to tell you

** Me: ** I'm sorry

** Old raccoon: ** eh...

** Old raccoon: ** okay, i've just started to get worried

** Me: ** i'm sorry, rly

** Old raccoon: ** it's okay baby. have fun and be back tomorrow <angry face>

** Me: ** nobody writes like that anymore

** Old raccoon:  ** oh shut up

Lucas smiled just at the thought of Eliott. He expelled a heavy sighed and lay down on the bed thinking only about the brunet.  _ He won't leave me. He won't leave me. He won't leave me. _

"Don't worry so much Lucas. Tomorrow will be better" Sander said and smiled softly at his friend, who was lost in his thoughts.

_ Tomorrow will be better.  _

Even if Lucas was psychically at the lecture, he for sure wasn't paying any attention to what was happening, and no one could really blame him. All he could think of was Eliott and what he was about to tell him. At some point, Lucas wanted to leave early but he knew Eliott won't be home till the late evening since he was working that day. 

The plan didn't end up working, since Lucas left after one more lecture and went straight to Eliott's flat. He knew Elena was there to let him in, and waiting for Eliott there seemed to be a better idea. He attended the most important lectures and it was all that mattered. 

As Lucas was approaching the building, he saw someone was coming out of it, which he used as an occasion, and went inside without any need to call. Coming up to the highest floor wasn't something he was a fan of. 

_ When we move in together, we will have to fucking move out of this hell.  _

_ When. _

_ If. _

Lucas knocked on the doors pretty loudly, knowing that it was better to do it right away, rather than waiting and coming to this conclusion after minutes of waiting for an old lady to hear anything. He admired Elena, but it didn't change the fact that her hearing wasn't the best. 

Soon after he heard a lock switching and seconds later he saw a short lady with grey curls, big, thick glasses, and a bright smile on her face. 

"Lucas, darling! I knew it was you. Eliott mentioned you would come. Come in, come in" She said happily walking to the kitchen, waving his hand at Lucas for him to follow. 

He chuckled quietly and closed the door behind him before walking in. When he walked into the kitchen he laughed pulling up the sleeves of his sweater.

"What are you making?"

"Oh, our lovely Eliott has a busy day today, so I decided to make his favorite cake" She said loudly wandering around the room and collecting necessary things from cupboards. "Oh, darling... Could you please take down this bowl from me?" Elena turned to look at Lucas and pointed at the highest shelf where all the bowls were. 

Lucas smiled widely since mostly his high was not much of a help, but in this situation, he was still above the average height of people in this flat right now. He took the stool and quickly took the bowl down, passing it to the lady next to him, who put it on the worktop. She started wandering again, looking into the cabinets, muttering something under her nose. 

"Maybe I could help?" He asked but even his voice betrayed his uncertainty and hope for refusal.

"You see darling," She said loudly enough for Lucas to frown because of the pain in his ears since she was standing exactly next to him. "I must have lost my glasses somewhere..." She started but Lucas knew exactly where it was going.

Lucas started laughing taking off his sweater, now wearing only a t-shirt. "Okay... where is the receipt?"

"You know what darling?" Elena asked as she was kneading the dough, which Lucas previously made, while he was now focused on doing the cheesecake mass.

Lucas hummed, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his arms. 

Woking next to the hot oven was not the best idea, yet it was better than doing it in the living room since it was the only place available. The kitchen was rather smaller than bigger, where was barely a place for three people in there. 

"I'm glad my baby Eliott had found you" She said with a smile, looking at Lucas, who also glanced at her, feeling a warmth spreading through his body. "I've never seen him like that before... And he has never brought anybody in here, except two times, but let's bless the God it was just for once. I tell you, my dear, otherwise I would pour the blessed water on this poor thing" She sighed and Lucas chuckled being pretty sure she would do that. 

"That bad?" He asked putting a finger into the mass, just to tase it seconds later if it needed any more sugar. 

"Oh my..." She just waved her hand and winked at the boy. "I was getting worried he wouldn't find happiness, and this poor boy had been through so much. He deserves you. You are a blessing my dear" Elena added and stepped back from the worktop. "Okay darling. Now just put it nicely on the sawmill, pour the cheese mass and it's ready!" She rubbed her hands together being seemingly excited.

Lucas nodded watching as the lady left the kitchen and probably went to the bathroom. He sighed heavily resting his head on the cupboard hanged in front of him. 

_ He's been through so much.  _

_ You are a blessing. _

It was a paradox and Lucas started to think karma is really a bitch, Yesterday he broke someone's heart and left him, while today it might happen to him as well. 

_ You get what you give. _

The cake was in the oven and Lucas was sitting beside the table together with Elena playing poker. Everybody had their goals in life, and Lucas's was to beat her at least once, even if it seemed to be impossible. 

He needed to wind down, any distraction, which could be a potential help right now. Eliott was supposed to get back any minute and Lucas tried to stop himself from glancing at the clock hung on the wall in front of him. 

The fifth time he looked up, the lock in doors, switched and they opened. Eliott smiled right away seeing Lucas in the living room. 

"Hi baby" He mouthed, making Lucas's heart literally melt. 

Brunet slowly closed the doors behind him, putting one finger on his mouth stopping Lucas from alarming Elena about him. 

He came closer and put his hands on her shoulder, making the older lady scream and jump in place. Elena turned around and seeing Eliott, she hit his stomach with the pack of cards in her hands.

"What an idiot are you! I must have got a nice place in heaven for putting up with you, for my lovely God" She sniveled rolling her eyes. 

Eliott snickered and came closer to Lucas, giving him a soft welcome kiss. 

"Hi" Lucas whispered giving the short, but sweet buzz back. 

Every time Eliott kissed him, Lucas thought he could melt and the desire to hold Eliott close to him was getting bigger and stronger. He didn't believe in God, but he was ready to pray for Eliott to stay next to him for the rest of his life. Part of Lucas knew it would happen. It was his destiny. There is no chance, he would be apart from him. 

_ Right? _

"Poor Lucas. At least be a good man for him" Elene interrupted their moment, forcing Eliott to pull back and cry in the offense. 

"I'm the best man! Right?" He looked seriously at Lucas, who just nodded quickly, sending a wink at Elena.

She laughed and started gathering cards from the table.

Lucas frowned "I thought we didn't finish" 

"Oh darling. It's too late for my old eyes to keep up with yours. You have a better company right now and I would kick your ass anyway" She said hiding all the old cards into the wooden box with her husband's name engraved on the top of it. 

She used to mention her husband many times and Lucas didn't mind hearing every story even twice. In their case, they were true love, which was a dream of Lucas. Looking at the brunet, who was standing right next to him, Lucas knew Eliott was that dream. And even if something might go wrong, there is no chance he would let it go away. There was not such a thing as which would make him not fight for Eliott. 

Lucas smiled softly, feeling Eliott's hand stroking his shoulder. He bent his head a little, leaning it against the brunet's arm. 

"What is this smell?" Eliott asked poking with his foot, Lucas's.

Lucas raised his head looking at the older one with a gentle smile "We made a cheesecake" 

Eliott's eyes immediately got bigger "You did not" Eliott breathed.

Lucas chuckled seeing that and just nodded. Eliott right away left Lucas and went to the kitchen, from where a loud whine came seconds later. "I already love this evening!"

_ Wait for that.  _

"Take this evil's tool away from me" Eliott whined, lying on the sofa with his hand stroking his stomach. 

"Nobody made you eat almost everything" Lucas pointed out, sitting at the end of the sofa massaging Eliott's feet which were lying on his knees all the time. 

"You did. By making such a great cheesecake" He bumbled hiding his head into the pillow.

"Was it gourmet?" Lucas asked raising his eyebrow.

"Shut up, have some empathy for man in pain" 

Lucas wriggled his nose "Man in pain? Man with no ability to hold himself back from eating half of the tray of cheesecake" he puffed rolling his eyes.

"The tray of cheesecake made by my boyfriend" Eliott corrected him and Lucas could swear the temperature in the room immediately got a lot hotter.

He looked at Eliott, who already had his eyes on Lucas, watching his reaction. It had to be an obvious one since Eliott cleared his throat and lifted his body a little.

"I mean... We haven't talked about it actually, but you are basically living here, and" he started to stutter a little, which wasn't really Eliott's thing. "If you want to, then it would be nice... to be boyfriends" 

Lucas stopped massaging Eliott's feet and cleared his throat right away. 

"Eliott..." He started feeling his heart speeding a little faster. He thought he was ready, he really did, but the truth was- he wasn't. 

"You don't want to" Eliott finished instead of him, which quickly made Lucas look at the older one. His face was paler and it was clearly seen he was stressing out.

"No. I want to... just" He said and expelled a shaky breath out of his mouth. "I just need to tell you something"

Eliott's expression changed into a little calmer and he simply nodded. 

"Okay" He said after a while of thinking and took his feet away from the look and sat right next to him looking at the other one.

Lucas couldn't stand his sight, that was why he dropped his gaze, focusing it on his finger, which again started nervously playing with each other. Eliott must have noticed it because he grabbed Lucas's hands and introverted their finger as if he was assuring him it was okay to say.

"I... I had someone" he conceded not looking up.

Eliott chuckled "And? I had people before you too-"

"No" Lucas interrupted him and instantly he looked up at Eliott in his eyes "I had someone when we met. I had been in a relationship for this whole time"

_ He won't leave me. He won't leave me. He won't leave me. _

_ Tomorrow will be better _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder:  
> comments warm my heart 🥺


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS  
> you have no idea how much these comments meant to me. they made me SO happy, I literally love you, and thank you so so much!  
> you made my day.  
> ANYWAY  
> here is THE chapter and I hope you will like it, don't forget to leave a comment, an option- whatever, I will still love it.  
> i didn't really have time to check the chapter so I am really sorry if you find typos or mistakes- cuz you will.  
> ALSO, did I change the length of the fic? yes I did. will I change it again for more? i won't deny   
> enjoy and see you soon diamonds!

*** Eliott ***

For the first time in a long time, he had a terrible night. He was not able to fall asleep and when he succeeded, it didn't last long enough for him to feel alive in the morning. 

When he didn't sleep, he was going through fazes. 

Anger. 

He was mad at himself that although he had doubts, although all the signs coming from his own mind telling him to be careful, he decided to not think for once. It was one time, Eliott was risking it all. He had risked and he lost. 

Longing.

He wanted Lucas to be here. For the whole day, he was dreaming about hiding in his arms, spending the night with him, curled in his side. He was excited. He was happy. He was madly in love. And despite everything he heard, he still was. He was madly and hurtfully in love even if he didn't want to be.

Sadness. 

He was a fool. He felt like one. Lucas had been playing him all this time. At some point, he was sure Lucas didn't take him seriously, but after repeating in his head all the moments they had shared together, it seemed impossible for the younger one to fake it. Eliott was sure it was impossible to be so heartless and emotionless to play somebody like that and he was sure Lucas wasn't a great actor- he had proved it many times. It was just his hope. He wanted to believe, but a silent voice in his head came in again. And this time Eliott decided to hear it. 

The next day was his day off and Eliott didn't plan on leaving his bed. He was exhausted and still, it wasn't the word that perfectly described his feeling. 

His plan was perfect- bed and books, or just any netflix series, which didn't require him to think or even focus. At first, he wanted to spend the whole day sleeping, but it was impossible. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw one thing, or more precisely one person. Too many thoughts, too many feelings, too much time to be wasted on them. 

At some point, he left his comfort zone, and trying his best to be as quiet as possible, Eliott went to the bathroom. 

"Good morning dear" 

Eliott closed his eyes, hearing the loud voice before he managed to close the door to his room. He expelled a heavy sigh and turned around to see Elena in her chair with a cup of tea- as always. 

He faked a wide smile "Morning"

"I made some french toasts for us, come eat with me" She said slowly and stood up from the chair, firmly holding its armrest.

"I'm not-"

"I don't care dear. Sit and I will bring us food" She interrupted while disappearing by the wall separating the corridor from the kitchen.

He sighed quietly, rubbing his eyes more harshly. There was no place for any discussion... 

Eliott was sitting beside the table, nervously moving his leg under it. 

"Here you go" Elena said putting the trace with food on the table, sitting in front of him and her plate. 

"Thank you" Eliott hummed, smiling softly at him.

He had no idea how so much love and empathy might have been in one person. Even if he wasn't hungry, Eliott took the fork and started to eat the toast, after pouring some maple syrup on them.

"You will spill my tea in a second" 

The brunet looked up at her with his one eyebrow raised "Hm?"

"You will spill my tea" The old lady repeated and pointed at his bouncing leg. "The whole table is shaking dear" She snickered.

"Shit, sorry" He said immediately stopping his movement. As soon as Eliott looked back at her and saw her frown, he rolled his eyes. "I know... language" 

"Oh, I don't mind your language dear" She waved her hand making the whole matter seem to be fragile. 

"Then what?" Eliott continued, focusing his gaze on the plate in front of him, taking small bites of the food. 

"It is half-past ten and you have just left your room-"

"It is my day off... I'm just taking some rest. That's all" He breathed out.

"And it has nothing to do with Lucas not being here?" 

Eliott felt a cold drizzle coming through his body just at the sound of the name. He didn't say anything, filling his mouth with a big piece of toast. 

"I know it is not my thing dear... But I heard you two, yesterday" She added softly and Eliott closed his eyes, letting another heavy sigh escape him.

The silence from Eliott continued and he didn't plan on changing it. He didn't expect her to hear anything, and for sure he didn't want it. Eliott didn't really want anyone to hear it or even know about it. One day, was not enough for him to understand or make it feel less stressful or painful- not mentioning talking about it with anyone. 

"I know you wanted good, but I'm really not hungry right now" He sighed and stood up from the chair ready to leave the room.

"Eliott" She said and grabbed his arm before he could leave.

"Please..." He turned to look at the lady begging her to let him go. 

"No my dear. You can't lock yourself in a room and be alone in there. Maybe it is hard to believe that such an old woman can know how you feel, but I do" She said and smiled at him widely. 

Eliott softened a little bit, letting a small smile spread on his face. 

"Sit down and eat some more darling" Elena insisted, finally letting off his arm. 

The brunet hesitated for a second, but knowing how much time she had to spend in the kitchen, he simply didn't have the heart to leave her alone. Part of him didn't want to be alone as well, even if Eliott didn't want to admit it. 

Even if the topic of the conversation has changed, one thing circuited in Eliott's head. "So... what did you hear?" 

His voice was unsure and silent. Silent enough for Elena to not hear him, but surprisingly this time she managed to hear the question. 

"Pretty much everything... It was hard not to hear both of you" She chuckled taking a sip of her tea.

"Won't you even ask?" Eliott looked up at her questioning the whole situation.

The lady shrugged, smiling gently "Eventually you will talk when you want to my dear boy... Even if I wanted to, I really can't go anywhere far" She said and Eliott couldn't resist but laugh at this. 

"Kind of true" He said winking at her. 

The worst part of this was that he wanted her to ask. He wanted to talk, even if he didn't plan on doing so in the first place. Now, now Eliott needed someone to talk to him about it. He needed to say some things, which were stuck in his head since yesterday out loud. But there was nothing. No questions, not even a sentence. She was just sitting in front of him, staring, torturing Eliott and it wouldn't be an exaggeration. 

He cleared his throat looking at the plate "So" he started but just the thought of talking about it made him feel kind of uncomfortable. "I have no idea honestly" he chuckled nervously. 

"Oh my dear" she breathed out looking at him the way Eliott hated the most- compassionately. "I know it seems to be hard and difficult, but it is easier than you think"

Eliott frowned confused and snickered not taking it seriously "How?" 

Elena smiled softly and put her hand on the left side of her chest "All you need to do is to listen more carefully" 

"I listened to it once and look where it got me" He sighed leaning against the backrest of the chair, resting his hands on the table,

"Where my dear? To the person who loves you and makes you finally laugh?" She asked and seeing another eye roll, the lady raised her pointing finger at Eliott "Don't look at me like that. You heard me. He loves you and for the love of my lovely God I know it. And I know it because I don't use only my eyes to see things Eliott. You should do it the same, do what your heart is telling you to do. Listen carefully and no matter what it tells, just trust it-"

"I can't" He interrupted her, looking directly at her eyes, hoping his eyes weren't as teary as he felt they were. "I listen to it in the first place, and I let him fool me, I let him hurt me. How am I supposed to listen to this" he gasped pointing at his heart "when it is freaking hurt and confused. I don't trust it anymore and I regret listening to it then" He said it all in one breath, talking another deep one after he finished. "I just can't let it happen again"

"Oh for the holy's sake Eliott" She whined and hit both of his hands with hers. "That's love!" She said loudly raising her hands up. "There is pain, arguments, lots of shouting, crushed plates, but there are happiness and support at the end of everything. It is nothing near perfection... Oh, my dear, lovely Julio was a piece of an asshole, and believe me Eliott, I wanted to kill him most of the time, but I can't imagine my life with someone else" She smiled softly looking at the ring on her finger. "Some people are worth everything son" 

Eliott followed her eyes and smiled softly. He wanted a story like Elena's and he believed he got one. 

"Lucas might have fucked up-"

"What-"

"Oh, just give an old lady a break and don't pretend to not know this word" she huffed waving her hand at him. "Anyway the question is... if you are going to be less hurt without him. Think about it darling" Elena smiled and looked at the clock on the wall. "Oh my sweet Jesus, my show has started" she cried, and slowly, yet faster than usual, stood up and sat on her armchair, turning on the tv right after, hitting the armrests excitedly. 

Eliott snickered and sat there for a minute thinking about what she has just told him. 

"Eliott, come watch with me. You won't believe who killed Don Carlos" 

Elena was obsessed with every melodrama aired on tv and Eliott willy nilly knew the plot of every single one. He didn't really care, but honestly, he loved their evenings on the sofa with hot choco and some Spanish series on.

Without saying a word, he walked to the sofa and laid on it trying to focus on the action. It was hard, but he managed to do so after a while. 

"Wait, why did he do this?" Eliott asked pointing at the television.

"Eliott! Keep your lips sealed, you drown out the tv" she hissed trying to hit his head, but since her eyes were glued to the screen, she missed it. 

The brunet laughed quietly knowing perfectly what he was getting himself into. She was a lovely lady, but if you ever try to interrupt or disturb her while watching any show... be aware it might be your last time doing anything at all. 

Even if he loved spending time with her, one episode of Don Carlos being dead was enough for him. Taking advantage of her limit point, he escaped again to his room, quickly throwing himself on the bed. Being exhausted, Eliott didn't even think about potential leaving the flat, not mentioning leaving his room, or even the bed. He curled himself into the sheets and soon after he felt the sleep taking his away, after the whole night of begging for it.

When he woke up, Eliott didn't really know for how long he had been actually asleep, yet he was even more tired. His eyes felt heavy, closing themselves every time he tried to keep them open. Eliott didn't want to stay awake, because it meant thinking, debating, fighting with his thoughts, and what was worse- time to make any decision or a chance to figure things out. 

He heard a quiet vibration, which brought his attention to the nightstand next to his head. A loud moan escaped his mouth, while his head was pounding really hard as if he got hit by something. Without a more careful look, he sought blindly for a mobile, soon after grabbing it and raising it above his head. He had been sleeping for more than 10 hours...

12:02

** Idriss:  ** pizza tonight?

** Sofiane: ** yes, i need some junk in my body

** Imane: ** We had burgers yesterday...

** Sofiane: ** but not pizza

** Imane: ** Eliott?

** Idriss:  ** did anyone heard from him?

** Sofiane: ** we didn't

** Idriss: ** Eliott, don't ghost us

** Imane:  ** Pretending not to see our messages won't help you avoid the meeting

14.45

Missed calls Imane (2)

Missed call Idriss

17.38

** Idriss: ** did he call you?

** Sofiane: ** no

** Imane: ** should we go there?

** Idriss:  ** you know he won't answer anyway

** Imane: ** Maybe something happened...

Sofiane: nothing happened, he is just busy, and don't baby him

18.55

Missed calls Sof (3)

20.23

** Sofiane: ** called Elena, she said he is sick and asleep 

** Imane:  ** omg

** Idriss: ** hope i didn't catch anything from him 

** Imane: ** ...

** Idriss:  ** just being honest 

20.38

** Lucas: ** can we talk?

** Lucas: ** fuck, please Eliott

Eliott sighed dropping the mobile on his chest. After some time he raised it again, unblocked and enter the messages 

** To Sof ** : can we meet tomorrow?

He waited two minutes till he saw three bobbing dots.

** Sof: ** sure man

** Sof: ** will let the others know

** To Sof: ** No

** To Sof: ** just the two of us

** To Sof: ** please

** Sof: ** okk, everything ok?

** To Sof: ** not really. tomorrow at costa?

** Sof: ** tomorrow at costa

Eliott threw his phone at the other end of the bed, resting his hands on the chest. 

_ Listen more carefully.  _

_ He loves you. _

_ Trust it.  _

_ It is nothing near perfection. _

_ Some people are worth everything. _

He wailed loudly pressing the back of his head further into the pillow. "Fuck me" 

The moment he closed his eyes, all the memories and words came back to his head, echoing so clearly and loud that he couldn't escape from it anymore. 

_ "What... what do you mean?" Eliott straightened up and loosen his grip around Lucas's hands.  _

_ He was expecting something like "I need some time", "it's going too fast" "I love you" or maybe "I already live in here, maybe let's move in together". He was ready for everything, but not for something like that.  _

_ "You know what" Lucas breathed out rolling his eyes.  _

_ Eliott frowned at him. "No, I fucking don't know" He hissed watching the younger one carefully. "Lucas, for fuck's sake speak-" _

_ "What? Damn it Eliott, don't make me say it again" Lucas whined looking up at him. "What are you expecting me to say?" _

_ "Are you kidding me? You can't just drop something like this and leave me with nothing!" He said loudly but quickly looked at the corridor making sure he wasn't too loud to wake up Elena.  _

_ His eyes drifted back at Lucas, who was just sitting with his head down looking at his hands. Eliott sighed heavily and stood up rubbing his eyes.  _

_ "Lucas, I am serious if you don't start talking-" _

_ "I..." he finally broke in, but the silence started right after. "I'm sorry" Lucas's voice was silent and after that Eliott could hear a quiet sob. _

_ "Don't" Eliott said standing in front of him with hands on his hips. "Just... don't"  _

_ "What?" Lucas asked and looked at Eliott.  _

_ There were tears in his eyes and even if Eliott was mad and hurt, view like that was another bullet sent into his heart. Eliott tried hard not to let his feelings be seen. He breathed out and sit on the chair behind the table.  _

_ For both of them, the silence seemed to last much longer than it actually was.  _

_ "Say something or I will go crazy Lucas..." _

_ Lucas cleared his throat "I... the guy who was with me... then, when we met at the store"  _

_ Eliott bit the inside of his cheek, focusing his gaze on the wall behind Lucas. _

_ "We had been together for some time... I had been living at his-" _

_ "Had?" _

_ "I broke up with him-" _

_ "When?" _

_ "Yesterday..." _

_ Yesterday _

_ Eliott chuckled and stood up again. He couldn't sit in one place. He felt his body going crazy, he was going crazy  _

_ Yesterday _

_ "So when you left yesterday-" _

_ "I went there..." _

_ Eliott nodded biting his lower lip "Great... wow Lucas, great" He said walking back and forth. "Did you-" _

_ "I didn't stay. I stayed the night at my friend's" Lucas added before Eliott was able to say anything.  _

_ At first, Eliott felt relieved, but the truth was it was just a second.  _

_ It could be worse.  _

_ Still, it wasn't good.  _

_ Eliott opened his mouth to say something but he closed it quickly. He had no idea what he could say. His mind went blank as soon as Lucas decided to let a bomb out.  _

_ "Maybe... maybe I will just leave" Lucas broke the silence after a long wild.  _

_ The younger one looked at him as if he was searching for any confirmation or disapproval.  _

_ Eliott looked at him, for the first time in a while not feeling anything. Anything at all. He was numb. _

_ "Yeah... maybe it will be better" He said quietly. _

_ Lucas nodded softly and took his sweater. Before he left the living room, he turned around to look at Eliott again.  _

_ "I...I know I fucked up... but I really do care about you Eliott"  _

_ Lucas's voice has never been more soft or maybe more unsure. Eliott didn't know. He didn't know anything at all at that moment.  _

_ "Bye Lucas" _

_ It was all that he was able to say or anything that came to his mind.  _

_ When he heard the last shot of the doors, he expelled a heavy sigh pressing his back against the wall behind him.  _

***

"Now I know why you wanted to meet only with me" Sofiane chuckled holding the cup of coffee in his hands. 

Eliott rolled his eyes "That's not exactly what I wanted to hear" 

"I am not here to tell you things you want to hear man" 

"You know what I mean" Eliott sighed robing his eyes "Sof..."

"I don't know man, it's fucked up" The brunet said looking at the other one. "I literally have no idea... Imane would be a better advisor"

"Maybe a better one, but more judgmental too for sure" Eliott pointed out, making Sofiane laugh quietly.

"I'm not going to say it but I have told you" The other one mocked his girlfriend.

"Exactly" Eliott laughed quietly and leaned his elbows against the table. "Fuck... I just... I have never been more confused in my whole life" 

"And... how are you? You know... mentally" Sofiane asked softly as if the topic was too sensitive to be spoken about in a normal tone. 

For others, it was like that, but Eliott didn't mind talking about his sanity. At first, he didn't like to share things like this with anyone, but after some time he felt comfortable enough to talk about it, with the hope that his story or problems could be a help to anyone else. 

Eliott shrugged "I'm okay... as okay as I can be" 

"You sure?"

"Sof... I'm not a baby, I can handle things" He snickered, rolling his eyes. 

"I know man, just... I really don't want you to go through this shit again-"

"And I won't. It is different this time, I promise... I would tell you. Just... It hurts and at first, I felt like hiding in my bubble again, but... It didn't felt right after all"

"Because it isn't right. You can talk to us anytime, just don't hide there ever again-"

"I didn't mean hiding" Eliott interrupted.

Sofiane raised his eyebrow.

Eliott sighed "I meant... Partly yes, hiding there, but as I was thinking about it... there was no Lucas in this bubble"

Sofiane breathed out, taking a sip of his drink.

"What?"

"You know what" 

"No, I don't. Tell me" Eliott dared him.

He knew. Yet he wanted to hear it. He wanted somebody to say it to him and that was why he called his friend. 

Sofiane looked at him, placing the cup again on the table. "He had someone. He was in a relationship... but not with you. Yet he didn't tell you about it. I know it is fucked up, but... He had never said what you two were and you had never asked either" 

Eliott raised his eyebrows in a slight shock.

"What?" Sofiane chuckled. "You expected me to tell you to forget about him and be in a team "fuck Lucas"?"

"More or less... but yes, something like that" Eliott said and smiled softly after a while. "So... what should I do?"

"I won't tell you what to do man. This shit is too heavy, I don't really want to be involved or feel bad when I tell you the wrong thing" Sofiane said jerking his shoulder off, still looking softly at Eliott. 

"Look... I had done some pretty fucked up things to Imane as well and look at us. If you love, then you love... just" He added clearing his throat. "But," He said loudly raising his pointing finger. "Think about it. I had known Imane since we were kids... you and Lucas? It has been a month or something like that. Before you do anything, think, okay" Sofiane muttered raising his eyebrows beggingly. 

"Hearing it from you is really weird" Eliott snickered winking at his friend. "Thank you... really" he added seeing that Sofiane wanted to give him a punch line, and before the topic would change, Eliott wanted to say something more. 

"You have nothing to thank me for-"

"I have... even if I still don't know what to do"

"Give yourself some time and then decide" Sofiane added, checking his phone. "Imane... and man, don't tell her I said anything. She would kill me" He said surly.

"I know... easy. Your secret is safe with me as long as mine is safe with you" 

Both of them smiled, before Sofiane changed the topic, wanting to distract Eliott with something. Firstly it worked, but just for a while. His mind quickly drifted back to Lucas. 

***

"It's nice to see you again" Julie said as soon as Eliott walked through the door.

He smiled as well approaching the reception. Without asking, he took the paper and a pen, signing it right after. 

"How is he?" 

After the first visit, Eliott talked with the doctor about the medication his father was taking. It was clearly seen that then made him more numb and absent than it was necessary. Eliott managed to make them change them, thanks to which his father's behavior changed a lot. Because of that, his health was under constant observation. 

"Good. He has been asking if you arrived every other hour" She laughed shaking her head in disbelieve. "It's really great that you visit him" 

Eliott smiled looking back at Julie, passing the paper to her "Yeah... I know" 

She told him more or less about recent progress in his father's behavior, and when it was all, Eliott took the stairs, as always. 

"Hi dad" he said as soon as he opened the door. 

"Elio!" The old man turned around in his chair to look at the brunet. 

His wide smile, made Eliott's heart warm-up, making him a little uncomfortable. The man started taking different medications which made him a little more elemental. 

Even if their relationship was better, and truthfully the best one they had ever had, Eliott still wasn't used to the effect his father's love had on his body. The man stood up and before Eliott managed to approach him, he walked in his direction, making the two of them meet in the middle of the room.

Eliott hugged him gently and the second their bodies met, he pulled away, stepping back. 

"Sit, don't overdo yourself" he mumbled, and helped his father sit on the edge of the bed. 

"So good to see you son" he said and Eliott smiled at him this time sincerely. 

He turned around to look at the room and how it has changed since his last visit. Eliott tried to visit him every other week and so far it has been the best schedule for both of them. 

Under the bed, there was a pinboard on which the man or nurser pinned some information about the schedule of the day or any activities taking place in the nursing home. Eliott has already seen his pictures, which his father had pinned there before his last visit. There was his newest picture with his friends, with their names under it. There was a whole note full of information about Eliott, where he taught, lived, how old he was, his birthday. 

The whole sight of it was balancing between "how sweet" and "how sad" it was for Eliott. He was relieved that the whole relationship went in this direction, at least this one... 

"What is in there?" his father's voice and his hand on Eliott's arm brought him back from his thoughts.

Eliott cleared his throat and put the bag on the bed unzipping it "I brought you things you wanted the last time" 

"What things?" the man asked, and Eliott being prepared for it, leaned forward to the pinboard, took one of the sticky notes with a list of things from it, and passed it to his father, who read it right after.

"Oh... right, sorry" he muttered being seemingly ashamed. 

"It's okay " Eliott waved his hand and started taking out the things from the bag. 

The last time he was there, Eliott promised him to bring some snacks, a newspaper, and the sudoku. He smuggled him a non-alcohol beer, knowing the one with alcohol was not doing well with his meds, yet he wanted him to have something which wasn't a tea or an orange juice. 

"Oh my" His father laughed loudly seeing a can of beer.

"Shhh... Margot will kill me when she finds out" Eliott chuckled winking at the man.

Obviously, he asked the nurse if it was okay, but his dad didn't have to know. They both laughed and soon after the man was sitting on his chair, while Eliott was reading him the newspaper. 

"Are you happy?" The man broke in when Eliott stopped reading to turn the page. 

The brunet frowned and looked at him. "Of course... and now focus, you will like this part" Eliott pointed out and went back to reading.

Before he read the second line, a hand landed on the paper. 

"Stop lying to your old father. We said- no more secrets" he said and slightly hit Eliott's back of the head. 

The harsh truth was that Eliott promised this with hope, the man wouldn't remember this for long, yet he was wrong. He raised his eyebrows but seeing a serious face of his dad's he sighed and put the newspaper on his lap. 

"Okay, Sherlock. Why do you think I am not happy?"

"The last two times you were here, you were almost dancing and checking your phone every other second. You have been here for an hour and you haven't look at it even once. I love you being here, but you have never been here for so long" The man laughed swinging slowly in his chair. "I might be sick but not stupid son" 

Eliott rolled his eyes "Maybe I'm not really happy, but it is nothing. Can we?" he asked showing his the newspaper, which was immediately taken away from here.

"I don't give a fuck about any of this. I have here a tv Eliott, I know what these idiots are doing with my country" 

"Dad-"

"No  _ dad  _ me here. Is this a girl you have troubles with?" 

Eliott sighed rubbing his eyes. It was something which wasn't brought out and he wasn't sure if he wanted it to be. He barely got his father back and maybe it was selfish but Eliott didn't want him to go away again. However, it was who he was. If his father didn't want to accept it, it was his problem. 

"No... Not really" he stuttered taking a deep breath in. "It's a guy I have troubles with-"

"The student o yours?"

"No... not the student. A guy I was seeing... like romantically" Eliott cleared his throat and looked at his father who was just looking at him. 

"And? Are you going to continue or do I have to guess?" He raised his eyebrows, without showing any further emotions. Even his expression didn't change. He just stopped swinging at his chair. 

Eliott straighten up and told the whole story to his father, who just listened and nodded from time to time. 

"That's pretty much it" 

"So, he is a piece of an asshole" The man said swaying in the chair again. "Do you have a picture of him?" 

Eliott frowned not expecting this at all. He hummed and took out his phone searching for the pic he had taken a few days ago when Lucas was staying at his. Lucas was reading a book peacefully when Eliott called him and took the picture, the minute Lucas looked at him. His father took the phone, zooming in and out the picture all the time. 

"Handsome piece of an asshole" he fessed up giving the phone back to his son. 

Eliott chuckled quietly hiding the mobile in his pocket. 

"What are you going to do?" 

He jerked his shoulder off, folding the newspaper, before putting it on the bed. "No idea... I guess it has just finished" 

"Since when my son is giving up?"

"Since always dad..." Eliott laughed ironically. 

"Don't bullshit me. You are a fighter Eliott. You have always been. No matter what your intention had been, but had always used to fight, no matter what had been happening. When you wanted something you fought till you got it. Moving out, starting university, art classes, music. You fight when you have a good reason to. Is this boy a good reason?"

"I'm not the one who should-"

"You are the one who should fight for your happiness" 

"Can we?" Eliott asked after a moment of silence pointing at the newspaper again. 

The man sighed heavily and nodded, his eyes drifting outside the window.

When he fell asleep and Eliott was leaving the place it was already dark. He said his goodbye to Julie and other nurses before he left and jumped into his old car. He took out his phone and sighed seeing new notifications. 

_ Lucas. Sofiane. Lucas. Imane.  _

He threw the mobile on the back seat and drew away tightening his grip around the steering wheel trying to focus on the street and cars passing his by. 

_ He loves you. _

_ Fight for your own happiness. _

_ Some people are worth everything. _

_ Take time. _

"Fuck" he shrieked and pulled off the road, hiding his head in his hands taking deep breaths in, and letting them out after two seconds. 

By his side, there was no Jocelyn, no Sofiane. He had to decide and he had to take every consequence coming out from this decision. Eliott titled his head back, pressing it against the resting headrest. 

_ Listen more carefully.  _

He closed his eyes, calming down his breathing. 

_ Listen. More. Carefully.  _

It has been four days. 

Four days.

_ Listen more carefully.  _

_ I really do care about you Eliott.  _

_ Bye Lucas.  _

_ Lucas. _

He was all Eliott could think of. His name was all over his thoughts, being screamed, cried, whispered. All the time when he thought about the younger one, the guy from the car was right next to him. His hands were on Lucas, his mouth as well.

Eliott was the only one supposed to touch and kiss him. 

In Eliott's universe, it was his hands made for Lucas and vice versa. When he met Lucas, he was sure he had been living in the right universe, because Lucas was in it. He still was sure it was his universe, yet Eliott wasn't sure if Lucas was in it.

His phone started vibrating again. Eliott looked at it and sighed seeing the caller's name on it. 

_ Trust it.  _

When he picked it up, he met silence on the other side. 

"Eliott?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh... hi" 

Eliott sighed looking at cars driving outside. "Hi"

Silence. 

"I didn't really think you would answer" Lucas laughed nervously and even if Eliott didn't see him, he was sure, Lucas was biting his lower lip.

"But I did" Eliott said quietly for the first time feeling so small in front of anyone. 

"So... How are you?" 

Eliott rolled his eyes and breathed out. 

"Lucas-"

"Look... I know I am an asshole, but just... Can we meet, please?"

Eliott stayed silent for a while with his eyes closed. 

"I miss you Eli"

_ He loves you.  _

_ Less hurt without him. _

_ Is this boy a good reason? _

A deep breath escaped his mouth. 

"I miss you too" he sighed and Eliott could promise, he could hear Lucas smiling. 

"So-"

"What are you doing right now?"

"Right now?"

"Yes. Where are you right now Lucas?" 

***

Eliott stopped his car in front of the petrol station where he saw Lucas standing in the parking lot. It was raining and Eliott wanted to pick him up from his friend's house, but Lucas asked him to arrive at the station. The brunet found it a little suspicious, yet he didn't really want to talk on the phone anymore. Seeing Eliott, the younger one jogged in his direction and jumped in. 

"Fuck, the weather is horrible" Lucas winced fasting his seatbelt. 

Eliott hummed looking at him. As soon as he saw his face, a drizzle came through his body. He missed him and as much as he wanted to deny it... it was impossible. As pathetic as it sounded, Eliott didn't know he needed Lucas so much. Lucas's eyes landed on him and his expression changed instantly. His cheeks became even redder than they already were, because of the cold weather. The corners of his lips twitched and Eliott was glad that he wasn't the only confused one.

"So..." He started "Maybe let's drive somewhere else" Eliott muttered looking questionably at Lucas.

The younger one quickly nodded as a confirmation "Yeah... everything is fine for me" 

They drove in silence, and it has never been more awkward. Eliott used to like the silence between them, but right now... it was something totally different, and he wasn't excited to be a part of it. He had no idea where to go. For sure Eliott didn't want to go to their favorite small cafeteria, or anywhere actually. He wanted them to be alone, and the only place that seemed to be right was literally nowhere. 

"If you are going to kill me, you should know I'm literally broke" Lucas slivered looking around the area when Eliott parked the car. 

The older one chuckled "Nothing new" 

Lucas looked at him and smiled the moment his eyes met Eliott's. 

"You are so fucking beautiful when you laugh" Lucas said and another drizzle hit the brunet's body. 

He cleared his throat and looked at the trees in front of them. Eliott turned off the car and leaned against the seat with a heavy sigh.

"Sorry... I... sorry" Lucas muttered, the same as Eliott pressing his back against the seat.

Another silence. 

Eliott knew he was the one who suggested meeting and it was his "duty" to say something first.

"So" He started biting his lower lip "I don't even know where to start" Eliott breathed out rubbing his face. 

"Maybe... maybe I will start" Lucas said looking at Eliott.

Even if he wasn't looking, Eliott could feel his gaze. He has always been able to feel it. 

"Okay" Eliott shrugged and rested his hands on the steering wheel. 

"I... I know I fucked up. And I wanted to tell you some time ago when I walked you home, but then Elena and the milk" Lucas stuttered observing Eliott all the time. "Before we met Jean, this guy, suggested open-relationship. To be honest, I wasn't a fan, but even though I agreed. I didn't even plan on looking for anyone, he was the one practicing the whole thing... Then I met you. And I know how it sounds, but you have changed everything... I really fell for you. The whole thing with Jean started to suck, I started seeing things even before I realized what I felt... You.. and him. Eliott, you are an actual angel, I have never felt something like that before you. I wanted to go break up with Jean, but I didn't do it, because I was too scared. I have known him for so long, my family treated him as if he was already in... it seemed to be so difficult. I was scared you wouldn't treat me seriously, that I would risk and I would lose... But then I had realized I wanted only you... We argued with Jean and then I went to you" Lucas said everything so quickly and chaotically, gesticulating while talking. 

Eliott was silent for the whole time and after it, he began analyzing everything that Lucas said. 

"I should do it sooner, much sooner and I am so fucking mad at myself Eliott, you must believe me-"

"Why didn't you tell me in the first place?"

"What should I say? 'hey my boyfriend wanted to fuck someone else, so let's meet and maybe do the same'?" Lucas sighed heavily. "Would you go out with me then?" 

Eliott looked at him ironically and seeing that Lucas threw his hands up. 

"See? At first, I didn't want to miss my chance, even if I didn't really want to have sex with anyone, or whatever... I just wanted to go out, not think about Jean or...anything actually. And it turned out I went out with a great guy. Funny, charming, handsome... I didn't want to lose what we had and I didn't even think 'what is next" you know? You made me stop thinking. There was just you and me at that moment" Lucas added softly and unsurely. 

Eliott hummed as confirmation, perfectly knowing what he meant. 

"I didn't want to lose you. And I still don't want to... I will do everything, I will wait as much as you want to, fuck I won't let you go Eliott okay?" Lucas turned his whole body, now facing the older one. 

Eliott dared to look at him and all he saw was sadness, but also hope and determination. He knew Lucas was serious. Serious as never before. 

"Some people are just worth the wait and effort. I hope... I hope you think I might be worth it too, or at least I hope you will think about me like that in the future" 

Hearing this Eliott had to blink twice.

_ Some people are worth it...  _

"So... I think that's all... I don't really know what I could say-"

"Why didn't you want me to pick you up at your friend's or just us talk in there" Eliott interrupted watching him. 

Lucas seemed to be a little taken aback, but still cleared his throat " He lives next to the station so you basically stopped in front of his flat... and his boyfriend was about to come... and hearing them fuck was the last thing I wanted as a background to this." he said pointing at himself and later Eliott.

The older one chuckled pressing the back of his head against the headrest.

"Perfect background... I don't know what you have against it" Eliott added and now it was Lucas who laughed. 

The brunet smiled and looked at Lucas who stopped laughing, changing his expression into a more serious one. 

"I don't know what to do Lucas" he whispered not breaking their eye-contact. "I miss you so fucking much, but every time I think about you... I think about him, and you being with him, you two touching-"

"Stop" Lucas said right after. "Since we have known each other, there was nothing, okay? No sex" He added quietly. "I know it still is not enough, but... Since we met... you are the only one that matters Eliott" 

A warm wave flooded his body, as soon as he heard the last sentence. 

"How am I even supposed to believe this Lucas?"

"How should I know? I promise, no more lies. Just... I know I ask for a lot... but just give me a chance Eliott. I'm going fucking crazy without you" Lucas said and put his hand on Eliott's tight. 

The older one's eyes followed Lucas's hand and seeing that he was about to take it away, Eliott covered it with his own palm. 

"I will fucking kill you if you do something like that again" Eliott sighed looking back at Lucas, whose eyes got a little bigger. 

"What? Does it mean-"

"Just come here and stop talking for a minute please" Eliott whined and not waiting for Lucas's reaction he pulled him closer connecting their lips in a long-waited kiss. It felt like the first one and Eliott wanted it to last forever. He put one of his hands on Lucas's neck moving him much closer to his body, while the other one touched his cheek. 

"No more lies... promise me" Eliott whispered into the kiss, feeling Lucas's hand on his chest. 

"Promise" Lucas whispered as his fingers tighten on the material of Eliott's sweater. 

They kissed chaotically, biting each other's lips, letting quiet moans escape into the space around them. Eliott wrapped his arm around Lucas's body and pulled him on his knees. Even if it was the most uncomfortable position, he didn't plan on changing it. He wanted him so bad and so desperately... Eliott changed his interest from Lucas's lips to his neck, biting and sucking the younger's skin, happily hearing his whines. 

"Fuck" Lucas said after a while, yet Eliott didn't stop taking it as a reaction to his touch.

He was wrong and he understood it the moment Lucas pushed him and pulled away, resting his hands on Eliott's shoulder. 

"Jeez, what now?" Eliott whined dropping his hands onto Lucas's hips. 

"You are my lecturer" Lucas stammered looking at Eliott seriously.

Eliott frowned and laughed, but he stopped as soon as he saw that Lucas's expression didn't change "I am your fucking what?" Eliott gasped.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> diamonds!!  
> it is basically the end of the story. i'll post the last part pretty soon, so you don't have to wait long- i promise.  
> sorry, but the delay :c  
> i hope you will like and enjoy this chapter.  
> see you in a few days!!

*** Lucas ***

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" Lucas asked already holding the handle of the car's doors. 

Eliott smiled softly at him and shook his head "No... I think we both have some thinking to do" 

Lucas nodded slightly looking at the brunet once again. He wanted to kiss him, he really did. Yet, Lucas knew it wasn't the greatest idea he ever had. A few hours ago they had decided to give them one more chance, and after minutes from this, they had something to think about again.

"Okay" he muttered and smiled at him. "So... Will you text me?" 

Eliott nodded "Yeah...I will... Have a good night Lucas" 

He wasn't sure about any of it, and for sure he didn't want to leave. He was really close to stay in the car and not leave unless Eliott would push him out of it. Instead, seeing how the brunet was imploringly

looking at him, Lucas let a heavy breath out and stepped out of the car. 

Before he closed the doors, he looked at Eliott. "You promise?"

"I promise" The older one sighed and smiled at him as an assurance. 

When he closed the doors and Eliott drove away, Lucas breathed out heavily, rubbing his face with his hands. 

"Fuck" He whispered and seeing that the car disappeared in a distance, he turned and walked away to the building.

One hour ago, he was imagining himself walking into one, but definitely, it wasn't Sander's apartment building, it was obviously Eliott's. In his mind, he already saw two of them kissing and maybe doing something more if Eliott wanted to... But in the end, he got something totally different. 

He was prepared for it. It was exactly something he knew would happen. This didn't change the fact it made him sad. 

"What got into you?" Sander asked when Lucas walked into the flat. 

He looked up and rolled his eyes seeing that Sander was wearing only his boxers.

_ Right. Robbe _ . 

"You know what" Lucas sighed, taking off his shoes and jacket.

The moment he did that and looked up, Sander was leaning against the wall while Robbe was peeking out from the room.

"Hi" Robbe muttered with a smile, and Lucas just waved at him.

"So nothing?" Sander asked.

"The opposite. We were kissing and then I remembered he teaches us-"

"You told him?" Sander gasped.

"I should keep it a secret or what? He would find out eventually, and anyway, I promised not to lie anymore" Lucas shrugged.

"Since when you are so appropriate?" Sander laughed wrapping his arm around Robbe's waist. "Anyway, so what now?"

"I don't know... he just said he would drop me off and "we should think about it" without even a kiss at the end. Basically, we are where we were, but at least we are talking, I guess" 

"Ouch" Robbe frowned and Lucas nodded.

"Exactly... anyway I'm going to write the essay so yeah... don't be too loud" he sighed and before any of them managed to answer Lucas closed the doors to the room.

Sander was living with his brother, but the older one was at Erasmus at that moment, so the room was luckily empty. Basile and Arthur offered him to move with them and stay in the living room till they would find anything new for the three of them. At first, Lucas said no, hoping things between him and Eliott could be good enough for them to, maybe, move in together. Pretty naive. 

Even if he really had to write the essay, he wasn't even close to starting it. Lucas spent the whole evening thinking, swinging from one side to another. There were two times when he was close to call Eliott or just go to his place and literally jump on him. 

When Eliott kissed him in the car it was like the dream, becoming the reality. Lucas and Eliott. Nothing less, nothing more. Just the two of them, sitting in the old car surrounded by forest, sharing desperate and full of longing kisses, touches, and moans. It was until Lucas decided to ruin the moment. Again. Right now he was furious at himself for not waiting a little bit more. He could say it later when they would lay on the bed, or the next day after breakfast that Lucas would bring him to bed... anytime later, but not then. Yet he said what he said and decided to do it at that moment and not at another one. He ruined it again. For now.

Comparing this to their previous problem it was nothing and Lucas perfectly knew that. There was a solution to this, but the problem was that one of them had to sacrifice something and Lucas didn't want Eliott to be the one.

_ He went through so much. _

_ You are a blessing.  _

_ He went through so much. _

"Are you serious?" Sander grumbled widening his eyes, while he watched his friend eating croissants during their breakfast, the next morning.

Lucas shrugged and nodded grabbing a jar of jam just to eat it with a spoon. 

"Have you thought of that, you know, carefully?" 

Lucas sighed putting the spoon down "Look... Even if I know Eliott for not so long, I know he can be capable of doing a few things... and truthfully I don't want him to sacrifice anything for me. I fucked up and I hurt him... If there is a possibility of me, doing something for him, for us... I will do it" His confidence made Sander expelled a quiet sigh. "Okay..."

"Anyway, it is still nothing serious after all... There still will be a problem, a smaller one, but still-"

"Nothing serious... you are literally walking into bear's cavity"

"Oh my Gosh, don't be so dramatic" Lucas whined and smiled softly when Robbe walked into the kitchen wearing just boxers and Sander's shirt.

"He's being a drama queen again?" he chuckled, kissing Sander's top of the head.

Lucas nodded "You got a point-"

"I am not" Sander groaned and grabbed Robbe's arms to wrap his own neck with them. "He wants to switch groups and it wouldn't be so bad if the other group didn't have lecturers with the walking devil. The final exams are hell and this subject isn't even that important... so it is practically the waste of time" He explained.

Robbe nodded understandably sitting on the chair between them. He perfectly knew what was going on since he was literally forced to hear Lucas's whining. 

"So? He is, or will be" He corrected himself seeing that Lucas was already opening his mouth to speak. "in a relationship with the lecturer... he or Eliott will have to switch groups if not universities-"

"It is not something illegal" Sander broke in, frowning. "Or is it?"

Robbe rolled his eyes "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. It is not the point... Imagine what would other lecturers say when they found out... or students. None of them would be treated the same way. There was a case like this, one year ago on my campus. The girl started dating some professor, he wasn't even teaching her, and yet everybody started talking she was a slut, or she was fucking other lecturers for grades... what was more these other lecturers weren't treating her the same after it. The professor didn't really have any consequences, but yeah... she changed courses" Robbe said taking a small bite of Sander's sandwich.

"Yeah, sure... take some" the other one muttered with a frown observing his boyfriend.

"You two are the best comforters ever" Lucas mumbled putting the rest of his croissant away, feeling the hunger going away. 

"You are going to graduate soon... maybe you could wait" Sander sighed raising his eyebrows.

Lucas looked at him skeptically dropping his head. 

"This is the option... but I see you deciding to do so if it was us" Robbe chuckled and winked at his boyfriend. "You have to be careful and that's all" he shrugged focusing on Lucas. 

Sander cleared his throat "After all... you would be the one risking. I don't think Eliott would be fucked, but... is it worth it?"

Robbe hit his head frowning "You are so dumb oh my Gosh"

"Fuck, what? I just don't want him to get in some troubles because of some guy!" He wiled stroking the head softly. 

"Yeah... I know you want good, but you are not the best in putting it all into words" Lucas chuckled and sighed, leaning against the chair. "I don't know... I have been thinking about it for the whole night, and I know it is risky and, of course, I will talk about it with Eliott... but the only thing I know is that I want to be with him and I will do everything to make it happen" 

"What?" Sander said and Lucas followed his eyes just to land them on Robbe who was watching him carefully. 

Robbe looked at Sander and frowned. "Learn for him and try to be this romantic-"

"What are you talking about?" Sander puffed offended. "I am romantic as fuck!"

"You are the least romantic person I know dude" Lucas laughed and stood up smiling softly at Robbe. "Thanks"

"No problem" He smiled back.

Leaving the kitchen Lucas chortled hearing how Sander was trying to defend his "soul of an old romantic". Hopeless one.

The next day, from its start, seemed to be horrible. Mostly because Lucas has been aware for two days what lectures he was having that day. 

"Ready?" Sander walked into his room fully dressed.

Lucas threw some notes and a pan into his bag and sighed. "No" 

"Sorry, not sorry. Move your ass, I don't really want to be late"

"Coming, coming" He flinched and went to put on his shoes and jacket. 

Usually, the lecturers seemed to have no end, lasting for hours and hours even if it was just 90 minutes of pure boredom. This time tho, the time flew too fast for Lucas. Before he realized, they both were sitting in the 

assembly hall, waiting for  ** THE  ** lecture to start. 

"You are making the whole desk shake dude, chill" Sander said putting his hand on Lucas's knee stopping it from moving.

"Sorry" Lucas mumbled "My hands are freezing" he added and put one of them on Sander's palm, making the other one take it away right after.

"You are a walking refrigerator dude" He wheezed.

Lucas nodded "I always get cold when I'm stressing out-"

"Chill... there is nothing to be stressed about. He will be standing there and you are sitting here, later you just have to go and talk to the professor not him..."

"Easy to say... He will stand right next to me" 

Sander rolled his eyes. "And I am the drama queen here" he moaned.

Hearing the doors open, Lucas turned around and he had to swallow the gulp in his throat seeing Eliott. The moment their eyes met, the brunet stopped but soon after he walked towards the professor, who was standing next to the first raw. Obviously, he didn't dare to look at Lucas once again, while the younger one didn't take his eyes off him. 

"You are red as fuck dude... You are horrible at pretending" Sander whispered when people started to sit around them. 

"No shit" Lucas snorted looking at his friend. "I think I will puke-"

"Hell no, these jeans were way too expensive for that shit" Sander said seriously pointing a finger at him. "Don't you dare"

Lucas rolled his eyes "Fuck off"

When the professor welcomed everyone and explained the topic of lectures, both of them decided to be quiet. It was better not to cause any situation requiring Eliott to talk to them. 

This time, these 90 minutes seemed to last forever. Lucas was glancing at his phone every 5 minutes, checking how much time he still had. His eyes were not leaving Eliott, and he managed to catch his gaze twice. It was obvious, Eliott was doing everything not to look at him since he didn't even look at this side of the assembly hall. When, finally, there were 5 minutes till the end, Lucas started to feel nauseous. 

"Thank you for today, everyone. Oh, remember to read chapter 15, and for these, how are interested I will write down the book, I know how it sounds, but it is very fascinating" Eliott said turning his back and wrote the title on the board. "Now you can leave. See you next week" 

"Good luck" Sander whispered when everyone started to gather their things and leave the hall. "I will be waiting outside" 

Lucas nodded and expelled a heavy sighed before throwing his things into the bag and started walking down the stairs. 

Eliott had to see him with the corners of his eyes since he quickly glanced at him. Lucas looked at him and turned left to make it obvious he wasn't his "aim".

"Good afternoon professor" Lucas spoke reaching the desk where the old man was sitting. 

"Oh... good afternoon. Is there something I can help you with young man?" he asked with a warm smile on his face. 

Eliott moved closer to gather his things from the desk, but it was pretty obvious his original plan was to listen to the conversation. 

"Actually yes. I wanted to switch groups... to the one led by Miss Portman" 

The man raised his eyebrows, fixing the glasses on his nose. "Why so? If I can ask... Is there something wrong with my lectures?"

"What? No... Everything is just perfect, but... Miss Portmans has her lecturers in the mornings, it just better suits my schedule. I really love your lecturers tho, but it would help me a lot"

_ Another lie.  _

"Oh... I see" He sighed and stayed silent for a while thinking. "I will talk to Miss Portman and I will see what I can do. Could you write down your e-mail, please? I will write to you as soon as I figure things out" He said and passed a piece of paper to Lucas.

"Yes, sure... Thank you very much" He smiled and quickly wrote everything down. "Thank you again"

"There is nothing to thank me, young man. And now I'm sorry but I have to prepare for the next lecture" 

Lucas nodded "Sure... Goodbye" 

He turned around to walk away, yet before stepping on the stairs, he glanced through his arm. Eliott was staring at him, holding his bag in the hand. Lucas smiled softly at him and soon after he left the hall, releasing a heavy sigh as soon as the doors closed behind him. Seeing Sander sitting on the bench in front of the hall, he approached him. 

"And?"

Lucas jerked his shoulders off "We will see"

"Don't look back" Sander murmured glancing at something behind Lucas.

He just frowned and Sander smiled softly, looking back at Lucas. "Eliott left the hall... he's going here" 

"What?"

"Lucas?" 

He swallowed heavily and turned around to face Eliott. The brunet looked at Sander and smiled softly. 

"Could you?" 

"Oh shit... sorry. See you later?" He asked walking backward still facing Lucas.

He simply nodded and cleared his throat nervously looking back at Eliott. The corridor was empty, and they were standing in a safe distance... they could be talking about the lectures, obviously. 

"What was that?" 

Lucas frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you want to change this for Portman? She is a bitch" He whispered as if someone was listening to them.

Lucas chuckled "Don't act like you don't know why Eliott" he sighed. 

The brunet rubbed his eyes.

"You didn't text me" Lucas said quietly dropping his gaze on his shoes. "You said you would"

"Lucas" He breathed out. "I had to think-"

"You said both of us had to... and don't you think it would be nice to talk to each other about it, since it considers both of us?" He asked looking up at him. "It is not only your decision, you know?"

"You have known about that for weeks, so I guess you had time to think about it... and also, you decided yourself to switch groups. Without talking to me" Eliott puffed. "Look... it is not the right place to talk about-"

"What the fuck? You came here, not me" Lucas gasped offended. 

He was mad. Party. There was more confusion than anger, but still, he didn't want to hide his feelings. At some point, he felt attacked by what Eliott said and the fact that he didn't text him, even if Lucas knew upsetting him was not Eliott's intention...

Eliott frowned a little taken aback. "Are you mad or what is happening right now?"

Lucas sighed heavily "Sorry..."

"I came because I wanted to ask if you have time tonight.. for our talk... So?" Eliott raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah... I do" Lucas said quietly trying to hide his excitement, pretending to be slightly mad.

"Okay, so maybe 8 pm at mine? I can pick you up-"

"I will take the bus, thanks tho" Lucas smiled softly.

Eliott nodded and turned around ready to leave. Before he managed to do so, Lucas grabbed his arm. Eliott turned his head at Lucas and looked around the hall making sure they were alone. Lucas let go of his arm and cleared his throat. 

"Are... are we good?" 

Eliott's expression softened at this and a smile spread on his face. "Yes, Luc. We are good, really good" He assured making Lucas's stomach switch upside down. 

He expelled a relieved sigh and watched as Eliott walked away, soon after doing the same, still feeling his heart's fast beating. 

8 pm came really fast and when it was the right time he was waiting in front of the flat waiting for Elena or Eliott to open the doors. Seeing Eliott on the other side he smiled softly.

"Hi" he said quietly and when the older one stepped back, he came in.

"Hey" Eliott answered back and closed the doors behind him. "Are you cold? Maybe tea, coffee or anything?" he asked, but Lucas just shook his head.

"No, it is okay... yours?" he asked pointing at the doors leading to Eliott's bedroom. 

"Mhm"

When Lucas stepped into the room and felt the smell of it, he had to close his eyes. He missed it so much... The smell perfectly suited Eliott and it was resembling home to Lucas, even if he had spent here just a couple of days. The best days in his life, actually. 

He felt Eliott's body right behind him, but he was too scared to turn around. He didn't open his eyes, feeling warm hands softly resting on his hips, and a warm breath tickling his neck. Lucas bit his lower lip, tilting his head a little back, feeling the back of it touching Eliott's chin. The breathes were much warmer now and Lucas could feel Eliott's hear on his skin. A silent moan escaped his mouth when he felt Eliott's lips touching the crock of his neck once. Twice. When he did it again, Eliott's hands pulled his body much closer. Lucas quickly turned around, wrapping his arms around Eliott's neck crushing their lips again in a desperate kiss. Eliott slipped his hands, under his butt, lifting the younger's body up, making Lucas wrap his legs around Eliott's hips. 

Seconds later Lucas felt his body crashing into the mattress. He opened his eyes and saw Eliott handing over him with a soft smile spread on his face.

"You are beautiful" he whispered lowering his body just to kiss him again. 

"You too" Lucas moaned into the kiss, threading his hand in Eliott's hair. The brunet whined, not pulling away "We should talk"

"We should," Lucas said quietly unbuttoning Eliott's shirt. 

"I'm serious Lucas" Eliott sighed raising his body a little.

Lucas's lips changed their attention to his neck, after lifting his body on the elbows. "Me too" he whispered and bit the piece of his skin.

Eliott whined quietly and hesitated for a moment before pulling Lucas away. 

"Save it for later baby"

_ Baby _ . 

Lucas groaned and laid on the bed, watching Eliott doing the same next to im. 

"So..." Lucas started talking "Talk" he muttered swinging his head to the side, facing Eliott, who did the same. 

The silence.

"Eli?"

The silence. 

"I love you Lucas... so much" He whispered observing his face.

Lucas smiled softly, sucking his lips between his teeth. 

"I love you too" he said quietly and move his hand to rest it on Eliott's cheek, stroking it softly. "And I don't want to let you go... no matter what" 

"But-"

"I'm serious Eliott" Lucas interrupted him quietly "If it turns out to be necessary, I will change campuses, I don't care... These are just studies and it is not the only university in town anyway. And you love your job... An I love you, so yeah" he added, his eyes not leaving Eliott even for a second. "There is no other option... or is there?"

"Well.. we could wait a year"

Lucas stopped stroking his cheek, looking at him carefully. 

"You want that?"

Eliott shrugged "I just don't want any of us to be hurt"

Lucas sighed and moved his hand away, sitting up on the bed. "And waiting a year will make us happy?" He gasped.

Eliott rolled his eyes sitting up next to him. "No, but it is just another option"

"Well, I don't give a fuck about that option" Lucus puffed and frowned when Eliott chuckled "What's so funny?"

The brunet shook his head "Nothing... just I like the confident Lucas...It's pretty turning on" 

Lucas whined and threw a pillow at him. "How can you turn this conversation into some dirty shit?" He breathed out. 

"Admit you didn't like it-"

"Like what?"

"Me, tell you were turning me on-"

"Omg Eliott, focus" He gasped and snapped his fingers in front of his face. 

Eliott sighed and looked at Lucas, this time seriously. "Look... I don't want you to have hard times on campus because of me, I don't really care for myself. If not this job, then another one, you are the only one and you are the one who I care for, okay?"

Lucas nodded "It doesn't change anything"

"What?"

"I don't care about it as well... I just want you" He whined looking at the older one. 

"So there is nothing to talk about... About the issue, I mean" Eliott shrugged.

"Well... technically yes" 

"Practically too... if you are sure. Are you? I don't want to force you to do anything, I can wait a year, two years, what you need is okay, as long as I have or I will have you" The brunet said and raised his eyebrows, waiting for Lucas to answer.

"I'm sure... so sure" He muttered and smiled softly making Eliott do the same.

The older one leaned forward, glancing at Lucas with a grin "So... Are we clear?"

Lucas smiled, his eyes drifting to Eliott's lips. "Yes. professor" He teased and Eliott winced, wrinkling his nose. 

"No... this definitely doesn't turn me on" He chuckled and softly brushed Lucas's lips with his.

"No?" Lucas whispered giving a sweet kiss back.

"No" Eliott shook lightly his head, putting one of his hands on Lucas's waist pulling him closer to himself. 

"One more thing," Eliott said pulling away. 

Lucas hummed with his eyes partly opened, focused on the brunets' lips all the time. 

"We have to be extra careful... for a year, just our flats and places where no one goes, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever" Lucas muttered and leaned forward just to kiss Eliott's neck.

"I'm serious Lucas-"

"Oh shut up and fuck me already" He gasped frustrated and pushed Eliott on the bed, sitting on his hips right after.

Eliott's eyes widened "Okay... this was turning on" He said with a smile, grabbing Lucas's hips with his hands.

"Wait for more" Lucas said with a smile, resting his hands on Eliott's chest.

"What do you mea-"

He didn't finish, since Lucas took his shirt off, starting to unzip Eliott's pants. 

"What are you doing?" Eliott asked quietly, nervously swallowing his saliva.

"What does it look like to you?" Lucas smirked and raised his body just to pull off Eliott's pants.

"Fuck" Eliott sighed looking at Lucas carefully biting his lip. "You are so fucking extra" He chuckled, seeing Lucas leaning forward just to kiss his bare chest.

"Eliott, my dear-" They heard, and before any of them reacted Elena opened the door and her eyes widened when she saw them. "Oh my lovely God I'm so sorry" She cried and quickly left the room, clamming the doors. 

Eliott chuckled looking at the doors and when his eyes drifted back to Lucas he laughed more loudly seeing his red cheeks.

"Someone got embarrassed?"

"Fuck off" Lucas groaned slipping off from his hips.

"Hey... where are you going?"

Luas shrugged grabbing his shirt, putting it on "The mood got killed. And I'm not having sex, when she perfectly knows what we are doing" he added quietly.

Eliott whined and dropped his head further into the pillow "You are brutal, you know?"

Lucas smiled and leaned down to kiss his lips. "I will pay it back soon... somehow" 

"I bet you will" Eliott smirked and sighed raising his hips to put on his jeans. "I will go and see if she fully became blind" He said with a chuckle and Lucas watched him leaving.

When he was alone, he laughed stupidly, throwing his body on the mattress. 

_ Today is good. Tomorrow will be even better.  _


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> diamonds,  
> we reached the end of the story.  
> i hope you liked it and that the ending will make your heart warm up as it did to mine.  
> partly i am sad to finish this story, but at the same time, i'm happy since i managed to do it.  
> this fic means a lot to me, you don't even know how much, and even if it didn't turn out to be as good as i wanted it to be, it was a pleasure to share it with you and receive your opinions and kind words, which really meant A LOT to me.  
> every time i got a comment, i was shocked and happy, that anyone was excited about the chapter and liked it. i wrote it for you as well.  
> so, thank you. for patience, for kind words, for being here and living the story with me.  
> huge thank you to the one special person, who helped me with not only this but with literally everything. i love you and i own you a poke on a cheek.  
> AGAIN, i hope you will like the chapter, and i won't be mad if you decide to leave something under the story.  
> see you soon.

Eliott was smiling like crazy watching Lucas fixing his hair, standing in front of the mirror in their room.

"You look good... How many times do I have to repeat myself?" He sighed and stood up from bed, coming closer to Lucas.

He put his hands on both sides of the younger's body and left a gentle, wet kiss on his neck. The younger one puffed and bumped an elbow in Eliott's stomach, making the taller one grimace. 

"I didn't judge you when you had been staring at the mirror before meeting my parents"

"First of all" Eliott frowned leaning against the wall next to the mirror to face Lucas "It was an important occasion and second of all, I wanted to impress them" 

"It is literally my graduation ceremony, how is that not important to you?" Lucas gasped frowning.

Eliott rolled his eyes "Okay, okay" he raised his hands in surrender, walking back to sit on the bed. 

He smiled softly, his eyes not leaving Lucas.

"What?" the younger one asked, fixing the tie around his neck.

"What what?" Eliott muttered.

Lucas chuckled and turned his head to face Eliott "I can see you in the mirror Sherlock" 

The brunet shrugged "Nothing... I can't get over how happy I am to be with you, live with you-"

"It has been happening for a year now, still in shock?" Lucas laughed and finally, he managed to pull his eyes away from the mirror, so he could approach Eliott. 

The brunet put his hands on Lucas's hips, forcing him to sit on his laps. He nodded with a smile brushing Lucas's chin with his nose. 

"I fucking love you so much" he whispered with a smile.

Lucas moved both hands on his neck, stroking it gently. 

"Me too... even when you can't iron my shirt correctly" He giggled. 

Eliott puffed offended. "I did it correctly. Just Horace stepped on it" 

"You can't blame everything on him" Lucas chuckled kissing the top of Eliott's nose. 

Even if at first Horace and Eliott weren't fans of each other, after Elena's death, they decided to take care of him, which brought them a little closer. Her death was as sudden and unexpected as the death of an old lady can be. Her age always gave Eliott hope, they had more time to spend together, but the truth turned out to be harsher. After her passing away, Eliott wasn't in a good state, and the thought of it still brought him pain and numbness. Even if it happened some time ago, it was still a cause of his depressive episodes which came back as soon as he got the bad news. There were silent and sad days, and he couldn't help it. This is how life works, It is not perfect and he fully understood that. As well as Lucas. Eliott hadn't been as grateful for anything in his life as he was for Lucas. Especially during times like these. The younger one didn't leave his side, at the same time not making him feel uncomfortable. Lucas has been always waiting for him to talk and come to him first. He never forced him to open up, because he knew that after sad and silent days, there will be good ones, full of laughs and teasing since it was one of the things Eliott loved doing- watching annoyed Lucas. 

She didn't have any kids, so obviously Eliott was the one who got her apartment, where they were living now, and basically everything she had. It was a shock to him since he didn't even know she had written testimony, not to mention including him in it. Eliott got everything, besides one thing, which was left for Lucas. 

The younger one stood up and closed their closet, before taking his blazer out. His gaze stopped at their desk where a wooden box with cards was laying.

"Do you think-"

"Yes... She is proud, for sure" Eliott said with a sad smile and stood up to approach Lucas.

He captured his cheeks in his hands and left a kiss on younger's forehead. 

Eliott wasn't the only one who was hurt, still recovering from the loss. Even if Lucas tried hard to be strong for Eliott, he was suffering as well and Eliott was aware of that. He knew that Lucas felt uncomfortable with showing his emotions, so Eliott simply acted along, still trying to comfort Lucas in ways that he knew would make his boyfriend feel relief. 

"Okay?" Eliott asked softly stroking his cheeks with the thumb.

Lucas nodded looking up at him. "Okay," he whispered and pulled away to look at himself in the mirror again. 

Eliott chuckled standing behind his back. "You look, beautiful baby" 

"I'm not sure about this tie... does it look good?" Lucas frowned looking at Eliott in the mirror.

The brunet smiled resting his chin on Lucas's shoulder. 

"Nobody will see it through your toga anyway" He chuckled but seeing a frown on Lucas's face he sighed "It does look good, it suits your eyes love" Eliott whispered and turned his head to kiss his neck. "Your tie is blue, and I love you" he added quietly into his ear.

Lucas laughed and pushed him a little back just to look at him "Dumbass" he muttered shaking his head in disbelieve. 

"You love this dumbass" Eliott pointed at him and walked to the desk grabbing his car key.

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a lift? The nursing house is on the way" Eliott asked, putting on his own blazer.

Lucas shook his head. "Mum said they wanted to pick me up, and you know her" 

Eliott chuckled nodding "She had to pick up her mama's boy" He winked. 

Lucas puffed and smiled at him. "Just drive safely, okay?"

"I always drive safely" Eliott rolled his eyes and came closer to kiss Lucas's lips again.

Lucas muttered "See you baby"

"See you handsome" Eliott winked and left the flat.

"Dad, we will be late" Eliott whined sitting on his father's bed watching him fixing his tie. "You are like Lucas, what is the whole deal with the tie..."

"It is elegant... you should wear one too. It is your boyfriend's graduation and not strawberry picking-"

"Since when do you pick strawberries in the suit?" Eliott raised his eyebrows, chuckling.

His father turned around and waved his hand "Stop talking bullshit and help me. I must look nice for my son in law..." 

Eliott's heart warmed every time his dad used this name for Lucas. He didn't expect him to accept his partner so easily and yet when they first met the man fall in Lucas right away. Eliott couldn't say the same about Lucas, since he still felt a distance, knowing the past, which Eliott told him one day.

He told Lucas, but he didn't mention it to _you_. 

When Eliott was a little kid the person he loved the most was his mother. His father was working a lot and at first, he couldn't be mad about it. Every time he got mad, as a kid, that his dad didn't make it to the dinner, his mother would explain to him how his father was working hard so Eliott could have a new skateboard or a PSP. The point was, he didn't give a fuck about his skateboard. He wanted his dad to come back home, eat dinner, and watch a movie with them. Every time he was at his friends and the parents were kissing or hugging, Eliott was thinking about the last time he saw his parents doing the same. He couldn't remember. 

Eliott didn't care as long as he had his mother. 

One day when he came back from school, the dinner wasn't ready as it always had been. The water was boiling on the cook and when Eliott came to turn it off he noticed his mother laying on the floor. He was seven years old and he panicked. He called his dad, but he didn't answer, as always. He called an ambulance crying his eyes out and when it came, he couldn't go with her. A few days later his mother came home and Eliott was told she was sick and had to rest a lot. Eliott knew what to do in that case, since his mother took good care of him when he was sick. The difference was, Eliott didn't know it was not a flue. After coming back from school he tidied the house and warmed up the dinner for himself and his mother. If you think the dinner was prepared by his father, you are too naive. It was either the neighbor or Eliott's aunt. After eating, he washed the dishes and had to do his homework which he was doing on the bed next to his mother, who would sleep for most of the time. He read her stories, watched movies with her, or presented her plays that he learned during his acting classes. She was laughing and clapping till she had the power to do so. One day it was his father who told him that she wasn't going to be okay. Eliott cried. And if you think his father comforted him, this time you are right. When she died, Eliott was mad, not only at his dad but at the whole world and himself. He claimed he didn't take enough care of her and that it was his fault. It was his dad, who told him it wasn't. It was his dad, who told him it was his own fault. And Eliott accepted it, blaming everything on him. After her death, Eliott felt alone. His father was as focused on his work as before, but you could tell he was trying. He tried his best to come back for dinner and Eliott was always waiting beside the table with hot pizza, watching when the clock would show a time when his father usually was coming home. Sometimes the doors were opening in time, sometimes they would open when Eliott was already asleep on the sofa. His father tried his best to attend his every show, during which Eliott was always searching for him in the crowd. He missed most of them, due to business meetings. One day Eliott stopped waiting with pizza, and he gave up acting classes focusing on music, which helped him a lot. 

Blaming his father for everything was the easiest way to keep on living. Eliott didn't feel any need to talk to him, ask for any explanations, or anything at all. So when he graduated high school, he left the city and moved out as soon as it was possible. During high school, he used to work at the pizza place to gather enough money for him to survive in the new city. It was a new beginning for him with a hope to leave his old, not happy self behind and create a new Eliott, but you know what had happened after that.

It was when Eliott decided to fix his relationship with his father when he could listen to his story. Or maybe read it, since the man's memory, due to his illness was not a big help. He had finally read every letter his father addresses him in the past and he understood some things. He had no clue that the marriage of his parents wasn't the best one and he had no clue they both had known about his mother's illness much earlier before the accident happened. It was one of the reasons why his working schedule looked like that- medicines. He didn't know, back then, how much his father blamed himself for her death and for neglecting Eliott. He didn't know how many problems he had at work and how much effort it costed to attend Eliott's shows or coming back home for the time when he had a whole house, Eliott's school to pay for, and he was still paying off his mother's treatment. These things didn't give Eliott his childhood back, but they helped the little Eliott inside him to get his father back. He used to feel bad for not asking, not talking when he had a chance but his father didn't do it either. Sometimes he wondered what could be different if any of them decided to open up, to ask, to confess. But then Eliott knew, he wouldn't have moved out, and then he hadn't met Lucas. 

If he had an option he would still live this life, again and again, not changing even a little thing, if it led him to Lucas's arms. 

"Okay... let's go" Eliott sighed patting his father's arm when he fixed the tie of his. 

"Can we just drive into one more place?"

Eliott frowned and nodded "Yeah sure... but we have to hurry"

The man nodded and put on his jacket leaving the room with Eliott. 

"Eliott?" His father asked when they were driving.

He hummed glancing at his father.

"Where are we going?" He asked and Eliott smiled wanting to comfort his father.

Medicines were helping but it didn't stop the illness, it just slowed it down. This time Eliott was prepared for everything. He knew sometimes his father didn't know who he was, the same with Lucas. But then he showed him his notebook with information and for some time everything was coming back to "normal".

"To be honest I don't know dad. You said you wanted to show me something" Eliott said and stretched his arm to grab his father's bag from which he took the notebook out. "Maybe you wrote it down, check" He added. 

"Oh right," His father muttered reading something. 

The man knew he was ill, and in this notebook, he was writing everything down. Everything.

"Turn right," he said still reading everything. 

After some time of driving, Eliott frowned seeing they entered the area of their old neighborhood. 

"What are we doing here?" Eliott frowned looking away still driving slowly. 

"Turn right here" The men read. 

Eliott frowned and when he was driving past their old house the man spoke again.

"Stop. The beige house. It is here" 

Eliott hasn't felt so lost in a long time. The man opened the doors and left the car. 

"Dad, wait, Jesus" Eliott whined and turned off the car, not knowing if his father even knew what he was doing. He left the car and closed it running to his father who was standing on the pavement in front of the fence. 

"What is this?" the man asked and Eliott sighed.

"We used to live here, do you remember? There were a little swing and mum's flowers" Eliott explained pointing at the certain spots in the field.

"Dad, what are we doing here? We will be late" Eliott sighed looking at the watch on his wrist.

"Oh right" The man exclaimed and hid his notebook and searched for something in his pocket "I remember," He said softly and took the keys out of his pocket. 

"What is this?" Eliott asked his eyes swinging from the keys and his dad.

"It is yours-"

"What is mine?" Eliott's face went pale, watching as his father turned his head towards the house. 

"This" He muttered. 

"What?" Eliott asked quietly following the gaze of the older man. 

"I bought it-"

"What do you mean- you bought it? How?" Eliott stuttered frowning.

_It is not happening._

"I just bought it" The man shrugged and used one of the keys to open the fence going further into the property.

Eliott blinked and followed the man. "But how? How the fuck did you buy it?"

Eliott knew his father had some money, but still, he was paying for his nursing house. At some point, Eliott felt responsible for him and he wanted to help. He wasn't able to help his mother, but he wanted to do something for his father. Eliott made sure that his father would think he was paying for it himself, yet the money was taken from Eliott's bank account. 

"Did you think I won't find out?" The man asked looked at him "Maybe I would forget but I wrote everything down. I am Demaury as well kid" he chuckled walking around the garden. 

Eliott was standing on the grass looking at the house.

_It is not happening for sure._

"Is... is this really mine?" He asked softly touching the walls of the building.

"Yes" The man said and walked to his son. "You have done so much, even when I was a horrible father... You deserve it" He added and passed the keys to Eliott. "Welcome back home son" He sighed patting his arm.

Eliott looked at his father and he quickly pulled him into a hug. 

"I love you dad" He muttered. 

"I love you too son" The man laughed and pulled away. "Let's go, I need to pee" He announced and left Eliott alone. 

The brunet bit his lower lip and laughed stupidly already imagined Lucas and himself in the garden. He, Lucas, and their kids. Lots of them. And Horace, but he couldn't promise nothing would happen to him... by accident. 

Was he happy? Yes. Did he want to change some of his decisions? Not in a million years. 

*** Lucas ***

"Where the fuck is he?" Lucas muttered stepping from one leg to another. 

"Have some patience son" His mother sighed "He will be on time for sure, don't worry" 

He rolled his eyes "He better be"

"Ready? We have to take our seats" Sander said approaching them and hugged Lucas's mother saying his 'hi'.

Lucas looked around "Yeah, ready" He sighed and walked with his friend to meet the other people from his year. 

Even if he was surrounded by his best friends and family, it didn't seem right not to have Eliott. It was their first time being together at the campus. It was hard to keep things as a secret, but they did pretty well since nobody knew... unless they were the ones to say it. Eliott was about to change his work and Lucas was graduating so the timing was perfect. Lucas wanted to celebrate his graduation with everyone and especially with Eliott... who wasn't here. 

"It's your turn fucker" Sander hissed and Lucas shook his head when his name was read out loud again.

He stood up and walked on the deck, approaching the rector, who was holding his diploma. He thanked him and looked at his family, as he promised since his mother insisted on taking a picture of him. When he looked at them, he felt warm chills seeing Eliott with his own father right next to his mother. A smile quickly spread on his face, seeing Eliott smiling softly at him.

"I love you" The brunet mouthed and Lucas thought he was going to melt.

"I love you more" He mouthed back and walked out of the deck, coming back to his spot, glancing at Eliott from time to time. 

When Everyone's hats were thrown into the sky, Lucas hugged Sander tightly. 

"We fucking did it dude" His friend laughed.

"We did. And everyone survived" Lucas moved his eyebrows acting surprised.

"Yeah... so tomorrow? Beer and pizza?" Sander asked with a grin.

"As we said... See you" Lucas said hugging him again and he quickly started walking in his family's direction. 

He couldn't see much, since the place was packed with people and he had to scuffle between them. He gasped when someone grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Seeing Eliott he smiled widely and jumped to wrap his arms around the older's neck. The brunet hugged him tightly laughing. 

"You made it" Lucas whispered against the material of his shirt.

"Of course I made it. You looked so good love" Eliott said pulling him away just to capture his cheeks between his palms. "I'm so proud of you Lucas, I'm the most fucking proud boyfriend in the whole world" He whispered and Lucas smiled softly.

"Stop. I don't want to fucking cry here" Lucas muttered hitting Eliott's chest.

He chuckled and leaned forward to kiss his lips gently. "My baby" he whispered again. 

Lucas smiled against his lips just to pull away after a while. "Where were you anyway?"

Eliott laughed raising his eyebrows "It is a secret-"

"Hell no, no secrets remember?" Lucas snorted pointing a finger at him. 

Eliott rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around Lucas's neck pulling him to his family.

"Later baby, I will tell you later" The brunet assured, looking at him, and Lucas let it go, knowing he wasn't lying. 

He wrapped a shoulder around Eliott's waist and followed him.

"My baby boy!" He heard a loud whine and soon after he was pulled away from Eliott's arms into his mother's. 

"Are you crying?" Lucas laughed hugging her back. "Hell no mum, or I will cry too" He said and smiled when his father and Mike reached them and hugged him as well. 

"She has been crying since the start of the ceremony" His father laughed and when the woman stepped back and Lucas pouted seeing tears on her cheeks. 

"I haven't! Stop lying you bastard" She whined and hit the man's stomach. "We are so, so proud of you Lucas. When did you grow up?" She sniffed and wiped her nose with a napkin.

"He had plenty of time to do it sweetheart" His father said and hugged his wife winking at Lucas.

"Congratulation," Mike broke in and high-fived his brother, leaving right after just to approach Eliott. 

He admired him even more than he admired Lucas. Actually, everyone loved Eliott and he quickly became part of the family. At first, Lucas was afraid they would judge and dislike him since they loved Jean, but luckily it turned out to be all good.

"Lucas" he heard and smiled when Eliott's father came closer.

The man hugged him and Lucas gave it back, being happy the man was here. Even if he had some insecurities and he still thought of him through the sadness he had brought into Eliott's life, he was glad to have him in their lives. He made Eliott happy and when something made Eliott happy, Lucas liked it straight away. Just not snakes. Never in his life, he would let Eliott bring a snake into their apartment. _Never_.

"Thanks for coming" Lucas said patting the other man's back. 

"I couldn't miss it. Oh... I have a gift... but Eliott has already got it, so he will show you" The man said and Lucas frowned. 

This was the moment Eliott approached them and wrapped an arm around Lucas's neck.

"What gift?" He asked tilting his head back to look at the brunet.

Eliott moved his eyebrows and smiled. "Later baby" he whispered again and kissed his pouting lips. 

"Little Lulu!" He heard and when he looked back he smiled seeing Idriss, Sofiane, and Imane in a distance.

"What are they doing here?" Lucas smiled widely at Eliott.

He just shrugged "Thought you would like them here" He said and looked down at him. "Do you?"

"I love it... and you" He said dreamily and lifted his body on toes just to kiss the older's lips softly. 

~ 9 years later ~

"Fucking cat" Eliott whined throwing himself on the couch next to Lucas who was working on his laptop. 

Lucas smiled at him, raising his gaze just to see shirtless Eliott. Even if they have been together for a long time Lucas loved this view. It always made his mouth dry... He still felt like a teenager around Eliott. 

Eliott has just come back from the shower which Lucas made him take after his workout session.

He raised his eyebrows "What did you do this time?" Lucas laughed.

"What I did? This bastard literally peed on my workout trousers!" Eliott gasped.

Lucas smirked "If you don't want to exercise, just say so. Don't blame this on Horace" 

"He was evil then and he still is. The fact that he is an angel around you doesn't mean he is one. Anyway how long cats live?" Eliott puffed.

"Sure" Lucas sighed rolling his eyes ignoring the question. "Anyway I ordered pizza for dinner"

"Maybe we could eat outside?" Eliott asked and Lucas chuckled quietly. "What?"

"Nothing love, that's a great idea" He said and stretched out to kiss Eliott's lips. 

Eliott didn't like to eat outside so often. Unless he mowed the lawn and this time was exactly this case. Lucas wasn't really into gardening but he couldn't say the same about his husband. Eliott could spend the whole day in the garden and it was hard to get him home. 

"Where are the monsters?" 

"I am not a monster daddy!" A little girl jumped from behind the armchair, where she was playing with her doll. 

"No?" Eliott asked and started walking towards her "Then I shouldn't be scared?"

"No" She giggled happily.

"Sooo... Maybe I am a monster?" Eliott said and started running toward her as slowly as he could, trying to look scary.

Lucas rolled his eyes, chuckling.

The girl screamed and started running away laughing loudly. Eliott let her run for a while before he caught her and threw her through his arm, tickling the girl.

"Daddy stop! Daddy let me go! Dad help me!" She whined, choking on her own laugh, stretching her arms toward Lucas.

He laughed and stood up to approach them. "Eliott, she had a pie an hour ago. I'm just saying that I'm not cleaning after this" He pointed out passing them to enter the kitchen.

Eliott whined, putting the girl on the floor. "Dad is no fun huh?" He asked and Lucas frowned at him. 

"Dad is the best!" she said smiling at Lucas, who smiled widely back at her. 

"My smart baby girl," He said and kneeled down spreading his arms for her to jump on him. 

He kissed her cheek and stood up still holding her in his arms. Eliott walked to them kissing her cheek as well. 

"Where is your brother monster?" Eliott asked stroking her hair. 

She shrugged and started to play with Lucas's shirt seemingly shy. 

Lucas looked at Eliott and later at her again. "Lola, where is Axel?" He asked softly and she expelled a heavy breath. 

"Lola" Eliott broke in.

"He wanted to play with Fifi" She sighed looking shyly at her parents. 

Lucas looked at Eliott with the face saying "are you serious" and put the girl on the floor going upstairs right after.

"Lucas... be serious, she won't hurt him" Eliott sighed following his husband. 

"You don't fucking know. I told you to keep him away from her" Lucas hissed and Eliott raised his hands in surrender. 

"I can't watch him all the time. He's a boy, he is interested" Eliott said and he bumped into Lucas, who stopped walking as soon as they reached the floor. 

Lucas turned around and raised his finger "I agreed on this, under one condition" He groaned. 

Eliott rolled his eyes and when Lucas walked away he followed him. 

When then entered Lucas's office, he gasped loudly feeling his heart stopped. 

"For my lovely God, Axel what the hell are you doing?" Lucas cried.

When Eliott chuckled Lucas looked at him right away with a serious look.

The brunet cleared his throat, rubbing his neck nervously. "Just nice combination of words. God, hell... you know" 

"I fucking don't" Lucas whispered and started walking to the boy, who was holding a snake wrapped around his arm. As soon as he was right next to him, Lucas stepped away and let a quiet squeak escape his mouth.

"Eliott, take it off my son. Fucking right now" He hissed and the brunet sighed before doing exactly what Lucas told him to. 

"Axel, how many times do I have to tell you not to touch the snake? Do want me to die from a heart attack?" Lucas sighed pulling a 7-year old away, looking down at him.

"I just wanted to play with her. She is so nice dad! Daddy says she won't hurt me" The boy whined and stamped his foot madly. "I want to play with her" 

"I-"

"Look" Eliott interrupted and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Maybe we could do something like this... you can play with her, but only when daddy is with you okay?" Eliott asked glancing at Lucas, who just sighed.

"Dad?" Axel asked looking up at Lucas.

"Okay... but only if daddy is with you" Lucas warned, but the boy was already jumping happily. 

"I have to tell Lola" He exclaimed and ran out of the room.

Eliott smiled softly and came closer to Lucas, hugging him. "I know you are scared baby, but he has to get to know the world. He has to fall and get hurt to know himself-"

"We are talking about a fucking snake Eliott... What if she bites him, or something more..." Lucas sighed and pulled away to look at his husband.

It was easy to say which one of them was more scared and overprotective. Lucas wanted to prevent their kids from everything, while Eliott was trying to acknowledge him it was impossible.

"She won't hurt him for sure baby... I was scared too right now, but you can't show this so much, you are scaring him too... He can do this with me around, nothing will happen, I promise... but I was talking about everything... You are a little extra" The brunet chuckled stroking his back softly. 

"I'm not..."

"You are... but I love it after all" He whispered and pulled Lucas away just to kiss him. 

Lucas smiled and kiss him back tightening fingers on Eliott's shirt. 

"Pizza!" Axel shouted and both of them had to pull away with a heavy sigh. 

"We will finish this after the storytime" Lucas said seeing a pout on Eliott's face, and patted his chest before leaving the room.

"When will we visit papa?" Lola asked eating her pizza and Lucas looked right after at Eliott who got tense at the question.

"Maybe we will visit nana and pops at the weekend hm? Uncle Mike will be home too" Lucas said with a wide smiled glancing at Eliott.

"Yes!" Axel shouted with his mouth filled with pizza.

"Son... please" Lucas sighed and poured him some juice in the cup and gave him, doing the same with Lola. 

The kids got distracted quickly and ran to play in the garden, coming from time to time just to take another bite of pizza.

"Okay love?" Lucas asked moving his chair a little closer to Eliott's, resting his hand on his leg.

"Yeah... it's okay" He whispered.

Eliott's father wasn't doing good and it got impossible to not see it. The illness got a lot worse to the point where he wasn't really leaving his bed and remembering Eliott was barely happening. 

"I just... I don't really know how to explain this to them" He sighed taking a sip of his beer. 

"They will understand" Lucas assured him and sighed quietly.

He hated the fact Eliott was hurt and he was doing what he could, but some things had to happen and he didn't have power over them. No one had. 

"I know, just I don't really want to take their grandfather away from them"

"We will think of something. Everything is going to be okay love" Lucas said and seeing a soft smile he stood up and pulled Eliott by his arm. 

"What are you doing?" Eliott chuckled.

"We have some monsters to catch" Lucas smiled and before he managed to pull him further, Eliott grabbed his hand and pulled him close to his body.

"I'm the happiest man in this world, you know?"

"In every universe?" Lucas asked.

"In every single one," He whispered and kissed the other's lips gently. 

"Dad! Lola took my doggy!" Axel yelled.

"I didn't! You left in on the grass!" She screamed back.

Lucas chuckled resting his head on Eliott's chest.

"And you wanted a third one?" The brunet sighed.

"I still want to," Lucas said laughing and pulled away, walking backward towards his kids, still facing Eliott with a smile. 

Lucas knew he had met his destiny and he hadn't missed it. 

Was he happy? Yes. Did he want to change some of his decisions? No fucking way. 

And you? Would you change anything? 

You never know what life can bring you. Be patient. Don't think too much. It will find you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you. love you guys 🥺

**Author's Note:**

> something random  
> if you have any questions, feel free to write [here](https://twitter.com/milkxteam) or on [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/luliott)


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